Dear Hopeless,<P>It is almost impossible to know what to say when your the WS is lying to you and you know they are doing it.<P>More than thinking of them with the OP I found living with the lies far more difficult to handle, for me they represented the lack of trust and honesty in our relationship, the very substance my marriage was founded on. My H lied to me, his children, his work colleagues and his family.<P>I think they genuinely believe that they are sometimes sparing you any more pain by not telling the truth. Of course we know the opposite is true. The lies are frequently so obvious, so poorly concocted that they make you almost laugh. <P>Confronting your spouse with the lies is never an easy thing to do. I have had small success and absolute failure. Done at the right time, (and deciding when that is is never easy), can actually get you a meaningful response. My H admitted to me that he had made up some of the things he said about me to the OW to justify his affair - that was my small success.<P>My absolute failure came when he was packing for a 'business trip', in reality a few days with the OW, and when confronted left the children and I a second time. (He is still with her).<P>I think what I should have done was say something like 'I think you are not telling me the truth and I am very unhappy about it'. That at least gives him a get out of telling the truth or continuing with the lie.<P>And yes it is all part of the 'fog', if the relationship was not a fantasy why lie about any of it. <P>Hope<P>
