Hello fellow marriage-builders,<P>The reason I came to this forum was because of the name: Marriage BUILDERS. <P>When I first posted, last month, I was just coming out of a very deep depression and my H was smack in the middle of his own. This time, I caused the pain. Before, my H caused the pain. We've been married for 19 years and they haven't been easy years. We have a son with disabilities (as well as 2 daughters), a bankruptcy under our belt, have had to drive cars that dumped more oil than Exxon, have eaten cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner because we had no other food, and yes, we've gone through infidelity on both sides. We aren't giving up though. There have been days over the years where I sat on the floor crying for my losses, days when I wanted to give up, days when I hated my H and myself. But I never gave up. There were also days where I nearly burst with love for the husband of my dreams, when I looked across the room at him holding one of our children, or when his strong hands which worked so hard for his family during the day gently caressed my face. Life has been a succession of "rebuildings" for my H and me, and I bet it is like that for most of you too. I WANT TO REBUILD MY MARRIAGE, MY H WANTS TO REBUILD OUR MARRIAGE. This message board is for people who want to REBUILD THEIR MARRIAGES. <P>I just wish we could all share this common goal. It honestly doesn't seem like we do, and sometimes it comes across very hurtful, and we've ALL gone through enough pain already. This is a place of hope and love, a site where all are welcome. Why do things get so ugly sometimes? This whole idea of respect for all means a lot to me. We ALL deserve respect, because we are all just sinners saved by grace. ALL OF US. I'm not a fanatic or "freak" about the Lord, but I am a believer and I beleive that God forgives when it seems that all else is lost. <P>I personally thank God for this place. I thank God for many of you too - betrayed and betrayer alike. <P>Have a wonderful evening rebuilding... <BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited September 08, 1999).]

nb<BR>Thank you!<BR>I too believe that it is marriage builders and that is who we are.<BR>When I talk to you I am talking to new beginning. You are not wearing a label. You are a person.<BR>When I first came here everyone helped everyone. I've noticed in the last month or two that separation, labeling and segregation has been encouraged in some ways. That makes me sad.<BR>There are a lot of PEOPLE in pain here.<BR>I am so sad when those too tired to barely lift their heads are attacked. Yes there are emotions. But there are some people here who need only empathy, understanding and a shoulder to cry on. They don't need any more pain.<BR>Not everything is black and white. There are no absoluted rights or wrongs.<BR>As I said before, I admire you nb. you are honest, kind, and remorseful. That's the only labels I have for you!!!!<BR>Take care!!!

NB,<P>Ditto that! <P>I was the betrayed and betrayer, but those labels... People will most likely get angry when they see a post that hits too close to home, and sometimes react when they shouldn't (guilty here). I've learned much through others posts that have been similar to my own problems, and do notice that I'm hesitant to post many times because I don't want to get slammed, even though I care a great deal about what pain others are going through. But the underlying reason we're here is to try to focus on the betterment of our own marriages, taking whatever tidbits we can to help our own relationships. <P>I came here for the same reason...MARRIAGEBUILDING, wanting to improve my own marriage, and agree with you wholeheartedly on everything you said...

Me too!!!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Me three! I rarely post, but been lurking for a while. I have seen the board shifting to a more negative slant lately. There was a time when negativity and hatred was spoken out against, and now it seems the status quo. That's sad because I suspect we are all very nice people who are in a lot of pain, betrayed and betrayers. <P>I hope we can remember that this is the place for rebuilding, not tearing down.

I couldn't agree more. I put a similar post about 3 weeks ago about the tension on the board. It's so disheartening when you are down and truly needing advice or someone to relate to, and you get slammed.<P>I think that all of this is more proof that new woman's post about having another branch off the infidelity board is such a good and necessary thing.<P>I believe that we should have 2 branches off the Infidelity board: <P>-1 for posts about those who are currently dealing with infidelity and a spouse who is not 100 % committed to rebuilding the marraige <P>-1 for posts about those where BOTH spouses are 100% committed to rebuilding after infidelity, who are committed to using the harley principals, but who need advice and strength and support.<P>Even though I would look for support and advice from the second board, I would still frequent the first one to maybe give opinions and to remind myself of the fresh pain that infidelity causes. I don't think it would divide posters up, but just give different focuses for each board.<P>I really think this is a good idea.

moving this to the top... I think this is SO important!

New Beginning,<P>I was very afraid to post here in the beginning for fear of being attacked. <P>I feel I can communicate on MB and share my emotions and thoughts openly without being beaten up.<P>Although some comments have been alittle harsh at times, I have tryed to understand everyone's point of view and learn from their experiences.