Good Morning!<P>I just saw the post concerning the letter from Plain Jane, and while I responded to that one, I just wanted to see how you were doing. <P>I went back through some of your old posts, and I was just curious about how you were doing through all of this - and how your family is doing. <P>I really admire your courage and strength in trying to help PJ get through her struggles, but I just wanted to see how things were going for you. If you get a chance, I would love to here an update on you - not just PJ. Til then, take care.

SKM,<BR>Well, thanks so much for asking. It's been kind-of tough, of course. The past few months had been one bad thing after another, it seemed. I was not feeling safe with PJ, but things started to improve when she went into the treatment center. Due to the emotional state she was in, her latest admissions to me finally had the ring of truth, and when we started family counselling, the very first thing the counselor brought up was "complete disclosure". With all she had gone through, and sitting there in such a protected enviornment, when she told me that she had no more secrets, I finally began to feel safe.<P>I've said to PJ that her behavior is worse than anyones I read about, but I'm begining to see that her willingness to work to make it up to us, is stronger than anyones as well. I mean she has fully accepted that her problem with addiction led her into all of this. As bad as all of it was, her humility, in giving up everything to go to this treatment center, has really given us some solid ground to start rebuilding on. <P>When I finally got off drugs in 1987, it was only after my first marriage fell apart. I went into a treatment center, then a half-way house, and there was no one left. Everyone had given up on me right before I found recovery. I've thought from the beginning that I don't want to give up on PJ right before the miracle, but it was hard. I suffered terrible pain, lost weight, etc. I'll tell you though, we addicts are needy people, and though her behavior was really tough, and my pain, and anger severe, we really clutched onto one another. If there was a way, we were going to find it.<P>Now, I've been trying to come out of my "shell". I had pulled away, unwilling to face the fact that my wife was basicly living like an active addict. I've had to take on the responsibility of keeping the house together, cooking our meals, and being a father to our daughters. It's been hard on them, and yet I think they know it is for the best. I think it is a natural reaction for the children to try to connect with the one parent, when the other is taken away. I've felt my relationship with both the girls grow over these past three weeks - something that is helping my sef-esteem. <P>The woman we have as our family therapist is really amazing. Maybe it's us just being "ready", but our sessions with her are unbelievable. We talk about our hurts, we cry, we hold each other. At one point, in our very first session, she asked if she could "take my voice". I had been sharing with PJ about how I felt about the betrayal. Well, we sit close - facing each other - and the therapist got right behind my shoulder and started speaking for me. She was not putting words in my mouth, she was saying the same things I had been saying. But she relieved me of having to think of the right words, and sitting there PJ and I looked into each others eyes, and the tears started to flow. It was the most powerful, and healing thing I've ever felt. We held each other and wept.<P>It was that session that really gave me hope. The people there had said J, the therapist, "works miracles", and they weren't kidding. <P>So now I feel like we have a recovery started. I'm missing her real bad, and it looks as if they may let her out in 5 weeks rather than 6. I hope so. PJ is getting into all the positive type stuff, I've always wanted for her, so as I get past the pain of all of this, I see much to be grateful for.<P>You're too kind, saying I have strength, but thank you. Actually I have love for PJ, and the experience of having made some very bad mistakes myself.<P>Also, before I close, I should let you know just how much your friendship has meant to PJ, and me. You know, SKM, I think so many of us betrayed spouses love to read your posts because of the goodness in your heart. You have a true remorse - you've not only shown it to your H, but you go out of your way to help others. When I read your posts, I wanted so much for my W to gain some of the peace you've found. I wanted so badly to ask you to "Please help my wife". But I knew I had tried to control, and "fix" things in the past, and that my efforts usually backfired, so I just kind-of prayed that she would find you. I thank you more than you could know for reaching out to her.<P>David<P>[This message has been edited by Davidb (edited February 26, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Davidb (edited February 26, 2001).]

David -<P>What a beatuiful update. . .I feel like I've just seen your soul. I'm actually crying here, not because of the things you're going through, but because of the obvious love that you have for your wife. And, I know how much that means to her; and I know how much YOU mean to her.<P>You may think that your counselor is working a miracle - but miracles only happen to those who believe in them. I mean, after all you have been through, PJ has been through - you still love each other. I know how bad her situation was - she basically told me everything. But, you know, I really admire her. . .It may have taken her a while, but she is getting the help that she needs - and I truly believe that you both will be stronger because of what you were willing to endure together. Her story may have been one of the "worst" that you ever came into contact with - but I truly believe that someone who is doing everything wrong day in and day out, can suddenly do the right thing. And, doing the right thing takes a lot of courage, as you know. I think you BOTH are amazing people. Neither one of you deserved what you are going through right now, but once you do get through it - how sweet the victory!<P>David, please tell PJ that if either one of you ever need anything, I'm only an email away! I'm glad they are thinking about letting her out of the treatment center in five weeks versus the six weeks she thought it would be. If you wouldn't mind, could you tell me when she will be released to go home? And, I only have her address at the treatment center - so if you wouldn't mind, could you send me your home address as well? If you think it appropriate, my email is skm_mb@hotmail.com.<P>Thanks, again, for giving me "your side of the story." You two really are good people - always remember that. No matter what life throws at you, you've proven that you can handle it. . .No matter what happens from this day forward, you both have a lot to be proud of, and I am very glad that I know you. <BR>