i just have one question that i am trying to understand. bil told me that h loves me very much and bil said to go back home and make all the wrong right cause i was still there and loved him. h said that there is no way that he could make up for all the harm and pain that he has caused and that everytime he would look at me and the kids he would see all that pain and that he couldn't face that or make it right? is that a crock or what? my logic is that he should try and that his love would make it up or have any of you felt or are still feeling that way and what or if there is anything that can be done? thanks

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hrtbroken:<BR><B>h said that there is no way that he could make up for all the harm and pain that he has caused and that everytime he would look at me and the kids he would see all that pain and that he couldn't face that or make it right? is that a crock or what? my logic is that he should try and that his love would make it up or have any of you felt or are still feeling that way and what or if there is anything that can be done? thanks</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Guilt.<BR>What's at issue are your husband's feelings of guilt.<P>He's saying that either he's not ready to face those feelings, or he doesn't want to face those feelings.<P>You don't control his feelings. Only your own. You can let him know that you are there for him.<P>The feelings of guilt will wash back over him occasionally after this finally subsides. Gradually the flashbacks should lessen in frequency and intensity. <P>You have to cultivate good memories to take the place of the bad ones.....push them out.<P>~Amy

so he is the only one that can do it. there's nothing that i can say or do to make him see that he does deserve me and the kids. i guess he is truly lost and this ow will eventually win so to speak. it's been a long yr and with the ow out of the picture and with our talk we had last week i thought we would sort of straighten things out with time. he actually told me that we could date and see eachother and go slow, then i find out about this one. he's only been seeing her for a about a wk and a half, same type of needy, trashy person who he picked up from a dive bar. i guess it maybe time to through in the towel. thanks for any replies, just wanted to know how he was feeling.