Just found out from mil and best friend that when h left ow he was making sure that she didn't hide anything of his. he was looking for 2 things, the necklace that i had given him for christmas, the #1 daddy, and a bunch of letters that i had given him. didn't know that he kept all those letters that i had written him this past year through all of this. he had them hidden in his car. then he put them in an album of pics of our family and said to friend that these are the only memories of my happy times before i screwed up and the only thing that matters. i just don't understand all the quilt that he has, he could make it up to me by showing us that he loved us and cares. that would make up for all the wrong that has happen. i've tried to wrack my brain for something that i can do or say, but i guess he has to figure it out, but i know him. if he feels he messed up so bad, he will just not deal with it. i think it might be too late for us and our family, if he doesn't face it, which i'm not sure if he will. i did my last reaching out to him. i wrote him a 8 page letter telling him how he means to me and the kids and all his good qualities. maybe that would nudge something. i gave it to his friend who is also going to try and nock some sense into him. i just don't want to be here sitting in 10 yrs wondering what if, if you know what i mean. thanks for listening.<P>

I know just how you feel. I wish I my H could HEAR that it is not my forgiveness that he needs.....it is the truth. NOt mine or his...or the OW"s, but the truth. It actually is in there somewhere.<P>I think all you can do is let him figure it out on his own. I've kind of decided that I've never been good with setting boundaries of any kind...with anyone. The message that I am trying to tell my kids is that we love Daddy, and they are responsible TO him, just not FOR him. I'm trying to internalize that one myself.<P>ANd it is difficult. But I've decided that I cannot allow this event to define either my life or the life of my kids.<P>I'm sorry your H is having such a difficult time.

Hrtbroken,<BR>True remorse has to include changing beheaviors. Your H is not to that point. It is easier for him to say "I've hurt them too much" than behave better, such as last weekend, when he took your kids AND the new OW #2 out together.<P>That isn't remorse. He's just basically acknowledged he's done wrong and plans to continue doing so at this time.<P>You can't force him to make the jump to remorse. It's doubtful you can even nudge him. <P>If you are in Plan B as you said in an earlier post, you shouldn't be contacting him at all, except about the kids.<P>

Well i just found out that ow #2 is out of the picture, it only lasted 1wk and a half. she got very controlling and he didn't know she had a temper. well there's nothing there. he's suppose to call tonight and i think we are suppose to talk, face to face. don't know if i should.