With the support I've gotten here in addition to reading "The 12 Step Guide for Codependants" by Melody Beatty, I have been carefully planning my escape from the situation I'm in.<P>I think the final blow was that H told me the day before Valentine's Day that he would be home that evening, but when I got home from work he was gone. No note this time. He was gone for two nights, then returned, and hid out in our spare room.<P>On Saturday morning, I calmly informed him that a realtor would be arriving that morning to look at the house. He was stunned! I told him that our present situation was intolerable, & that living with him wasn't much different than living with a drug addict. I also told him that "on the highway of life, he was sitting in the back seat and no one was behind the wheel". Before he left for work, he told me that I was right, that he's out of control.<P>Then, that night he didn't come home again!!<P>I continued to work on my exit plan, assuming that he had headed for OW's house again. So, last evening I was very surprised to see him come walking back in. He told me that he had driven about an hour after getting off work, then rented a cheap motel once he got too tired to drive. He said he then spent the day at a museum, then at a lake looking at the sailboats. (Sailboats are a biggy with him as we sailed down the west coast shortly after we were first married.) He then began reminescing about our sailing adventure we had together. I asked him why he hadn't called me and he said, "Because I figured you would tell me to come home; that I couldn't run away."<P>So, I MAY have a small window of opportunity here. I think I might have gotten his attention. But, I'm certainly not expecting any huge miracles. I just have to stay the course, and remain strong. Tonight I'm going to "strongly suggest" that he get back into counseling and start with some type of 12-Step program. He is so very lost.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sidney}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Love & prayers,<P>Lori

Dear Sidney:<P>I too live in an alcoholic marriage. I would most strongly recommend that you start a 12-step program in Al-Anon yourself before you do anything else!! (Meoldie Beattie gets the fun distinction of qualifying for AA and Al-Anon!) <P>Alcoholics know how to lie and manipulate like the best of them. They instinctively know when they have crossed that line with you, and will instantly change long enough to avoid those consequences. It's frustrating and enough to make the sanist person crazy. <P>Get help for you!! (((hugs)))<P>

Sidney: mine H also went away for a night. He came home drunk on a friday, said he was with his co-workers, don't know how he got home, talked to me for about two hours (all about how she and he are so connected and how he can't live without her) He also told me that he could be in her bed in just a phone call away. He then left, told me he would be back in an hour, well, all the hours passed, finally around 7AM then next morning, my son got him on his cell, he wanted to come home. We were up all night worring if he was dead, in a wreck or in her bed...Stupid me, i took him back...we need to stand strong. It is very hard and patience is what we need. Good Luck!