Folks, I have been doing fine this last week-I started taking Zolaf last week, rearranged my office and house and started taking care of me-had no contact w/ H at all. H called last night-he is upset over the money situation, I guess he thought that we would get alot more money back on income taxes but didn't-I told him we wouldn't a couple of weeks ago. He said he has had enough he said that he has given me 3 months to get my **** together and that is enough time he will no longer help me with any of the bills, he started yelling and telling me he is closing out the savings account-I hung up and got real upset-called friends-H kept trying to call allnight, Iasked him not to yell at me and thats all he would do, the last time Ihe said he would shut off the utilities on me if I did not get them put in my name. I just do not understand him. He told his dad 3 weeks ago how he has goofed up and he tells people close to him this but when he talks to me he is super mean. WHy can't he say, can we meet this weekend and discuss the bills and such. Instead he jumps all over me and tells me my counseling bills and medical bills from him leaving are my problem not his.... Thank God I have a counseling session today...

Trs,<BR>Youch, I hope my Tax seeion goes better than that too. I am afraid we will not get much back because I have gone to working full time so have earned alot more money this past year. I just pray we dont have to pay, that would be a killer.<P>I'm sorry you had such a hard time. He has to be angry at you... otherwise he would have to face what he is doing. Keep trying to be the reasonable one in your relationship. <BR>Lora

Dear Trs,<P>My H yelled at me at the beginning for about 6 weeks. I finally told him that since we both knew I was the one trying hard to keep the peace in the family and working real hard to understand his frustration. He is the WS. That I did not appreciate his yelling at me when we both knew that he was actually yelling at himself and using me as a sounding board. I also told him that I agreed to be yelled at when it was deserved! I meant it. <P>At first this threw him off a bit and that is what I meant. I needed him to think not just react. OW teaches him to react without thinking. Anyway, there has only been 1 outburst with him losing it with me in the past 5 weeks. I consider it an improvement.<P>Just a suggestion. <P>Take Care,<P>L.

Trs,<P>I'm sorry your H is being so mean. Mine was too during his A. He insisted that I was stealing money from him - and so he opened his own checking account and changed his direct deposit. He insisted that I put all of the utilities in my name, and give him detailed information on my bills each month. (in 10 years of marriage he never cared or even LOOKED at a bill or a bank statement.)<P>I later found out that he was doing most of these things at the OW's urging. <P>So - I did what he requested because even though it hurt my pride, it was actually a good protection for myself. I changed all those utilities to my name, AND I password protected those accounts so that neither H or his OW could harrass me by shutting them off.<P>I gave my H detailed reports of my expenses every month - this did 2 things: One it gave me records for my lawyer to use regarding my current standard of living and my H's support, AND it also proved to my H that I was not stealing his money or wasting it. By going along with his demands, I took care of myself, made him somewhat happy (he felt in control) AND made the OW look bad without saying a word <G>.<P>My H eventually came to his senses when I went to a lawyer to have his paycheck garnished for the support he was slowly withdrawing. He suddenly realized that the OW was causing him a whole lot of trouble over accusations that had no basis in reality.<P>In the end, this was one of the major reasons their relationship broke up.<P>Take care of yourself, see a lawyer if your H's actions begin to harm your security and safety.

Thanks for your responses-I have prepared a letter and posted under a new subject. Its funny because H did not close out the accounts today. I wonder how much of this is OW creating fear in H and he is taking it out on me or she is PMSing. Either way I do not deserve this...