Ok, so I told you about how well the balloons went. And a distant cousin of mine died last week & the services were today (I'm close to my Aunt, who was his mother & she's always really liked Jim). So he went with us to the funeral.<P>When we got home, there was a message from his mother, he got offered the job in VA! I'm really excited for him. Told him how proud I was of him, that he will be just fine & how good I think he will feel about himself once he gets adjusted.<P>So then, the phone rings, we let the answering machine pick it up, it was OW. She says "Jim, I know you're there, you better pick up because I'm on my way there!!!). So he calls her back & is saying stuff like "There's nothing wrong with you" and then he says "I told you I needed to be friends with her." I said "you need to tell her the truth-we're not just friends". He just waved me off. So then she says "You both better watch your backs cuz my sting is worse than my bite (what kind of sense that even makes I have no idea???!!!). And she hung up on him.<P>I f'ing flipped. I was not yelling, but I said, you'd better get your "girlfriend" under control. I am not going to have her f'ing with me, my house, or my kids. You need to get this done! I refuse to pay for the worst mistake you ever made in your life and you better get it fixed. I said you're allowing her to think she's got a right to feel this way about you. I said, I was with you for 5 years, I had your ring, she's been with you for 4 months, who does she think she is and why are you letting her? He said, she's not going to do anything, she's in the middle of trying to get her kids back, she wouldn't be that stupid. I said she's pretty f'ed up and so is her family, I wouldn't put it past her.<P>So I'm really mad, he's calling some of his friends telling them about his job and stuff. When he gets off the phone, he said, you're still pretty stirred up about this aren't you? I said yes, I'm really mad. He said at me? (DUH!!!!!). I said yes. You are letting this happen, you're letting her treat me like this, you're making problems for yourself and I'm mad about it. I said I'm getting a little sick of comming in second to her. He said, it's done (we'll see), he said I pretty much had my mind made up last night about it when I came up here. Like I said, we'll see.<P>Anyhow I am furious that she is threating me. I tried to call her, while he was still here, but I got her machine. I'm not sure if I'm going to try to call her later or not. I want to say, don't you EVEN think about doing anything to me. And if you think you're going to keep him away from me, you'd better forget it. You will not win this one. Don't know if I will do it or not. I'm not sure if it would be an LB to him or not, but I'm not sure if I really care. I know what she did was. I can't decide. I'm sure it would probably just stir her up even more. I am so so MAD! Sorry about the garbage mouth in this post-can't help it.

Bitsy,<P>I think you need to call the police and file a report.<P>To hell with her. You need to protect yourself & your kids.<P>Your H is such a conflict avoider. It's really sickening.<P>Something needs to be done NOW before it gets out of control. Since your H doesn't have the courage to do anything, I think that you need to take matters into your own hands.<P>This OW sounds so unpredictable. Don't put it past her to do something destructive. She sounds very vengeful & hateful.

Hang in there Bitsy!! I am on your side in this. OW needs to get her own man now-not someone elses husband. I wouldn't threaten her back show her you have grace and you are a lady and she is a low life. I would look into harrassment charges and such. I got caller id because of the way H would call me up all mad and such. This way I choose when I talk to him and I do not have to put up with nasty messaged and I know how many times he calls. Keep that boxing chin up and your guard right now.

He called me to see if I heard anything else from her, I said no. He said he left her a message saying that she could call him if she wanted to talk to him about it, but that she needed to leave me out of it. That I didn't do anything to her.<P>He told me again how it's done, said that we don't need this right now with all the other stuff that's going on (he's talking about him moving to VA). So we will see. . not sure if he means it this time or not.

bitsy,<P>I'd look into the option of filing a complaint with the police, as a starting point. I think he needs to do something about this. You can't force him, but when she starts making threats, then I wonder about Plan A and all that stuff. Time to protect your kids, and yourself. If he won't end it for good, then take a serious look at what you should do. Maybe then it would be better to do a Plan B. But I'm just rambling off the top of my head. I just get mad at knowing someone is making threats.<P>You might want to make it clear to him that you are not going to be subjected to this crap.<P>He shouldn't be taking it lightly. Take care of yourself and your kids.<BR>

Bitsy,<BR>I agree with the others who said to file a report with the police. At this point, you need to protect yourself and your kids! You may even be able to get a restraining order against her. Who knows---it could be a relief to him. And if she is trying to get her kids back, maybe just a police report about the threats will scare her enough to back off, so she doesn't have more problems with custody. Maybe you'll get really lucky and she'll decide he isn't worth it either and let him go to VA without a problem. DO NOT call her up!! Returning the threats only makes it worse and then your going to the police, if you do, carries less weight if you have to go for a restraining order. Take care of you and your kids.

Dear Bitsy,<P>File a restraining order to protect your family. The family unit of the police department should be able to provide instructions. If possible tape all her conversations indicate date and time. If you can prove that she means to bring physical harm to your family, the police may have a case. At least that is how it is done out in the west.<P>Avoid confrontations with her at all cost. Otherwise she may try to use it against you. If your H is still trying to protect her from you, let him. You need to watch out for yourself and your family. Your H will need to protect himself if he does not feel the need to protect his family. Hope that's not but just in case, be prepared for the worse. <P>Do you know what the OW looks like? If yes, circulate pictures so that family, friends and school authorities know who she is and if she tries any funny stuff, there will be more people to watch out for you & your family. Does this sound drastic? Yes, it is. Hope you don't have to go to that extreme. I am contemplating these extreme measures for myself right now. Don't want to alarm you just want you to be prepared. <P>Take Care and be careful.<P>L.