<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OOOO<P>I am so sorry that you are feeling down. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. Having come across those cards, I don't think you should throw them away - not at all. They are the happy memories tha tyou should want to hold on to - to encourage you in these bad times.<P>Why not tell your wife what you found? Tell her that you want the wife who wrote those cards back - that you don't want to be in a loveless marriage. You last posts seemed to indicate that you wanted to have a talk with your wife about your "plans." Maybe this would be a good catalyst for that conversation.<P>OOOO - you deserve a wife that loves you like the way you want to be loved. I just don't understand it either - how your wife won't even go to counseling, or to even try to have a happy marriage again.<P>Don't throw the cards away. If it hurts to look at them right now, then just put them in a box for safe-keeping. I think you need to keep those reminders - that your wife did love you - and that maybe she can love you that way again. Hang in there buddy. I know it's hard. . .

OOOO<P>I would suggest NOT throwing them out. I have a collection on stuffed bears that my H gave me on special occasions throughout our 24 yrs. together, before his 1 yr. PA/EA. They are all boxed up now because I couldn't bear(no pun intended) to look at them everyday knowing they were given with such love and tenderness and now that love is no longer there. I hope with all my heart that the love will return someday and then I will be glad I didn't toss them. In the mean time I fight the urge to pull them out and look at them--it's too painful. Pack your cards and letters away safely. There may come a time when they will bring you joy again. My heart goes out to you. I know what and how you are feeling. Hang in there. Remember, smile and the world will smile back at you. Believe that your rainbow is coming.

OOOO - ditto. I, too, have gone through lots of keepsakes, not only including my wife, but also my deceased son. I will never toss them because they represent to me tangible evidence of good memories.<P>If you didn't feel the way you did, I would think something was wrong.<P>Stay strong, but it's necessary to let go once in a while, I think.<P>Dave

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

I'm sorry for your pain. I understand how hard it must be to see momentos that were given to you, from your spouse, during happy times. You ask yourself, "How did we get to this dark place that we are at now?"<P>The D-Day for my H's affair was 2 years ago. In fact, I think that it will be 2 years, 2 days from now, Feb. 22nd! YUCK!<P>2 years ago, my H had given me a anniversary card & valentine's card. I remember how simple the cards were. He chose plain card with nothing significantly written in them. Little did I know, he had given me these cards in the midst of his affair. I wondered why the cards felt like there was no love in them at all.<P>After D-Day (my H's confession), I realized that he gave me those cards during the affair. I hated those cards and I tore them up right in front of him in our bedroom.<P>I felt that he didn't give me those cards out of love, but out of obligation. I didn't want them at all because they were an ugly reminder of his infidelity & deceit.<P>Funny thing, a year after D-Day, I was moving furniture in our bedroom and I found the torn pieces of those cards, pushed & hidden under the bedroom nightstand. The pieces were all there. I suppose my H didn't have the heart to throw the torn cards away when I ripped them up in front of him, the year before.<P>You know...I don't even know why I'm telling this story. I guess that I'm just rambling.<P>In my situation, I didn't really appreciate anything that my H gave me, during his affair...while he was giving something to the OW at the same time (Valentine's Day). It didn't have the same meaning. I would prefer to have a sentimental card because he meant it, not because he felt obligated to give it to me.<P>About those old cards that you found...DON'T throw them away. They are a happy reminder of your marriage. It will give you hope and maybe if you show your wife...it will give her hope that your marriage could be, what it once was.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OOOO,<P>I really don't know the answers to your question about showing them to your W. However, my first thought was that you should show her what you found while organizing your office/bedroom?? <P>I may remind her that at one time she did love you. I suspect that she doesn't recall that at all.<P>As I keep reading your posts, I keep getting the feeling that your W, has some serious mental problems. Yah! the affair will do that, but it seems to me her complete withdrawal from you and to some extent the family is very over the top. <P>Has she had any counseling? Has she seen a Dr? I know you are waiting until this summer, but it does seem that if she won't get help, there may be no hope for your marriage. Stating the obvious aren't I??<P>Hang in there OOOO.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

((((((OOOO)))))))<P>Just so sorry for the pain you are going through with all this. Thought you might need a hug.

OOOO,<BR>stuffed my momentos into a corner in my underwear drawer after d-day. I kept pulling them out and reading them to remind me that he did love me once. It gave me strength to continue with Plan A.<P>take care,<BR>cleo

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Onandoff: i can feel for you..My h is still having an affair however, the most painfull experience is going thru the past check, bills etc..and finding how he was dishonest and how he lied to me. Those night that he told me he was going to baseball games instead he was going to bed with OW...so, remember the good times. Here's a hug and keep smiling...There is will someone else to love and who will think you are just one fantastic husband. I hope my H reads this and realizes that I'm one wonderful person that he will miss..Good Luck...seaside...

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OOOO<P>I got rid of everything. I looked at them all & cried. It wasn't just mine, it was his also. The saddest part were letters we had written each other back in 1986, don't think we dealt with the problems then & then they built up. But back to why I threw them away, not much choice the packers (who were still wet) didn't pack them up. I found the pile in the closet after they had left. Didn't have enough room in the 12 suitcases that we brought on the plane. NO, it wasn't all clothes, legos, nitendo, rollerblades, other stuff the packers didn't pack. I also got rid of stuff the OW had sent him, took great delight in that. At least I will not have to deal with the stuff when/if I come back.<P>One other thing Joe Beam talks about old letters in his Love, Marrriage & Sex Seminar, he says he told his W that he didn't love her, never had, etc but his W pulled out a stack of letters showed them to the counselor & made him read them. He & his W are now married for the 2nd time.