Hi, all,<P>ws making some contact. ow still in equation. OUr children are so devastated and do not want to see him because of ow. Is it ok for me to tell h. that our children want to see him alone? <P>affair one year old. no divorce yet, thank goodness.<P>my story in roll call; e-mail address avail. <P>advice? thanks, elo

Yes it is ok, especially since the kids do not want to be around her. explain it to him that way. i was head strong about it, then h gave me a quilt trip and then i let him take the kids around ow and it blew up in his face, they had a fight in front of them then my kids finally spoke up and said that they didn't want to be around her. so no it is not wrong.

I would not let my kids be around her but he continued to do it anyway. Finally, I threatened him (because we are divorcing at this time) and told him that it was not fair to them to have them involved in this relationship , especially if attachments were made and then broken, and it was not in the best interest of the kids for WS to be doing this.<P>At one point (right or wrong), I said you can do whatever you want to do with OP but don't take our kids down that path with you. It's not fair to them.<P>HOpelessmom

If my H and I split up over an affair it would be a COLD DAY IN HELL before I would willingly allow my kids to be around some OW. I would do whatever I could, court, moving away. I'd fight it tooth and nail. I would never keep my kids away from their father but I have no obligation whatsoever to make nice with (or expose my children to) some bimbo H decided to shag on the side. If he would choose to conduct his future life as a sleazy adulterer that would be his business but I plan on raising my kids with values and not exposing them to that kind of lifestyle and immorality. Climbing down off my soapbox now...

elo,<P>I actually got a judge to issue a temporary order to keep the OW away from my kids. I just asked that he do it because it was too difficult for them at the time and I thought it was morally wrong since we were still married. I could have told the judge a lot of things about her if I needed to but I didn't. There was a catch to it...I couldn't have men around my kids which wasn't a problem since I wasn't the one having the affair!<P>She can be around the kids now but after 14 months, they still haven't met her. I have fought and will continue to fight against it! <P>Mitzi

Both WS & I agree that his choice in life is psyco and he needs to keep our child away from her. She is a very jealous person and does not like when he gives any attention to our son. Son is 6, OW is 44. OW does not have any children and is a selfish person. At this time WS has agreed to abide by my request. However, knowing how fickle he is (waffle effect in motion here), I have harrassment paperwork ready (in this state only the one that had sexual contact can file restraining orders). <P>Once filed, the harrassment paperwork will go before a judge. Guess we will meet face to face then unless she doesn't show up. I haven't done it yet, but I am prepared. <P>L.

elo,<P>I am with fairydust on this one. When I found out my H was "talking" to OW, actually I call her OG, Other Girl, since her age is only 21 and her IQ is well 2. Anyway, I told H I would never ever allow my kids around OW. I talked to my lawyer and had H agree that if we separated or divorced that absolutly NO ONE would be allowed around our kids without my first meeting the OW, having 5 counseling sessions with all three of us, and then giving my written permission! I, of course agreed to the same. If this agreement was broken he would only get supervised visitation. I also told him if his lifestyle continued down the slimy path I would move. I realize how important it is to have a father in my kid's life, but I think it is just as important that these men are being just that- a father- in words and deeds. I believe that my H agreed to this because he knew what a loser this OG was. She too was a major tramp and had been with almost every guy at his work, married or not. In fact after the A with my H she started one with another MM- pure sleaze. What is even sadder is the fact that she has a little boy, and yet still goes out gets drunk with the guys and brings many of them home and has sex right in front of her kid. I know how horrible and degrading it is to realize that our H's have such low standards. 1yr after DD is approaching for me and I still have problems with gaining back respect for my H. I just can not imagine how he could go to her house and have sex with her while the kid was there. What is even more horrifying for me was that he cheated while I was pregnant with our son and gave me a potentialy threatening STD. It just kills me to know that he risked his own son's life! <BR>In your other thread you asked if drinking was involved. For my H yes yes yes! He has always been a beer drinker, but when the affair started he started going out at least once or twice a week, sometimes every day and was doing hard stuff. I started going to Alanon and this helped tremendously! I highly recommend it. Their website is <A HREF="http://www.al-anon.org/." TARGET=_blank>http://www.al-anon.org/.</A> My H is now in AA and working hard to be a real husband and father. Sorry this got so long- guess I went a-venting. Stay strong and do what is necessary to protect yourself and your children!<P><BR>joyful

elo:<P>If your children are upset, I would definitely convey that message to your husband, and try to respectfully (lovingly) negotiate the OW out of these visits.<P>It's very difficult to legally challenge this---although restraining orders are sometimes successful, as well as negotiated visitation policies; they will likely damage your chances of reconciliation.<P>Start softly, and let him know that the kids have a problem with this before you attempt to turn up the volume on this issue.