Ever since my wife and I split up I've been wondering if I were too controling. I trust her with all my heart but at the time I wonder if I was too jealous. I work Friday through monday noon to midnight. I used to get so mad when she went out because I couldn't. That was the real reason I got so upset. I trusted her but I was just being selfish. I wish I could show her that I wouldn't do that anymore but I don't know how. I keep thinking she left just to be able to go out and party. The OM hasn't come up again and she hasn't seen him. He did some love bustin on his own and I think she is mad at him. I love her very much I just wish she would give me a chance. I wonder how long it will take her to realize the party life isn't all it's cracked up to be? I was also wondering if we got married too young. I was 22 and she was 20. Maybe she only wants to see what being 21 is all about. let me know if anyone has any ideas. I'm very glad I found this sight. It has been very helpful and everyone has made me feel alot better. thanks again

I suggest you give her some space, but only if you can be confident in your self. Demonstrate your selfconfidence and control the jealousy and frustration. In other words, don't give her reasons for going out without you. Just my thoughts.<P>WAT

I know exactly where you are. . I think that I was probably the biggest control freak that ever lived. I finially had to just let it go, to just let him go. .I began to work on myself and I found a lot of things that needed fixing. While still telling him all the while that I loved him, I also realized that this time had to be, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could not make it end, it would end when it was time. And I actually found myself being pretty happy most of the time-don't get me wrong, I missed him, I hated that he was with OW, but I also knew that I couldn't do anything about it. And do you know what?. . since I've changed my attitude to thinking about it this way, I've seen a ton of progress in him/us. It's almost like, by not trying to control it/him, I've actually controlled it-does that make sense? Let her go, you can't stop her from doing what she "thinks" she wants to do. She has to learn about this on her own. Just let her know that you're there for her if she needs you. . I remember one time I was praying about it and I just had a thought pop into my head that said "He's got to do this, he is learning and this is how he has to learn right now. He will be back, just be paitent." It was very comforting. Just hang in there and know that you can't fix it-directly (wink, wink!!).

controlling is an interesting thought. I have realized and am still learning that you CAN NOT MAKE SOMEONE CHANGE AND YOU CAN NOT GET THEM TO DO WHAT YOU WHAT THEM TO DO, EVEN IF IS THE BEST FOR THEM. This is difficult and everyday i have to say it to myself over and over.<P>it amazes me that there are so many people out there that have marriages that are in great deal of distress, Why don't they tell you all this before you marry and each year thereafter.<P>I love my children dearly, but I can't help but think that if we did not have 3 children in 2.5 years, my husband would not have "gone over the edge."<P>You only can Control yourself. Work on yourself and feel good about who you are and what you are all about. It does help, little by little<P>hopelessmen