What have you done for yourself and for your children to help you get through this difficult time?<P>I just thought that if we would put our brains together and share with each other the special things we have done it would help some of us or all of us get some ideas of things we do that help us get thru this.<P>What I have done:<P>1) I take relaxing baths with Calgon or bath beads-this helps me get up and get going in the morning.<BR>2) I have made my house smell like a craft store-lots of candles and potpouri<BR>3) I rearranged my house and office<BR>4) I park in the middle of my garage<BR>5) I did admit I needed an anti-depressant and got a prescription for it.<BR>6) I went into counseling.<P>If you would like to add your own devices or ideas PLEASE do so!!<p>[This message has been edited by Trs (edited February 27, 2001).]

Dear TRS,<P>I wrote a journal. For me this was therapy. My 6 year old also wrote a letter to his dad. This was hard but worth the effort for all of us. <P>Keeping busy with friends and family. Letting those close to me know what is going on so that they can lend support. <P>For me, cleaning things out. I started my spring cleaning early this year. It has been energizing. <P>Best of all take care of yourself. Let your children participate in helping you. This will make them feel like they are contributing to your healing process. <P>My H says that he now wants to be part of our family again and wants to spend all his free time doing things together as a family, even simple errands like running to the market. He says he wants stability and routine back in his life. This was a revelation for me. Guess all that so called 'free time' with OW was not so exciting after all. <P>You know yourself best and what you abilities and limits are. Use them for your benefit. <P>Aloha,<BR>L.

I also wrote to help me get through my trying time. I also went out with friends and found people to alk to. I don't have children so I can't really be of any help there. hang in there.

I try to treat myself to go go0d cup of coffee at a local coffee house while I read about broken marriages and write in my journal. I also burn candles at night in my bedroom. I am thinking of buying new sheet and curtains, and bedspread. All new vibrant colors. (H would flip because he would want to know where I got the money since i am stay at home mom with no income) I CHARGED IT I would like to say.<P>I also have spent some time at the movie theatre, alone. At first it feels weird, but then no one really cares if you are sitting alone. <P>I call my sisters all over the country and chat.<P>But one of the best things I like are HUGS. From someone who really cares about me. <P>hopelessmom

I haven't done so well on special things for me yet -- that is my next step as H just moved out again! I'm looking at everyone's responses for ideas.<P>I have tried to be very deliberate in thinking about special activities with my kids at this point. I am by nature a "by the rules" type person, but I have been working at throwing out the rules every now and then. My kids are 6, 4, and 2 year old boys. We have:<P> 1. Had our own sleepovers on the living room floor<BR> 2. Made paper mache pinatas to bash (great therapy)<BR> 3. Made realy cool art projects to mail to relatives<BR> 4. Started reading books in Mommy's bed at night where we can all cuddle really well<BR> 5. Go to museums<BR> 6. Make scrapbooks<BR> 7. Look at our family picture albums<BR> 8. Bake cookies<BR> 9. Have picnics on a blanket in different rooms of the house<BR> 10. Paint the snow with colored water<P>H usually has a present for them when they go to his place so I have been trying hard not to "play that game." I am trying to spend lots of time with them rather than spend money on them. I have also been concerned that this period in their life will become the forgotten years so I have been trying to help them create some positive memories even though I have been so miserable so much of the last year and a half.<P>Great topic, thanks for starting it Trs!

<BR> I pray and read the bible ALOT!<BR> I talk to loved ones that I know support me. <P> My two teenage sons help me so much. I don't know how I could have the energy if they were toddlers while going through this seperation. I give credit to all those out there doing that!<BR> <BR>

I like this topic too. In looking at myself I saw I had been way too rigid in some ways. One thing was I had always said NO to having a pet. My wife, and daughters had always wanted a pet, but I said no - like I had veto power. Well I've decided to change my ways so,shortly after dday I said we could get a pet, and we picked out the coolest kitten. It's what's called a Maine [censored], and everyone loves him. <BR>David

Trs great topic. Thanks! <P>I've not posted my story yet... just gaining strength through you wonderful people. Just wanted to say, Exhausted, that you've done so much for me w/ideas for my two wonderful kids... They are hurting so much because my "heart is broken & I'll fix it, Mama..." my son will say... I did tell him that my heart is broken, don't know if I should have or not... but he knew it was, so I tried to explain that it was broken & that it will take some time to heal... but am really, really, really hurting... Thanks for the ideas for the kids. Please pray for the restoration of my heart & my fam...<P>Blu

Blu,<P>I am sorry you are hurting, but glad you have found this forum. It has been a life saver for me! I'll be looking for you story when you feel ready to post it. <P>It sounds like your kids are young. In some ways it is a blessing that they don't understand much at young ages, but it makes it awfully tough to answer their questions. Hang in there! We'll be here for you and I'll start praying for you tonight.

For my familly:<P>1. Being honest about the pain I am in (not the specifics, of course) and letting them hug me (I hope this helps them, too)<BR>2. Trying to spend extra snuggle time with each of them<BR>3. Letting my little once call me "daddy" when he is mad a me! It seems to be his way of coping with the absence.<BR>4. Being more organized and have a routine in the morning to help them have a more positive time at home with me instead of the usuall rush and yelling to hurry up for school<BR>5. Planning little field trips to get them out of the house.<BR>6. Letting them call daddy when ever they ask.<P>For me:<P>1. Letting loose a little and having a few too many with good girl friends!!<BR>2. Bought some new stuff for my house and fix all the things that he kept neglecting<BR>3. Lots of talks with friends (Thanks to them all)