A life-long friend divorced and discovered an STD in the process, courtesy of XW. Very hard for him to accept. Prevents him from seeking new relationships. Not much desire on his part. At what point does he tell someone that he has an STD, if he gets back into dating? Where in a new relationship do you feel this should be revealed?

Of foremost importance to everyone WS/FS whatever...<BR>... is <B>honesty</B>...<P>The point when there is the slightest inkling of "serious commitment"...<BR>...it must be told.<P>and... unfortuantely in today's world... I have to say it...<BR>...before any sexual activity too.<BR>(since conjugal love and sexual activity don't equate anymore... )<P>You're a good friend...<BR>...one who doesn't leave another when the going gets tough! <P> <P>Jim

Hi,<P>Your friend is not alone - my xH gave me an STD too. I know there are others here as well who have been diagnosed and I suspect many who probably have something they don't realize they have yet (like I didn't actually for a lot of years - xH lived a double-life that I never suspected). I personally am almost 40 and have no desire to date and am kind of ok with myself enough to be alone. But when you go thru the rollercoaster of this junk, there was a time I considered wanting to date. I guess that's just part of being so lonely after many years of marriage. I think I've heard the same thing Jim mentioned but have no experience with it. I feel like that person would run for the hills the minute they were informed, and who wants to be rejected that way? There are dating websites for STD's, but I personally would never do that. I don't know what you do. Supposedly there's a lot of people with it, but even knowing that, I still feel like the only one. I guess I feel like I'd never be lucky enough to find someone who has it already, who also has all the good Christian qualities I'm looking for, and I could never be with someone who didn't have it because the guilt of passing it to someone you love would be too much. So what do you do. Like I said, I'm happy enough with myself and my children.<P>I don't think I'm helping you somehow. Just be a good friend to this person. I don't know what I would have done without my good friends because you truly feel your life is ruined after finding this out. <P>---------<BR>Kathy<P><p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited February 27, 2001).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by weirded out:<P><BR>To WO - <BR> I don't think you are in a hopeless situation. You are not giving yourself the benefit of a doubt. There is a man out there (more than one actually) who is under the same set of circumstances, thinking the same things you are. There are ways to beat STDs. And if you are a Christian, you know God can heal you and give you the desires of your heart.

Hi again,<P>I didn't say I feel hopeless exactly, just that I'm probably not going to take the risk, and I'm not sure I want to either. There are other issues with remarrying that relate to my kids that I'm thinking of too. There may be other Christian guys out there in the same situation, but not probably many and then on top of that they'd have to actually cross paths with me and I'd have to actually notice - because like I said, my mind just isn't there, not even looking.<P>I am a Christian person. That's the only thing that has gotten me thru ALL of this heartbreak. I couldn't imagine going thru this without God to lean on.<P>I sure hope for a cure someday but it's a weird virus (attaches to your DNA and stuff). God bless to you and your friend.<P> <P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy