Orchid - I'd avoid it like the plague. There's nothing to be gained, in my opinion, to getting to know the OW.<P>I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum - My wife's OM was her best friends husband - so I already knew him pretty well. I thought of him as my friend. Now, I have no desire whatsoever to ever speak to him again. I'm certainly ready to do my part for "no contact."<P>WAT

You are probably right. But I doubt that my H would even consider that meeting. So is it a risk to suggest it? Hmmm. Remember H is also taking a risk on how both would react. I think the risk is bigger on his side than mine. In my case, the OW is a paranoid freak anyway. I am a small person, but physical stature is not in question here. My respect and position as his wife gives me an advantage over the OW. I do not like to lord it over another person, but in this case, it would be foolish for the OP to think they own or have a right to our spouses more than us. If they do, they are foolish and deserve to be treated as such. However, I have respect and pride in myself, it is important for me not to bring myself down to their degraded level. But this post was about just allowing us a few momments to lighten up. <P>Sanity resides in our corner right? Let's keep it there. <P>L.

Out of Pain,<BR>You need to separate the identities of the OP & WS.<P>Making fun of, or defining the flaws of the OP is not the same as making fun of the spouse, they are 2 separate people who made the decision to have the affair! Yes, making fun of the OP may point to the BS's perception of the bad judgement of the WS in choosing someone to break their marriage vows with, but hating/disliking/laughing at the OP does not mean we feel the same thing toward our spouse.<P>And in fact, it may act a bit like a vent, or safety valve. The BS has no reason to esteem the OP, but may have every desire in the world to love the WS and put their marriage back together. THe BS didn't make any vows to the OP to love, honor or cherish them.<BR> <BR>And, the co-worker *former* OW talks about both me and my H, she has also portrayed herself as a victim. She knew he was married and living at home at the time she made herself sexually available, she had previously broken up her own marriage for an OM...she's nobody's victim.

Dear Lor,<BR>Ditto. I agree with your post. It is better to vent here than anywhere else. <P>L.

Hi Lor,<P> Good points about the OP vs. WS!.....<BR> <BR> If anyone wants to get a good chuckle they need to read the Other Woman board.....it is painful at first but then you realize the story is the SAME over and over . There is a whole lot of misery there....not too many "happy" OW. They are all so sympathetic to one another and one said that they shouldn't "let MM(married man) treat them the way they do , especially such *trusting,honest* women" .....it truly is the twilight zone! LU

Lu - where is the OW board? Is there an OM board, also?<P>WAT

Hi Worthatry,<P> I haven't found an OM board but the OW board is <A HREF="http://www.gloryb.com." TARGET=_blank>www.glorybe.com.</A> Usually when a guy does come on that board they start bragging about their sexual prowess(!)....they don't seem to be into their feelings like the poor OW is!<P>It sure is a cynical bunch, read the MM dictionary....LU<p>[This message has been edited by Lu (edited March 09, 2001).]

ooh...I love this...<BR>I'm gonna bust on the OM I was involved with<BR>he sucked in bed-he was a spineless wimp-he is no man<BR>(If your husband decided to beat the heck out of me, I'd understand and would let him...but I would keep talking to him the whole time)<BR>I wish my husband would beat the crap out of him!<BR>what was I thinking?<BR>

Hi again,<P> I tried to edit the URL for the OW board but it didn't work....It's <A HREF="http://www.gloryb.com...........LU" TARGET=_blank>www.gloryb.com...........LU</A>

Ok, <P> I am really spastic at this!!....it is <A HREF="http://www.gloryb.com" TARGET=_blank>www.gloryb.com</A> <BR> Geez! LU

OOP..As far as I'm concerned, I love my W, but she also has a stake in this A. The OM is a no good low life who did not know enough to keep his fun and games to his own marriage. I'm sure his W would agree right now. As far as my W is concerned, the A took two people to even start it, and she is as guilty as him. So maybe I am giving it to her a little also. I don't owe the OM a GD thing...but my wife I will cut a bit of slack to because I know her and this is not the real her.<P>Now..this word "Soul Mate" has been popping up all over the place. What the h*** is a soul mate? I have gotten 100 different answers to that. As far as the definition of the WS...it must mean the person that doesn't give a s*** about anything that goes on at home and can give 100% attention to the WS. This person can be understanding of the fact that the WS never gets to do anything they want because their spouse is so controling. Meanwhile the spouse is actually at home with the kids, cleaning up the vomit that was on the floor while the WS was complaining to the OP!!!! The "soulmate" is there to comfort the WS when the spouse complains that the WS is never home! The "soulmate" is the one who moves in on the W or H and takes advantage of a situation that may not be good at home and leads them to believe that there is something better out there!!!! <P>Godd love the soulmate!!!! I know my W does! LOL<P>Mike<p>[This message has been edited by mbtrk (edited March 09, 2001).]

Soulmate-the person who lavishes me with attention. The person who mirrors my thoughts and actions. The person who does not hold me responsible for anything. The person whom with I can pretend I am 14 again. The person that I give up time with my children for.<P>Any other definitions?

Hi LU,<P> I have lurched in the Other Women site a few times myself. So the DA only hear what our H say,too. <BR>poor poor pitiful things.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

And any WS,<P> In this forum is EXCLUDED from our insults. We love you. You are at the MB site. Not the other one. Thank you for being here, it is for the benifet of both sides.<P> Hugs And Prayers,<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Dear my fellow Mbers,<BR>I’m sorry if I offended anybody here. For God sake, I’m a <B>Betrayed Spouse</B> myself. As much as I hated the OM and wanted to say a nasty thing about him, but I resisted that thought because I wanted to concentrate on me and my wife and our marriage, not the OM. Why do I want to occupy my thought with that low-life sucking bustard F**king &&S hole person like that. I’m sorry I don’t want to start this again. I’m out of pain for that part right now and I want to keep it that way. <P>I didn’t come here to protect the WS, but just to voice my opinion. Can we all get along here. <P>OOP <BR>

OOP,<BR>No offense taken on my part! I love your description of the other man. Mirrors my sentiments exactly!!!<BR>Mike

OutOfPain,<P> My sentiments exactly. Good job.... If you did not want to bust on the OM, why did you read all of this???<P>------------------<BR>Deb

OOP,<P>Sometimes it's an acquired skill. It takes some of the negative energy/resentment you feel and throws it far outside of your marriage. It does serve a purpose.<P>I had to LEARN how to do this--cut the ex-OW down--in order to not place anger onto my H or turn it inward, against myself and have it turn into depression. For a long time I sympathized too much for OW. I still can, but I can also mentally/verbally knock her block off, too. The neat thing is, now, so can my H. <P>But for the most part, we're in a wonderful, positive, and healing recovery.<P>Psychology 101. Coping mechanisms. Marital defense.

have to join in here......<P>when OW contacted my H yet again, I decided to give her a little call to tell her what I thought of her. Of course being the coward that she was, she didn't pick up, but instead phoned me back after she listened to the message I left on her voicemail. The first thing she said after I picked up was:<P>"What the f*** is your problem??"<P>Well, give me a minute and let me list them all: <P>you're still alive<BR>you have no remorse for what you did<BR>you see yourself as the victim even though you actively pursued my H<BR>you're an idiot if you think you can do what you did and not suffer any consequences. I mean, did she think I would invite her to tea after I found out? Puhleese!<P>She also said that she was going to get children's aid and take my newborn daughter away from me as I was unfit. HA! I'm 100,000 X the mother than she will ever be (thank god she has no kids)<P>The last email we received from her said that she was sick of H's s*** and sick of me and my s*** and she can't take much more of this crap. Oh! and she also said that we could both go f*** ourselves. You have no idea how tempting it was to reply to that one! As if we needed her permission or something.<P>Needless to say, she's a real piece of work. And the best part of it all is that when I call her trailer park trash, I'm not making it up. She lived in a trailer park for awhile and she still goes up there on weekends. I guess some people can only dream of becoming respectable.<p>[This message has been edited by hurts2much (edited March 10, 2001).]

Dear H2m,<P>Your OW & mine sound like sisters. Her vocabulary only is at the extreme end too sweet to our H's and to vulgar to us. Psyco? Definitely. Wonder what our H's saw in these sleeze balls? The OW in our life has never had a child, yet she wanted to turn me into child welfare and take my child away from me. She thinks she can be a better mom? Psyco lady? I think not. I shudder at the thought of my child even meeting her much less be in her care. <P>My little one said he would not want to even see his dad with any other lady other than his mom. That's my boy!!<P>Just venting again. <P>L.