ok i have some new update but i need advice about it. if you read ow put h in jail, you will know my story. anyway h called to see if he and brother can come over so bro can use my computer i said ok. well h was flirting like crazy and then asked if i could make him something to eat. i told him no but i did eventually do it cause the kids needed to eat too. then he spilled ketchup on his pants and wanted me to get a wash rag, i told him to use his legs and get one himself, teased eachother about it for 15 min then he finally got it. then wanted to know if he had left some pants here, which he knows he didn't, then followed me into the bedroom. told him the only thing that i have of his was a jacket and some hats. looked at the hats and sad 2 of them weren't his, which they are, and said that they must me my boyfrien's. mention several times about me having a boyfriend and snooping through clothes. i was dying told him that i didn't have a boyfriend. i think he just wanted to know. then was asking me if my boobs were mine, ha! said yes but was thinking that he was with ow so long who was flat that's why he thought that i looked bigger. then all afternoon he was grabbing me and touching me and so on. he also hugged me several times. the last time he was touching me alot and i said that if he didn't quit i was going to grab him, he said that i didn't have to worry that he was already hard since he got here, sorry being so upfront, just wanted to know what you thought. then he said that he wanted a hug then he said that he appreciates everything that i have done through all of this then i know he wanted to kiss me but i put my head down and he kissed my forehead so i puched him playing around towaards the door and through me on the couch and i hate to admit it but was realling turning me on but i pushed him away again and he kissed me on the forehead. a lot more happen but do you guys think? i let him take my car and the kids back to his mom's rv to spend the night, figure let him get a feeling of having the kids overnight, he has not done that since he left almost a year ago. and i let him use my car cause the one that he has she has reported stolen to get him in trouble and he is just dropping it somewhere, but for now it is hidden down the street. so what do you think?

Oh my GOD!!! I would LOVE to be in your shoes!!! I do not know if I would jump in the sack soooo soon but that is up to you. It does seem as if he is coming around though. Are you two in counseling or interested in counseling??? This may be a good idea-even if he doesn't want to be in it-it would help you with all of these feelings!! I'm glad you sent the kids with him-he probably misses them. It was soooo big of you not to go out and get a boyfriend during all of this..

I have only dreamt about something like that and although I wish it would happen i would also be sooo scared at the same time. Thinking, oh no, what should I do, I want to but is it the right thing right now. Would he be just using me or what. I don't know if I could stand being just a place to put it for the night. 'that's me.<P>Take it slow and do a hip hip hooray dance!<P>hopelessmom

ok i have a few updates, h was over here yesterday again, still flirting even walked in on me getting change and tried to touch me, i told him to not to start something that he couldn't finish. lol. anyway, he was looking for something that he left he along time ago and i wasn't sure where it was. he said something about the things that meant something to him was gone. i walked outside and he followed me apologizing saying that it wasn't me that he just has lost so much. then i started crying, we had a very long talk, i told him that i wanted my life back, that everthing that i wanted was gone. alot of other things but he said that he apologizes for touching me the way that he has been but he wanted to and it's taken everything he has to not swoop me up a run off with me, and that he misses me, and that he wants to come home but that he needed to get his **** together that it wasn't right for him to run to me, to her, to me, and then her again. he said that she is totally out of the picture so that we didn't have to worry about her. he hugged me so many times then he asked if he could kiss me and i told him that i would melt. then he said how about an eskimo kiss, i was still crying so he kissed my eyes, then was licking my nose to wipe the tears away. i was dieing inside. i was still crying and he said why are you crying, we are having a good talk something that we needed and that he felt good about it. i just told him that i'm a failure. he said no your not you have been put through so many test and that i had passed, i told him no i haven't cause i still don't have what i want. then i told him something that i was keeping to myself. i said i know it is wrong to feel the way i do but that i was jealous of the kids, and he said because they get to spend time with me and i told him yes. he said that he couldn't believe that he choose ow over his kids but he needed to establish a relationship with them again. we talked about so many that my mind is still clutter, but he felt he needed this time to figure him out but he had no right asking me to keep my life on hold. he also said that he change so much that in a month i might not even want him, i told him as i pointed to his heart that he was in there and that i did want him. we talked a little more then he had to go and he kissed me on the lips real quick and said ha i got one. i was up all night thinking cause i still really didn't know what was going to go on, just that i knew he does miss me and does what to come home. he told his brother that he is a fool for destroying his family. so this morning i called him and he sounded happy to hear from me and all i said is that i was thinking and the one thing that i meant to say was what he thought about us moving slow and dating, he said that we could do that, but he didn't want me to put my life on hold that he still felt that if i wanted to go out like i have been that he felt i didn't have to call him and that if he wanted to go have a couple of beers that he could. i said i understood that i wasn't going to stop going out and he said that he would like it and that we could go out like once a week or something like that. i don't kno i was very nervous asking him. h has been the one this whole time talking about not wanting to give me false hope and the kids will know that we would go out so i'm thinking maybe we need to do this to bring back the bond. and he didn't say anything about seeing other people just that he felt that i should still go out like i have been. what do you think i should do