My hotmail e-mail is screwy, so I lost my password for the "Alexandria" screen name. But I wanted to post an update since it's been so long, and for once it's a good one.<P>I had my first prenatal appointment Friday - the baby is due October 15th. Everything seems okay, and I have my first ultrasound on the 7th of March.<P>We've been struggling financially since my H took this job as a Nurse's Aide. We were living paycheck to paycheck before he took this job, and then he took a $600 per month pay cut. That and we owe $2300 in taxes (plus our property taxes are behind) this year. Needless to say, we are extremely stressed about money. <P>And I have turned into a royal b*tch since my H took this new job. Part of it was due to money stress, part of it was due to the fact that Smurfette conveniently got herself hired on at his job a month after he joined, and part of it was due to my insecurity about all of the women that he would be working with, and the fact that I never see him anymore. I'd felt so unloved, and my H had never shown me ANY emotion over the past few years other than anger. That's just the way he has always been...he was brought up with the belief that showing feelings is a sign of weakness, through both his Southern heritage and his Navy Seals training.<P>There have been a couple of nights where I've slept on the couch because I was irratated. We've constantly bickered at each other lately, and it's such a waste when we only have a few hours together each week. Finally yesterday, he asks me why I'm always so angry at him. I told him that I felt like we had grown apart. <P>He said that he didn't know what to do anymore, that he was thinking about giving up nursing altogether for me to solve our money difficulties, but he was worried that our marriage was doomed anyway, so it would be for naught.<P>He then started crying. He told me how much he loved me and how he would anything in the world for me. He said that he wished he knew what it would take to make me happy.<P>In the four years that I have been with this man, I have never, ever once seen him cry. It was like nothing could touch him - when I packed up and left him last summer, I didn't even see him bat an eye over it. I felt like the lowest life form on earth when he started, but it was a huge breakthrough for me.<P>It made me realize how I've been taking this man for granted. I've told him that I've forgiven him, but in reality, I've still kept him at arm's length to prevent him from hurting me again. He does love me, he always has loved me. <P>He's stuck it out through 2 years of major lovebusters (y'all know what I'm talking about ). He comes home at night. But what makes the biggest impact of all with me is that he feels the same hurts that I do, the same joys, the same disappointments. We need to knock down this wall that's between us. We're both working to do that.<P>I'm trying to be a better wife to him. He's trying to be a better husband to me. It's definitely a step in the right direction.

Hey CB! So glad to hear everything's OK with the baby! And, WOW, sounds like those walls are coming down. Keep em coming!!!<P>It is wonderful that you've come this far---keep up the Plan Aing, it'll do more good now than ever!!<P>Take Care

CB,<P>I'm glad to hear your good news, both about your pregnancy and your marriage. I've probably only posted to you once or twice, but had followed some of your recent adventures and wondered how you were.<P>The financial thing is tough, expecially for an expectant mother, but I'm glad you're recognizing that other things are more important. Good for both of you for being willing to take a chance on being vulnerable again. I know what it's like to be there, afraid to open back up, and it's tough just like financial stress. However, the only other option (backing away) leads to holding grudges and destruction of the relationship.<P>Way to go!<P>Steve

CB,<P>

CB, I'm so happy about your good news!! I was wondering how you were doing. I always enjoy reading your posts and this one really made my day!!

CB,<P>See that! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. good to hear from you.<P>cleo