Just wondering what you think. The past few days, she has a different tone. It can change quickly, but she seems more open to having dinner as a family. Yet she is full steam ahead with changing her name on bank stuff. In order to do this, she wants a legal separation agreement because the bank requires it. Yet she is being very friendly about it, and keeps reiterating that she wants only what she originally asked for, no more, and does not want any of the equity in our house. The debts and equity cancel out anyway, so no big deal.<P>She called me to ask if it should be sent to a lawyer. But throughout this she is very friendly, and yesterday called to tell me she had bought two chocolate bars that are my favorite kind, but they are usually not available here. I said I'd do her taxes, cause she was going to pay someone, and she asked what I wanted. I said a kiss on the cheek, and she laughed and said "yeah yeah" which she often says.<P>She wondered if I was keeping the house (tight squeeze financially). She wondered if I was interested in the house right next to hers...it is for sale. Not a chance on that. I said I want to keep our house for the sake of the kids, and also "in case a miracle occurs between us" so we'll still have our house, because it is nice and in a good location. Her response was, "yes, but we could always rebuild too".<P>She used to speak of things like this every so often, but didn't for the past few months, and even denied saying anything about ever working it out. So I can't read anything into this...but it is somewhat confusing for me. She is going ahead with her own way, but yet warming up and telling me I seem happy and wondering if we can have dinner as a family.<P>I guess I just keep doing what I'm doing? I debate about whether to start talking about US, but I don't think there is anywhere near enough to go on yet.<P>I don't even know what I'd ever do if this started to change. It almost seems to bizarre for that. She isn't a counselling type. That would be trouble. She is a sweep it under the carpet type.

Rick, what you've been doing seems to be working so keep it up. Although you shouldn't get your hopes up, her behavior toward you seems to be a positive sign. Could it be that OM isn't the prince she thought he was? They usually aren't . . . believe me, I KNOW.<P>I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Rick - sounds like right now, she's an "on the fence" type, zig zagging like a house fly at dinner time.<P>You know what to do. Don't bring US up in conversation and keep doing what you've been doing to generate this state of confusion. It's clear to me that's she's very much in fantasy land ("She wondered if I was interested in the house right next to hers"). Like always, hope for the best, but expect less. Now's the time to really suck up to her and be happy, happy, happy!!!!<P>Dave

Hi Rick,<BR> JMHO but I think it comes down to a feeling that if she can maintain an appearance of civility and willingness to do what it best for her kids by having dinner as a family that it makes it easier for her to justify to herself that her pulling away and distancing(not an affair in her mind)are not such a big problem.I think it is her way of rationalizing to limit the amount of guilt she feels. She is obviously very conflicted. That is a good thing! She's been at this for so long now that I wouldn't get my hopes up on her having the gumption to make a lasting change anytime soon. I think she needs some external motivation to do that. I do continue to think and feel that you are the one that could change things for the better by going to Plan B. It is obvious that she doesn't want to lose you and the kids. I admire your strength and fortitude and I sincerely hope that it gets you your desired outcome at the end of all this. We all have to do what we think is best and just know that although some of us may have opinions that differ with what you chose to do,we are here to offer support and well wishes regardless. Hang in there! You are a gem.

Rick,<P>FWIW, my W moved out last week, and all of a sudden she is being very nice, friendly, inviting me over for dinner, and even asking if I would be amenable to reconciliation in the future... Quite a change from the person I knew for the last few weeks/months.<P>My suspicion is that our W's have been feeling very pressured from our efforts to save our marriages. Perhaps now that they are out of the house, and have legal separation documents prepared, the pressure is gone. Maybe now they are beginning to see the OM's for what they are, and appreciate our efforts at being good H's to them and good dads to the kids (?). I dunno. All I know is that at this point no words are going to make any impression on me; it'd take actions, and very concrete and unambiguous actions at that...<P>Like mthrrhbard said above, this could also be her attempt to "play house" now, to make up for her guilt at breaking up the family, having the affair, etc, to convince herself and others that everyone is now happy...<P>AGG<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited March 08, 2001).]

Rick,<P>Just keep doing what you are doing. Hang in there.

Rick,<BR>I agree with AGG.<BR>She is doing all this to feel better herself, to ease her conscience.<BR>There's no proof she's beginng to see what the OM is really worth, and that the grass is not as green as she thought on the other side of the fence.<BR>Regarding the house next door, that could just be to <BR>facilitate access to the children for both of you, and to maintain easy access for the children to both their parents.<BR>The sentence about rebuilding needs clarification.<BR>You SHOULD ASK HER what she meant by this.<P>Look after yourself.<BR>

Hey Rick!<BR>I agree with everyone else that says your W is trying to validate her actiions. SHe is trying to ease the guilt that she is feeling. I am beginning to see the same things from my W. She has done an all out assault on her family trying to real them back in. Inviting them over for dinner, sucking up to everyone. Trying to show that she is happy and doesn't everyone want her to be happy. The kids are fine...(she doesn't see what is going on at my house) and OM is wonderful.<P>Be very careful...the sweetness is used to attract flies...just before they get swatted!!!<P>Mike