My h is in counseling thank god! he finally agreed that he needed someone to talk to. My question; we hardly did plan A..he keeps asking me if I want to go to plan B? i tell him that I do not want him to move out. I love him. the children love him. At times, i get so frustrated that i honestly don't care. at times, i want to give up. I have been trying to keep our marriage together since I found out nine months ago. However, he was still in touch with her and seeing her. I had no clue. finally three weeks ago..he was going to leave without saying good by to any of us. Just pick up his things...and leave. say no goodbye's to the children or me...OW was demanding that she wanted him to go now. He almost did. He could not go thru with it. If he did not have a strong emotional attachment to his children he would have been gone. Now, he tells me that we may have grown apart.He does not fulfill all my emtional needs as i do not fulfill all his emotional needs. I think that he does not know what he wants. Any advise? We have been married for 20 years. I am in love with him. I at times don't know him. <BR>this morning he got mad at me. told me that I'm always so negative when it comes to sex. I give him everthing he wants and I only get a quarter from him. i wanted him to touch me in my private parts. he tuned his head and touched me...i got so angry that he could not look at me. Image i look at him..he can't look and enjoy sex with me. maybe we should not have sex as much...any suggestions?<BR>When do you go to Plan B? We hardly did Plan A...<BR>i know you can't make anyone stay...i want him to know I love him and want very much to make this work for everyone.<BR>Something interesting..this morning after our spat..he told me that he needs to get a new ring..one that fits...back in December, we went shopping for new wedding rings- he wanted to start over...then he cancelled the order late Deecember. Blamed it on the jewlery store was over charging us for the rings. i was upset and told him so. Now, he is thinking about getting new ones? hello??? any ideas on what's going on in his head? on off on off...

You've got to do a firm Plan A...<P>No LBs and trying to meet the ENs...<P>Are you counseling with the Harleys?<P>If the OW is still in the picture?...<BR>...if so you aren't in recovery yet!<BR>...he's going to have to let go.<P>About sex...<BR>...take it slow...<BR>...let him know <B>with honest words</B>... no pressure is on him...<BR>...start with light touches only...<BR>...perfume... nice clothes/lingere...<BR>...not every day...<BR>...back-rubs are a good way to warm things up...<BR>...just a few kissing sessions every once in a while.<P>Again... Plan A isn't something you do together....<BR>...it's a unilateral approach... until you're in recovery...<BR>...and <B>then</B> it becomes a joint effort.<P> <P>Jim

Jim: his kisses are only pecks..or a very quick french kiss. he sais she is out. the counsler told him he can lie only to himself...therapy won't work IF she is still there. he says that he won't take her calls. HOWEVER>>>if we go out on saturday..he keeps his cell phone off. says he does not want her to call when I'm in the car. he does not want to be put in a position that is uncomfortable for him or me. How would I feel if the phone rings and it is her? can't tell if he is telling the truth...any suggestions?

If the OW is out of the picture...<BR>...ask him to keep the phone on...<BR>...in honesty...<BR>...and then learn(H to learn that is) to respond... in honesty...<BR>when OW calls... in front of you!<P>The best way to curb the problem is to meet it head on.<P> <P>Jim

NSR: if the ow is still there..do you think that is why he won't keep his phone on? He says that he does not want to confront her..that this is the best way so he does not have to speak to her...I tend to agree with you..that IF she is gone..then keep the phone on...any other suggestions?

Someday he's just got to buck it up...<BR>...and confront it.<P>Give him some time...<BR>...but not an indefinite amount. <P>When closer to full recovery...<BR>...other monitoring techniques may be necessary...<BR>...but your not there yet.<P> <P>Jim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>Someday he's just got to buck it up...<BR>...and confront it.<P>Give him some time...<BR>...but not an indefinite amount. <P>When closer to full recovery...<BR>...other monitoring techniques may be necessary...<BR>...but your not there yet.<P> <P>Jim</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>well my h told me today that she is interviewing in Fla for a job..I hope and pray she get it..better yet the plane crashed and she is the only one killed.<BR>Would a therapits tell him to keep his phone off so he won't have to confront her with me in the car?<BR>