With my hectic new work schedule, I rarely get to post anymore. That and fighting that wonderful green monster known as morning sickness has kept me a busy lady.<P>Anyway, a week ago I was looking for a book that I wanted to show a friend at work. I literally tore my house apart trying to find this book. Anyway, in our guest bathroom, we have a cabinet that is 7 feet high next to our sink. I don't know if it was intuition or what, but something told me to look on top of that cabinet. I climbed up onto the sink and looked, and found a bunch of papers that were turned over.<P>I pulled the papers down and turned them over, and there I found pictures of naked women printed off from the internet. The porn doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but it was still unnerving. The dates of the pictures ranged from Sept 2000 to Jan 2001. I then noticed a couple pieces of notebook paper, and on one, there were a bunch of passwords. I looked at the other sheet.....and there were women's names, lewd descriptions, and e-mail addresses written down.<P>I tried to calm myself down, and I tried telling myself that there would be a reasonable explanation. I took the papers, and decided that I would take a drive to calm down before confronting my H. I kept telling myself to stay calm, to just tell H that I wanted to go for a ride, and we'd talk later. No such luck.<P>As I was walking out the door, H asked me where I was going and what was wrong. The 'mones and temper took over - I threw the papers at him, screamed how he had never changed, and that I was going "out". I peeled out of the driveway before he could say a word in edgewise.<P>I cooled my heels for about an hour, then I called home (from a local bar - one of the most notorious dives in the county. No, I didn't drink - I just wanted it to come up on our caller ID). He said that the e-mails were from when he and I were separated - that he "was" going to contact these women when we were apart, but he didn't. "Gee, you sure got over me quickly - in a week long separation you get 11 women's e-mail addresses, go out with four other women, and screw the Darigold Farm Mascot." - I quipped sarcastically. From there, it was the same fight that we've been having for two years now. He swears that he never ended up e-mailing any of them since we got back together, and that he had forgotten they were up there.<P>We made up eventually - I looked over the e-mails, and they were all from AOL personal ads (we don't have AOL - the only person we know of who does is the guy my H stayed with for part of the time we were separated - which would confirm that his story is true). He says he hasn't lied to me for a few months now (Ooooooh I guess it's a start, if nothing else). For the past couple of months, he's shown more emotion than I have ever seen him show. He is a lot more affectionate and he says that he loves me all the time. Finding all of that junk though hurt me so badly. <P>If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm hoping that posting what happened will give me a clearer perspective and hopefully give me closure on this trigger.<p>[This message has been edited by Carolina Belle (edited March 06, 2001).]

CB,<P><BR> Between the lines you implied that since you don’t have AOL that the personal adds must have been from when your husband was staying with his friend. I hope this doesn’t throw too much of a wrench in the machine but anyone with internet access can get to AOLs personal pages. Does not appear to be limited to only AOL customers.<BR>

Hi CB,<P>I can't claim to have direct knowledge of morning sickness, but I know it's not fun. My wife couldn't even stand the smell of coffee, which she normally enjoys. Not being able to enjoy either coffee or adult beverages is cruel and unusual punishment IMO .<P>I do have a couple of thoughts for you. As a guy, I do enjoy the beauty of a nude female. However, the main periods when I have had such interest have occurred when my sex life was nothing to brag about. So if these pictures come from a time when your H was separated from you, it may be a good sign!<P>Another thought I had in reading your post is that quite a few husbands affairs do seem to start when the wife is pregnant. I say that not to make you paranoid, but to remind you to not neglect his needs while pregnant. This would include sex, as long as there is no medical reason not to engage in it.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>"Gee, you sure got over me quickly - in a week long separation you get 11 women's e-mail addresses, go out with four other women, and screw the Darigold Farm Mascot." - I quipped sarcastically...He swears that he never ended up e-mailing any of them since we got back together, and that he had forgotten they were up there.<P>We made up eventually - I looked over the e-mails, and they were all from AOL personal ads ...<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><BR>I don't know the details of the separation, but he was probably "getting over you" for some time prior to the separation and thought he was ready to move on by the time he separated. Several months ago I was ready to give up on my marriage. My wife was a WS and we've had lots of problems. Anyway, I'm not proud of this, but I started checking out some internet personals. There are A LOT. I don't have AOL but they have a zillion users, and I don't doubt that he could come up with a lot of prospects in a short time.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR> He says he hasn't lied to me for a few months now (Ooooooh I guess it's a start, if nothing else). For the past couple of months, he's shown more emotion than I have ever seen him show. He is a lot more affectionate and he says that he loves me all the time. Finding all of that junk though hurt me so badly. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>CB, I'm sorry you were hurt again . As I said on another thread, I'd swear that WSs all take lying lessons from Bill Clinton and acting lessons from Tom Hanks or Julia Roberts. I think we BSs have to rely more on their response to us and less on detective work to know where we stand. The things you note seem very positive. I'm inclined to think he's being honest or at least that the things you found are from the past, not the present.<P>One common denominator in almost all problem relationships seems to be a failure to follow the rule of time. How is his school schedule these days? Are you able to get in something close to the 15 hours/week meeting one anothers ENs? I think that's the most critical factor in affair-proofing a relationship.<P>Anyway, I hope you're feeling better now.<P>Steve<P><BR>

CB,<P>Sorry - I don't have much of anything to offer but hugs... Keep him talking, that's the only thing I can come up with. The truth without prompting is the best kind of truth to have - truth under duress is questionable at best.<P>Hope you are feeling better. <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hey CB,<P>I can understand why you were so upset. I would venture to say that my blood would have been boiling and I would have had a very similar reaction. <P>It's good that you were able to verify the timeline. I am sure that helped a lot. I know telling the truth for the last couple of months doesn't seem very exciting considering its what he should have been doing all along but you are right, its better than no truth.<P>It sounds like the two of you resolved the issue. That is a really good thing seeing as how so many things get blown out of proportion during recovery. You did good. It probably doesn't need any further discussion. Sometimes we can overtalk things and our H's think that we'll never be able to let it go or trust them. Be careful not to fall into that trap.<P><BR>take care of yourself and that baby!<BR>cleo