Well, today before work, I wrote a letter to my H about my feelings of insecurity and his unaccountability (his late nights out driving). I asked him if sex is all we have to keep us together. I told him that all I want is the honest truth about what he is feeling.<BR>His response in a nutshell:<BR>First of all, there isnt anyone else. The sex is great, but there has to be more than just that. He cant give me more right now. Maybe we should be friends. If this is going to work, we need to be friends because we never had that chance before we were married. <BR>At the bottom is a picture he drew of our "door" that we're working on to get through the wall that we made. Its signed, Come on in, love you.<BR>Any ideas?<BR>Does this mean he wants to start completely over? Divorce? Separation? Living together as friends?<BR>Baffled, please help.<BR>Thanks~<BR>Roberta<BR>

I don't know what it meant but it seems he wants to try, go through that door. It may not seem like but you are lucky, both of you want the same thing a better marriage.

Welcome <B>RobertaLea</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It's geared toward discovered infidelity...<BR>...but in your case too... it can be helpful.<P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Plan A represents 1/2 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A>...<BR>...all of which will help you.<P>Consider also...<BR><A HREF="http://www.wwme.org/new.html" TARGET=_blank>World Wide Marriage Encounter</A> and <A HREF="http://www.retrouvaille.org/" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille</A><P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A><p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 22, 2001).]

Sing, <BR>Thanks for responding. I am going to walk through the door. I know that its open now. He was never open to me about his true feelings and I am glad now that he can share those with me <BR>NSR,<BR>Thanks for your post! I am not quite a newbie here, but I appreciate the welcome <BR>I usually post in the Emotional Needs section of the forum, I just wanted a new spin on my situation. I like this site and have clicked on just about every link you can imagine!! <BR>The Plan A thing doesnt seem like a bad idea, but I dont think I know really where to start. This friendship thing while being married baffles me somewhat. I dont know what exactly what I am allowed to do with him. This morning he said that it would be a good idea not to have sex right now, either. Friends dont do that... <BR>To clarify things a little better:<BR>He had an affair a little over 4 yrs ago, I think. (The time frame really escapes me). He broke it off and didnt want anything to do with her. She had a son as a result of the A. She was deemed unfit about a year ago, so she signed over custody of their son to us before the state did. <BR>My H was a stay at home dad for a long time, until about 3 or 4 months ago, when he found a job that he really likes. Our shifts differ so much, he works from 3-11 and I work from 8-5. We have been constructing a "door" to get through the wall that has been put up between us. Thus, the comment in the letter...<BR>I am faced with things that I do not understand, therefore I come here to get a new spin on things that I think/feel/etc.<BR>I love my H very much and I want this to work. <BR>What kinds of ideas would be safe to try, being friends? I know sex is out of the question now, but I dont know whats off limits... <BR>Thanks so much <BR>Roberta