Since H's EA 4 months ago i have no attatchment to him at all. <BR>I sit here and think of all the things we dont like about eachother and dont have in common and i wonder why im still here. We casnnot agree no anything and his attitude is so crappy that id rather just avoid him all together... I have no inclination to spend time with him or work on our marraige. I feel that its over all ready im just here biding time.<BR>I know this is a very negative outlook and my H has no clue of my feelings about our marraige.. He would just as soon we drop the whole thing. (his EA and its affects)but i have no emotions to move forward and try to rebuild..... i sat there and said that i did and that i wanted our marraige to work. but i think i was trying to convince myself.<BR>SO now what?<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

Wow that's hard. Isn't it amazing how everyone comes from a different place. Some feel love and can't obtain it and others feel cold and receive tons of love. Go figure..<P>Your marriage is worth fighting for because you once thought so and that wasn't so long ago. <P>My wife tells me she feels emotionless for me right now and she's the one who had the affair. It seems to come from your emotions being hit so hard that they shut down and you go into survival mode. It's hard to feel love and desire when you just spent time getting whacked on the head with all this. I think you may be there, in survival mode. <P>So take it one very small step at a time. Find something that you truly loved about this person and focus on it. This may be helpful.<P>Frankly, I wonder how many folks actually come out of this emotional coma towards wayward spouses. Mine lasted very short.. but then again, we're all different.<P>Just remember you are not in a clear state of mind, focus on the good.. he wants to improve, give him enough leverage to show u how.<P>Good Luck and my prayers are with you!<P>K<P>

Emotional Coma...... Nicely phrased. <BR>Sometimes i feel like trying and i actually want his companionship but this is rare. <BR>Most of the time im indifferent. I look at him and feel hurt betrayed etc..... focus on a point that i love about him?.......right now i cant think of any. why did i marry him? that reason seems to have slipped my mind also..... why is it i feel like this<BR>i want to love my H but is so hard right now... how to i oversome these tremendous feeings of resentment.<BR>H does not try to change his crappy behavior. I ask him why hes still here.... he says cause he loves me....... i ask him why he loves me.... he says .. i just do.<BR>theres more to life than this. more to marriage than our problems that we cannot seem to resolve...... H is also a compulsive liar as you will read in my other posts..... and that alone drives me nuts cause i dont know if hes telling me the truth....... i just want my old maraige back. the one before he decided that i wasnt good enough and sought out another.<BR>

You know, recovery from an affair (emotional or physical) does not just happen. You & spouse have to work at it. <P>MB has outlined a plan that really will work at restoring those "dead" feelings. You just have to follow it, even tho you may not feel greatly motivated right now. Truly, you can end up quite in-love with each other again.<P>Start here: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_plan.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_plan.html</A> <BR>