Okay, here is issue #2.I have this urge to contact the OW. Its not really to finally have a face to go with the images. They will be there no matter what. I also don't feel that I am a knockout so I'd rather not know that she is.(Although my H says that I am prettier)ANYWAY...I want to know if she realizes what her selfish act has done. I'm not a proud person and would not be embarrassed to let her know the anguish I feel and how devistating all this is to me. But I want to know if she feels at all bad for her actions. I just have this image of a person who now has a baby,(I'm begining to feel she wanted to get pregnant) and now a new man in her life and this person who sends her money every month and probally never gives a thought to me. I often wonder if she ever puts herself in my shoes, and if she feels any remorse for what she has done. I also want to know if/what she thinks about my H since he has decided to have no contact. I resent that she will always have some sort of contact with my H. THAT really bothers me. I also would love to tell her exactly what type of person I feel she is, and I don't want to be harsh, calling her obsentities ect...but that I feel that she was selfish, immoral, dishonest, and a thief.<BR>Now realistically I can't do this, for I fear that she would retaliate by asking for more child support, contact, ect...and I don't think that writing a letter and then putting it away will help. I would only want to send it. Its just so hard not to do this. Once I get an idea in my head I usally go with it.<BR>

Ever since my H moved out, I have had the urge to call the OW. I have all the infor I need, I could call her anytime. I don't know what keeps me from it. Things did not work out as I expected with H moving out, and so my resentment is growing.<P>He does not really call me at all, and is now neglecting the agreements we made prior to his moving out. His responsibilities, since I was taking on the majority, alone. He was good for a week or so, but now...He is even starting to not call the kids. My D got her new color belt in Tae Kwon Do last weekend, and he did not even remember, much less call. this is the first one he physically missed and then he didn't call either.<P>My resentment is growing. He never talks now, and my curiosity about whet is going on with him is getting the better of me. I am even willing to call her for the info, since he is unwilling to share it with anywone else except her. He does not even talk to his cousin(his roommate)about stuff. Hopeless! <P>I will call her, just as I decide to divorce, probably. But OOOO it is so hard not to!!!!!

Burned Spouse: I am sorry to hear that things are not going well for you. It is a shame that he he is acting as he is toward the kids, it must hurt them so much. But they do have you, and you are a strong person, and have so much to offer them!<BR>I'm not exactly sure what I would say. I don't think I even would want her to have a chance to talk. I just have so much to let her know.As petty as it sounds, I would love for her to have carry around with her the equivilent amount of guilt and remorse and regret as I do pain.

Dear NGU & BS,<P>Becareful. You may have the best of intentions but you are dealing with someone without values. Someone who may at one time been a reasonable person but could very well be worse than your WS. My H's OW is a psyco. She is not one that can be reasoned with. I did not know that and being a nice person, I tried to give this OW the benefit of the doubt. I got more than I bargined for. My contact with her was 1 phone call (she told me to F off). A letter to try to reason with her. Finally 3 e-mails. All to no avail. What it did tell me is that she knew a lot about our family items. H did a good job of making me look like the psyco wife. Had OW convinced that his marriage was bad since day 1 and OW used her wild imagination to fill in the blanks. OWs response was how dare I invade her privacy. Not sure why it is ok to spread her legs all over the county but not to send her an e-mail. <P>My advice. Save your energy and effort. Redirect it by possibly sending e-mails to your H. You are better than the OWs of this world. They are not in their right mind, especially where your WS is concerned. They are not out there to be your friend and more than likely it will be a waste of time to share your displeasure with them. It can backfire on you if your WS gets angry. WS sometimes protect the OW. <P>Write if you must, then destroy it. I kept a journal and that has proved to be a more valuable stress reducer than sending e-mails. The response I did get from the OW was bad enough to get her hotmail account closed. But she has many more addresses. This particular OW lives in an e-mail fantasy world. When I 'invaded' it by sending her an e-mail at an address that she thought was a secret, she went ballistic. Not good for her high blood pressure (she is older than me by a bit). <P>Several persons told me that my H is the one who needs to feel the brunt of my anger. He is the one who caused me to have to deal with the both of them. They were right. Focusing on my H, is actually better but that was something I had to learn. I had to get past the anger towards the OW. <P>Now I just consider the OW a piece of garbarge. She is not worth my time of day. If I do get the chance to see her in person, well (I almost did), she already does not look good because her inner character is already flawed. <P>If you want to read the novel version of my story, see the post: 1,2,3,4 HELP.... under the recovery forum (3/3 11:31am) It was an exciting chapter with a bit of adventure. The sad part is that it really happened. The good part is that I survived. H is still alive.<P>You know despite what your WS does, you have to live with your actions and if you have children, they are going to view what both of you do. Children see your actions and will recall which parent is making the better effort in this relationship. Keep your childrens respect. It is more important than communication with the OP. <P>That's my opinion. <P>L.

NGU,<P><BR> In my humble opinion it is not a good idea to contact OW.<BR>In most cases OW's are not as pretty as the spouse,believe your husband.The affair,or having the affair has little to do with OW looks,and more about meeting spouses emotional needs.I personaally have not seen OW,nor do I want to.I do not want to see her in my dreams (or should I say nightmares).<BR> She does not care what she did to you,that is the least of her considerations(if she cared ,she would not have had affair to begin with.)<BR> Please do not do this,this woman does not even deserve correspondence from you.<BR> Sounds like she had a child from affair,I am so sorry that you have had to deal with so much.<P><BR> Love and Prayers,beth

hi NGU, it is me, from pregnancy/child board. i think that it would be best not to contact the OW. i often wonder if the OW feels any remorse for what she did. but 4 years later, i have come to believe she doesn't. now that she has taken H to court for child support, and talked to him 2 or 3 times, she has never once asked about me. why would she? she knew he was married, wanted to get pregnant and planned their last encounter. i am sure of it. too weird that he had ended their sexual affair and then she goes after him one last time, cries to him and he fell for it. and bang she got pregnant.<P>don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. i have often wanted to do the same, but have always decided against it. i would probably end up more hurt in the end. <P>take care.<P>happy_girl

Don't do it. The only remorse she probably feels is for the fact that she didn't get to keep your husband. She seems to have pulled out all the stops (pregnancy). I notice that there seems to be a HUGE amount of "accidental" pregnancy going around with OW. Still, she failed. He is still with you. After getting fed up with all the hang up phone calls, calls to my H at work etc after the affair ended I finally called xOW. This was the last time we spoke and the only time it was initiated by me. She informed me that she hated me (and my H although she was still begging him to come back to her) and she was glad for all the pain the A had caused me. The only thing she was sorry for is that she lost the man she was hoping would be her meal ticket. All she cared about was herself.