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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 31
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A question for all those out there that have lived this. It always amazes me how alike so many situations are.<BR> <BR> I just discovered that my H and OW packed everything at her house (he was living with her) and he bought a house. They moved into this house but he can't make the payments alone so she is living with him and have rented out her house.<BR> I have been in plan B since January when he officially moved in with her. Slightly modified as I would talk to him about certain things concerning our two teenage boys. But didn't talk about anything of deep feeling. I felt he was getting his emotional support from me. And needed him to see that she couldn't supply all his needs. We enjoy talking together so I miss this terribly, but remained strong and confident. <BR> He has started taking 150mg twice daily of wellbutrin. A mega dose. He cries and is an emotional wreck. He doesn't want to be unhappy any more. But doesn't remember what it is like to be "normal". Doesn't know why he started an affair to begin with. Counselor has told him to definately not to get a divorce. He is not thinking clearly. <BR> For the first time he has said he misses me and has asked how I feel (although I have told him I will always love him the last 7 months).<BR> I told him that it all depends on him. That he has to leave this OW before we can truly try to mend our marriage. <BR> My concern is his meds will take affect and he'll be halfway happy and he'll revert back again. He says buying the house was a mistake but says "I made my bed".<BR> This is the first sign that the grass isn't greener on the other side. <BR> <BR> Will he be able to come home eventually and get back to a happy life?<BR> <BR> Is this a sign that he is coming out of the fog?<P> Or do I batten down the hatches for a longer wait?<BR> Anyone that has lived anything similiar? I long for anyones input!<p>[This message has been edited by deputywife (edited March 04, 2001).]

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I haven't lived that as of yet, but I'll give you my input anyway. I'd batten down the hatches for a longer wait. These seem like good signs, but you can't rush it and we all know that fog clearing is a confusing time, waffling back and forth, etc. So if he is coming out of it, I'd keep your focus and expect turbulence.<P>"Will he be able to come home eventually and get back to a happy life?"....it happens every day, and we've seen it on here many times. It is so hard to picture, at least it is for me. But you have to just believe in the Harley's concepts and they've seen it happen enough.<P>I think you said it nicely....he is seeing that the grass isn't greener. But exactly what impact this has on him in the short term is kind of an unknown, so just be prepared and stick to your plan.<P>I think these are good signs.<P><BR>

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Dear deputywife, <BR>My H moved in with OW beginning of December, 2000. He tried to buy a house with money from our co-owned business. I was also in Plan B because he was most comfortable living with her and having me for a friend, but this arrangement was definately not most comfortable for me. Since he hadn't been to work in over a month, I took steps last week to remove him from Bd. of Directors and changed checking accts. so that I am now the only signer. So they live together in a rented house. She is also married, 27 yrs younger than he is, with a 3 y.o. D. After an initial reaction of rage at me for "stealing" the business from him, he is now starting to realize that he made a BIG mistake. He has spent time with me every day this week and he told me today that he wants his family back, that he loves me, and that things are not working out with OW.<P>I have read on these forums that although moving in together may look like a bad sign, it may actually be a good thing because it shines the light of reality on the little fantasy bubble of the affair. This certainly seems to be so in my H's case. Sounds like it may be true for your H as well.

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Yes, I believe, at least for the moment, that he is realizing that all will not be perfect. <BR> He was just here and told me that he thought that buying this house would make him happy. I asked him if he liked his new house. He said "I like this house" refering to our house that me and the boys live in and that he left Sept 23rd. He, at that time said this house was draining him, that he didn't feel comfortable at home. <BR> <BR> He said "I am not happy and that I was right that he would get stuck in a rut with this OW.<BR> But I am not ready to put my hope in every word as I did when this first began. He told me to keep praying for him. I told him I never quit and that many are praying for him. But none of us are praying that he becomes happy in the lifestyle he is living now. He said he knew that. <BR> <BR> So yes Letstry, I agree that moving in together and now buying this house has quite possibly been something god is using to bring this to fruition. And Rick37, evey time I see your name it reminds me of my husband, in name only, as that is his name! I do agree with you also that it could be a long haul but there are good signs.<P> I pray that there is some resolve soon but if not I know that God is watching out for us.


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