I don't know what to think about this. I talked to him on the phone and he was talking about moving & about OW. He said stuff like, if I'm supposed to be seeing her (thought she wasn't his girlfriend???-what the hell was I??), I should end it before I come to your house & stay over again. I don't see myself having a long distance relationship with her. I really should be honest w/her, I'm not going to get involved with her kids, it's just not fair, I definately don't want to stop seeing your girls. You understand don't you?????<P>Yea, I guess. . . I mean I hear him saying he's choosing me, but he just seems SO happy about it, jeez, could I be a little luckier? He said a bunch of stuff, but I can't remember it cuz, I don't know, it was hard to listen to. Cuz really what he was saying is that he needs to be loyal to her until he ends it with her. (yea, why don't you ruin the last little bit of time we have together by worrying about her. . ). I guess I should be glad, I mean, I talked to his BF last night and he didn't say anything to him about it, only to me. I know that I'm the one he talks to the most, but it was hard to listen to. Plus he's trying to be honest with me, like I asked. But still, yikes, it felt yuckie. He did thank me for supporting him with this move. I'm going to loan him some money from my tax return, until he gets his back, said it means a lot to him. I know I've scored a lot of points lately, but it doesn't really feel like it too much. I guess now I see what Leilana was telling me about wanting him to run from her. He's ending (maybe) it because he knows it's not right/not going to work, but he's not very happy about it.<P>Do you think I'll ever hear, thanks for being so strong for me, thanks for still loving me through all that?

bitsy - sounds like more positives than negatives. Keep doing what your doing and be patient. He's wavering maybe and more ups and downs could be likely. Will you ever hear what you want to hear? Maybe not, but hopefully you'll feel it.<P>WAT

Dear Bitsy,<P>Hang in there. He is sounds like he is thinking. This is good. His feelings are mixed and he is confused. The move is a big and I don't think he wants to blow it but his feelings are mixed up. Try to be his friend. Be understanding. If the OW is possessive and sees that she is losing him, she will show the negative side of herself. <P>That's what I am banking on. My H is very weak physically, drained financially and emotionally on the edge. Not much I can do at this point. Gotta hope and pray. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bitsy:<BR><B> I talked to his BF last night and he didn't say anything to him about it, only to me. I know that I'm the one he talks to the most ... . Plus he's trying to be honest with me ....He did thank me for supporting him with this move. now Do you think I'll ever hear, thanks for being so strong for me, thanks for still loving me through all that? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bitsy, I just was wondering about you and I find you mentioning something I said--how sweet. I'm glad that stuck with you.<P>Everybody is right. This is so positive!<P>And let the witch do all the negative thinking and talking right now!<P>I hope you got to eat your ice cream for dinner! Cause it looks like those "glory" days will soon be over!<P>Hon, you are now dealing with a man struggling out of his fog. And it's gonna suck for him big time, so you're gonna have to take your nausea medicine now if you are going to deal with him well. He's going to be saying some really idiotic things re: the OW. His head isn't really screwed on right just yet. But I guaruntee that day will come. Just not for a while yet. He's still got that "OW hangover". He knows she's bad for him, but he's gotta go thru the withdrawal process anyway. <P>You're work is now reaching the next level. <BR>His coming home does not mean you will be happy! In fact, it will be harder! You will be getting crumbs in return for a while while having to wash those dirty BVD's of his! <P>You're going to have to power-up, Hon. And trust that the light at the end of the tunnel is there, but you just won't see it for a while. But enjoy the little glimmers you're getting. Look for and see the positives. They are there!<P>For example: I especially liked the BF part of your post! Bitsy--YOU are his BF!! You know more than his supposed BF does about the way he is feeling. Your H confides in YOU, not that "BF". You have done quite an amazing job, Girlfriend!n Take a bow!<P>The hard part about getting them back is you want them to start loving you right away. That is where you have to change your perspective. They can't switch their gears that fast. Give him time. He has to continually see proof of your ability to meet those one or two needs that only she was meeting. He has to see not only how perfect you are for him but he needs proof that it's lasting and not just temporary to get him back home. <P>I think that's a WS's worst case scenario: Leaving something (OW) they once thought was so wonderful gave up everything (you and your marriage, his morality, self-respect, intelligence) for only to come back to the same rut. (Sorry) He's afraid of making two mistakes instead of just the one. That would only prove he was an idiot-squared!<P>He's going to be cautious. He loves and needs this friendship--but it will be time before he sees and trusts you to be his everything. It will be a while before he talks about love with you.<P>You gotta keep showing him till he trusts it. <BR> <BR>And let the witch do all the LBing!<P>Aloha,<P>L<BR> <P> <P><P>------------------<BR><I>No rain, no rainbows</I>

You guys are all right. I'm good now. . I sometimes get really good at feeling sorry for myself. I was expecting too much, too soon. I see his love for me, it's there, just still a little clouded by whatever he feels for OW. Check my newest post. It's good news.<P>I am his BF, and he's not going to give me up. And actually, it feels good to be that to him, even though I may have to sometimes listen to things I don't like so much. I sometimes think about a year or two from now, him asking me how I could have done all the things I'm doing right now for him. . and the answer will be, because that's what you needed me to do. I will be anything you need me to when you're having trouble.<P>Thanks for your perspective, I sometimes need an attitude adjustment.