From all your readings, you have been there and done that and I appreciate all your comments to all.<P>I have given my husband "freedom" to do what he wants to do (before I found MB site) (Dobson's Love must be Tough), "granted" him a divorce ( in the process with mediation) only have asked him to parent his children more (t/th E/O wk). Since I granted his freedom, he has gone from W/D to Conflict and back and forth. He also states that he gave up the OW d/t our kids. He didn't want the kids to think that OW#1 broke up the family. My oldest 5, already knows that Daddy loves OW#1 more than Mommy (this hasn't been said in over a month by D) I told H that OW#1 was not going to "let him just walk out of his life" that easily. There will always be a reason that she will call him to help "rescue her from whatever her problem is" I also told him that she wants to marry him (she is divorced 2x- 2 kids, 1 from each)<BR>He told me that I was right. She does want to marry him and the other day, he said I was right again about her not letting him go easily. (I really am not that stupid)<P>Anyway, he still goes whereever form 9pm or so until 3-4am or not at all coming home and he states that he is not going to OW#1 or OW#2 house. I don't believe that. I told him his lies were getting kind of funny. He still continues to tell me a lie when he leaves the house and I just say "have fun ' or have a nice night.<P>As I said, we are in mediation. We have had 2 appts. and I set up both appts. I initiated divorce. I have to call attorney, but I think I am going to call off divorce (depending on what attorney says) and if he wants to file against me then that is what he will have to do. It is my weekend away this weekend and I want to call off divorce, write him a Plan A letter, and be away for the weekend. I don't think I could do it face to face, d/t fear, anxiety and my potential for LB with anger and sarcasm (bad ones for me) It is also difficult to talk when the kids are in the house whether they are asleep or not. <P>If he decides to file against me, then I want to immediately tell the kids that DAddy doesn't want to be married to mommy its not their fault and all that, throw his stuff out and change the locks. And Plan B.<P>He is currently in therapy for himself and he likes the psychologist and he said he would probably be in therapy for years. He is the ACOA. (2 recovering parents)<P>Another ?, His family is the one in town, 3sis and 1 bro and 1 neice. I consider them my family, the sis think what he is doing is wrong but I feel, are not helping him the way I think they should help. Love me and "side" with me. How do I handle the holidays, I want to be part of the family still but I don't want to force the issue. (we're divorcing but here I am for Easter dinner) I have no family in town or close by. I love his family but what should do.<P>Any thoughts, feelings, suggestions on this course of action would be greatly appreciated.<P>Hopelessmom<BR>

What i did for the holidays is just had it with my children. it was hard enough w/o h that i didn't want to be around his family, a reminder, and my family with everyone so happy. it may not be the best for everyone, but it was for me at the time. my h hs missed every holiday since march of last year, didn't spend anytime with them. actually he did have his christmas with them last monday. a little late. i don't know what advice to give you, it seems i totally messed up my life. i quit and i am done with it. i didn't lb i just told bil to tell h to do not call me, come to my house or anything and gave him the necklace h had given me for christmas. i don't want to quit but i'm at my last rope w/o no hope. hope it turns out better for you.<BR>Darleen

Have you guys tried reading the book Private Lies-it has been really helpful for me. Its hard for me to see you guys wanting to throw in the towel. I wish I didn't have to go see my lawyer today but H filed against-common in a romantic affair. It souns like both of your H's are still around-you have the chance to Plan A-I never had a chance to do this except thru notes because my H up and left and thats it-no contact or anything else unless it benefits H in someway (i.e. being able to move his stuff out and stuff dealing with a D)I do not know the whole history on anything but if you truly love your H's and still want the marriage Plan A is for you....

i tried to plan a as best i i could concidering when h told me he couldn't deal with what he did to me he left, well for that matter that is what he told me. he moved staight in with ow, and tried to come back on 2 different accasions for just a couple of days, lo0ng stories for each, it wasn't until recently, if you read the post of ow through h in jail and the one about if i should date h. also i post that i just did to lori, if you can read it you will see that i am stuck with only one option. i have read all the books and plenty more. your advice?

hopelessmom,<BR>I wish I felt like I could be more help. I dont have kids and so am not the expert in that field. I do know that after discovery day while my H was continueing to lie and carry on the affair it seems pretty hopeless. He could not see me. He could not awknolege anything nice i did for him, he avoided me and my touch like the plauge. It was very hurtfull to me, and I dont think it really made any progress with him. I really think he needed to leave and be on his own to start to come out of it. I would have been a basket case if he lived in the house this past 6 months and continued the affair. I would have been done long before his affair was ended.<P>Can you do a seperation instead of a divorce? Can you discuss him moving out? <P>I am close to my in laws too and went there for Thanksgiving... H no showed so what I did was write him a note and say I was sorry he didnt make it and that I was planning on being there for Xmas too and I hoped he would let me know if that was a problem because I know his family wanted to have him there too. And he showed up. It was uncomfortable as hell, but it maybe opend the lines of communication for us.<P>Sorry I cant be more help.<BR>Lora