As many of you may remember from my "Need Perspective?" post, I have a wife who works away several days a week in a city with her former lover. I learned of an affair just 6 weeks ago and she promises me that it is dead.<P>We are talking, and more or less communicating normally. <P>However, all this distance makes me crazy and makes trust hard even though I am giving it as best I can.<P>My question is.. how far or often should I ask whether she has communicated or seen him, etc. On some level I trust her.. BUT, I did that before this happened and look where that got me.<P>As some of you know I am working hard on Plan A and we are making progress, but the thoughts come up in my mind constantly and I could use reassurance and she's not volunteering that.<P>So how do I best handle these emotions I have while we talk without hurting the essense of Plan A?<P>Thanks for your insights in advance.<P>K

You ask her as often as you need to, but I think that you should also make it well known that it would help a little more if she offered you the information. Building trust again can take a very long time and she should be understanding enough to be very patient with you......until. Until is up to you, not her or anybody else.

Karl,<P>I agree with MT. Anytime you have to dig for contact info no-matter how insignificant you will naturally think it's a cover story. She may not understand that volunteering contact information makes you feel like She's being open and honest. Ask her if she can just freely give that information to you at the beginning of each phone call of visit. Even if it is to say "I didn’t see or talk or email with him today". THat should help you focus on her for the remainder of the conversation. Let her know that this will help you redevelop some trust over time. <P><BR>Mike<P><BR>