I'm new here and this is my first time posting...Let me tell you a little bit about my story. I was married for 5 years. My affair only lasted for a month and after D-Day I quit and have no contact with the OM anymore. However, H stills think I see the OM. I just don't know how to explain to him and have him listen to me. He doesn't believe a word I said. After D-Day, I knew myself that I made a mistake and asked H for forgiveness...I was pregnant and on my knees begging him to forgive me but instead he pushes me away. He said the baby wasn't his. He yelled, screamed and verbally abuses me. I was so stressed that I had to go to surgery for labor. After labor, I asked him to come to hospital but he refused and still denys that it wasn't his baby. A few mos later, I had a DNA test done, low and behold... he was the biological father of my daughter. She is now almost 4 mos but he hasn't seen her at all and probably never will.<P>I learnt my listen and know my mistake very well. I'm willing to do anything I mean anything for him to forgive me and have the family back. Unfortunately, he thinks I used the baby to want him back and that I don't love him. This is not true. I love him very much and I was happy to carry his baby eventhough he was never there with me througout my pregnancy. All he wanted now is divorce. His attorney called me last week to confirm my address. I was in tear and couldn't concentrate on my work. I just wished we can talk it out and start it slowly and see why, how, we can improve the marriage. None the less, he never wanted to rebuild the marriage. He said it was over since D-Day!. :-(<P>

Hi KKeo:<P>I just responded to NK's post ("My Wife had an Affair") which was on the same day as yours. Your stories sounded so similar I wondered if they are for real.<P>If you are sincere, then I think you have come to the right place for help. First understand that males have a very difficult time with PAs...much more so then women do. Pride often causes them to do and say things that they really don't genuinely feel...although they think they do.<BR>Don't let me underestimate the hurt you have caused...it has been very hard for him to deal with...but alot that is happening is because he is so hurt and he is lashing out in his anger. He will get over this is time...especially if you remain steadfast in your commitment to him and to your family. If you could afford some counseling together it would be a great help...but if he won't go then go yourself.<BR> <BR>Keep confirming your love for him and your willingness to do whatever it takes to put your marriage back together. <P>I hope you and NK are married and are both coming here for help because this is the best thing that could have happened to you at this time...a real chance to put your marriage back together using MB principles with the assistance and encouragement of all the good people here.<P>Welcome and I wish you a speedy recovery.<P>Faye

KK-I am so sorry for what is happening to you now. I appreciate that yo know what you did was wrong. Have you thought about why you had the A in the first place? After only 5 years of marriage? I think this is an important thing to find out with a counselor. If you can get you H to go with you, that would help. What I told my WS, is that I wanted him to help me find what went wrong so that we did not repeat the behavior that opened the door to other desires. We are both at fault for the breakdown of our communication which burned out the marriage, but I still feel that we can start anew because their was a powerful love there once, and I feel that it cannot completely diappear. We have been married nearly 17 years.<P>Unfortunately, my H is not interested in coming out of his fantasy life yet. His A has been going on for 2 years now, dday was 7 months ago. Thus we have not yet explored what went wrong between us.<P>Mistakes unresolved, move with you to the next relationship, ant the next if again not resolved. It is VERY important to understand what went wrong before the final D and there is no more contact. <P>If nothing can be done, then go to a counselor yourself, so you can start to change and heal so you can offer yourself whole to love in the future. That is what I am doing, regardless of the outcome. I deserve that, I am worth it. You and your H are too.<P>Read the books recommended in the site. His Needs, Her Needs is very good. And so is Survivig an Affair. Good for H too.