Sometimes I feel like I'm in a marathon but I don't know how far away the finish line is. Will it appear suddenly, or in the distance, or will I hit the wall and quit first?<P>It's been about 9 months since my wife's affair started. She still denies it - or would deny it - I haven't asked about it for quite a while. I know it's still in progress. I treat her as if we just have serious marital troubles. I don't think about the OM and I have no anger - just no respect. All of our comminication is either business, e.g., taxes, or about our son. We haven't done anything as a family since Christmas. I keep inviting and she keeps declining.<P>I saw some old neighbors over the weekend who used to live across the street from OM and family (a few doors down from us). Our three families were very close. They are still dumbfounded about what took place.<P>I know my wife is in financial stress. She still owes me a lot of money. A few weeks ago I presented her with an itemized list totaling $4700+ going back to October. She gave me $3500, explaining that she hasn't figured out yet what I owe her for some expenses she incurred. She gives me all her financial mail unopened (except bank statements) so I can track her retirement savings. Nonetheless, she accused me of being sleezy when I told her we'll owe over $5000 more in taxes thanks to capital gains hits we took to liquidate some investments when we separated. She claimed that I've manipulated the finances so she'll owe more. I explained that I'm not being sleezy and why would I risk something stupid like that if I want to reconcile? I was proud of myself for not LB'ing by saying something like, "You're calling ME "sleezy?" I'll tell you who's sleezy around here." It was fun thinking it. Then she said, no, I don't think you're being sleezy. Overall, she's been real paranoid that I'm going to get revenge somehow - maybe she thinks that it's warranted?<P>Anyway, back to the finances. In addition to the money she owes me piling up and the taxes, we have private school tuition coming up due in March for the next school year. There's no way she can keep up. I know financial support is an EN, but this is business and I run the risk of stretching myself too thin, so some LB'ing might result if I have to get firm. I'm going to try to walk the thin line between EN and LB on this one. Maybe they'll be enough stress to spill over into La La land and cause some trouble. I know OM has to be supporting his unemployed W and two kids in college and another in middle school - so he's not likely to provide any $$ - he's too cheap anyway.<P>Wednesday is my wife's birthday. I'll take a stab and invite her over for a little birthday thing with me and our son. I'll even make a cake! I plan on getting her something practical for her new car that she can't afford. Maybe one of those hang down smell good things you put on your mirror for when OM rides in her car. HA - just kidding!! Actually, I expect her to decline any invitation.<P>That's it. Just Plan A'ing waiting for the fog to lift, but continuing my life as if it won't and taking care of my son. Spring baseball starts soon, so that will keep us busy.<P>Any suggestions on the financial stuff is appreciated.<P>Dave (WAT)

Dave, is there a financial advisor or an attorney you could speak to? Perhaps he could help you work out a way for your W to meet her end of the finances without creating a lot of ugliness that usually comes with squabbles over financial matters.<P>Even if she declines, you should invite her for her birthday. It can't hurt!

Dave, I have beeen in your boat with the financial info but I cannot give you any advice. H called me last week acussing me of spending allthe money and running up the credit card(I have used the credit to buy two books on infidelity-that is all) Anyways, I provided him with a budget plan for the next month and copies of the check book register to prove I have not been splurging-It still did not help me though-he is still telling me to get my finances under control so he can prceed with OW. I wish there was some magical potion to break the fog....Hang in there and keep up with Plan A.<p>[This message has been edited by Trs (edited February 26, 2001).]

Thanks for the replies, ladies. Actually, if we go to divorce, all the finances will be settled according to the separation agreement. She'll have to pay somehow.<P>Dave

Hey Dave,<BR>I wish I could offer some sort of information to you, but I don't know really what to say. I am watching my wife do the same stuff as you already know. She is starting to get herself in a hole and still keeps on spending. <P>It's too bad that we couldn't develop some kind of giant fan to just blow the fog away. Between our two spouses, I think it reaches to Europe though!!!!<P>Hang in there my friend, you inspire me as I don't think that I am doing a very good job. <P>Mike

Dave,<P>I truly wish I could give you some good advice. You have certainly supported me in the past. Numbers just isn't my thing. I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you and your family.<P>cleo