This is my first time here...I'm so depressed. I have no other place or friend to talk to ...<BR>We've been married for 5 yrs. She was my first girlfriend and I was the same to her. We love each other very much. I never thought she would cheated on me. It all happened early last year, when I wanted to take her out for B-day but instead she went out with her ex-co-worker and told me to wait next day. I was mad and pissed. I didn't recognize her B-Day the year before last. So this year, I wanted to make it up but she refused. This was the start of her affair. She came home late and let me eat dinner by myself. Meanwhile, she stills called the OM and AIM with him thru her work. When I asked her what's going on, she said she was only friend to him. She bought him a gift for his B-Day and gave him a farewell card when he left her company. I was mad and couldn't get thru her, so I started to move out but I was just testing her to see if she really cares for me or not. Unfortunatly, she didn't! She didn't even ask me to come back home.<P>A few weeks later, I asked her out and asked her to come home to spend a romatic day together. She said 'No'. She's busy. So then we parted, and I followed her home. Instead of coming home, she went to see the OM. I went home and waited for her but she didn't show up til 1 in the morning. Guess what happened?! She went to sleep with the OM. I was so angry, devasted, mad, hurt! You name it. I was totally out of control but I didn't abuse her. I told her I forgive her and let start the family again as long as she doesn't see the OM anymore. She promised and said she'll change and will not do it again. <P>A mos later, I found out she stills see him 2 times for dinner. She said she didn't sleep with him but just had dinner with him. I was angry and pissed again. This time, I totally move all my stuff out and never ever want to see her again. I told myself that our relationship is over and I will never forgive her. I hate her.<P>To add on top of this, a mos later, she was pregnant. Could it be my child or OM child who knows? She said it was my child. I told her to get an abortion. I'm not responsible for it. I didn't accept that the baby was my baby. Nine mos later, the baby delivered and the DNA proved that I was the father. I didn't want to accept it. I hate her for keeping the baby and for making my life miserable. <P>She knows her mistake and was on her knees begging me to forgive her. I just can't. The hatred and evil that inside of me can't forgive her. I don't have unconditional love for her. She hurts me so much. I trusted her and she was my only friend. The only person I depend my life upon. How could she do this to me? I couldn't sleep, studied, or eat. It was like my life is over when I found out the affair. She said she loves me and wanted me back in her life but I don't believe her...I think she wants me back because of the baby. The baby doesn't have the father so that's why she wanted someone to be the father. As far as I'm concer, who knows she's probably still seeing the OM eventhough she said she didn't!. I've filed for divorce already and wants nothing to her or the baby at all. I'm done with her...I hate her. I want to stay away from her as far as I can. Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Please give me some advice. I'm just so mad and angry at her. I want her to learn her lesson.<P>

Hi Nk,<BR>welcome to the club.<BR>First of all, try and calm down.<BR>The child is yours, the DNA proves it.<BR>I know this sounds ridiculous, but give her all the support and help you can at the moment, you've spent 5 years together so that must have meant something to you both,<BR>and now there's a baby.<BR>I understand your anger and hatred. You're going to be feeling these things for quite some time. But if you can rise above it courageously and show your wife that you are the person she really needs (not some OM) by supporting her at the worst time in her life, then she will come arounsd and realize yuu're the one she wants.<BR>You can't change the past, what she did, but you'll need to be talking to each other perhaps more than you did in the past to find out what's wrong between you.<BR>I've been there, I'm still suffering, but it gets better.<BR>My W had an affair for a long time. Why? she still doesn't know why. so I'm giving her (and our marriage) a second chance.<BR>Calm down and don't abuse/touch her or be violent.<BR>That will only make things worse.<BR>Perpare yourself, if you still really love oyur wife, for the hardest experience in your life.<BR>And think about that baby who needs you both. You are the father.

Thanks Steve for responding to my message. I deeply appreciated. I will try to do what you've suggested. Again, thanks.<P>nk

Hi NK:<P>I read your post earlier this week, but since I was at work I decided to wait and respond later in the day. Shortly thereafter I read KKeo's post on the same day. <P>Are you two married? The story is so similar..even to some of the wording. This happens..but not usually where the parties are suppose to be separated. Are you for real?<P>If you are then you're lucky since I can see that there is a lot of love still left between you inspite of all the hurt that's been done. Your pride is standing in the way of what could be a recovery. Your wife obviously wants to try again...and your daughter deserves for you to do your best to preserve her family if it is at all possible.<P>If you really want help, then stay here and read awhile...read all you can find...read both sides of the situation (both WS and BS)...find out how it feels on the other side. Explore what went wrong in your marriage...give MB principles a try...all you have to lose is your family. <P>Faye<BR>

NK,<P>It does get better.<P>It's hard to believe the wayward spouse when you are so used to lies, but you can eventually. But you have to make a step first.<P>As for the baby...the DNA says it's yours! That's wonderful news! You have a little baby, man! Don't let the little one grow up without a father just because you are mad (with good reason) at your wife.<P>Hang in there. Whether you decide to stay married or divorce, you will still need to get okay with yourself.<P>All the best.<BR>HBC