can I really and get away with it? I'm so fusterated. She told me yesterday that it was over and we were going to work it out. Then she sees him at class and then all hell breaks loose again. Now she says she can't decide because she loves us both and so on and so forth. I'm ready to track this guy down and kill him. I've been trying to show her that I've changed and it seems to help but what pisses me off is it takes me two days to undo what he does in an hour. My wife works at the same place I do now so maybe that will help. Her weekends are shot too so well shall see what happens. She said she is going to take a break from both of us but I'm not sure if she will not see him.

No, you won't get away with it. Fantasy is just fine, but you can't do that. Somehow I think you already know that.<P>Remember, the OM is only 1/2 of the problem. Getting rid of him won't really help your situation. I think part of the MB philosophy that you all have helped to impart on me is that you need to remain the GOOD person in all of this. Do not lower yourself by doing or saying vengeful things to either OM or your W. It will only give them more power.<P>You are absolutely right about the amount of effort is takes to shine in your W's eyes in proportion to the OM. It is not fair, but that is why the call it the fog, I think.<P>Hang in there. Take care of YOU. Be strong and don't let her actions affect you in her eyes. I know this is hard, but if you want the chance to have her back everything I've read here says this is what you need to do.<P>-LL

Dear W,<P>Your wife is still in the fog. All progress can be undone in an instant. Despite your feelings, eliminating the OM won't fix the problem but I know how you feel. There are many of his sort out there who would be happy to make your life miserable. <P>Use what you have to your advantage. You are the H with the level head. Keep it there. Show her your love in ways that only you can. If that is too hard, just be patient and show her you care and will be her friend. Eventually, she will appreciate your friendship more than the OM's influence. This takes time. You have that on your side. <P>Keep posting here. Those feelings that you are experiencing are recent to me too. I spent a lot of time thinking how I can get back at the OW. Not a healthy thing. I can't take you past that point until you are ready but I can tell you to take it slow and concentrate on yourself, family and being her friend. That may take some of the steam off. Also, writing a journal recounting your feelings may help and posting here. If you can find a friend or counselor, use them. Oh, I have had many ideas. Some of them quite cleaver. Saving them for the momment. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

I know you are angry. But killing someone will not be in your best interest. I firmly beleive that "What Goes Around, Comes Around". And he will get his one of these days. Hang tight. Work on yourself. You will be a better person because of it. Keep venting here. There are alot of people here that can help.<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.

<BR>Kill OM? Not me.<P><BR>I'm gonna tell his W and let her do it. <P><BR>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com

You could kill him, but then you'd have to eat him.<BR> <P>Yuck!<P>

thanks for all the imput of corse I wouldn't really kill him I was just frusturated at the time. Sometimes it's good just to vent. Keep the jokes coming too they help me laugh. thanks again everyone

You know, I used to hate the OM, too. I used to go on tirades against this guy. I'd tell my X "how can you be in love with this guy...he went after another man's wife?!"<P>Then she told me that SHE made the moves on HIM! Whoa!<P>You never really know someone until you divorce them. For the longest time I never placed any blame on my X. Being blinded by my love, I couldn't imagine her doing anything against me. I thought it was all his fault. How wrong I was!<P>Now I put myself in his shoes and think "how would I react if someone like my X put the moves on me?" <P>Not to brag, but my X is an attractive woman. She's an aerobics instructor, with a great bod, nice hair, outgoing...everything a weak and susceptible man could want. <P>Do I want to kill the OM? <P>Nope. I'd like to WARN him!

I used to fantasize about killing this one particular OM with a rifle. I'd have a scope on it and I'd shoot him as he came out of his house. <P>I started thinking though, If Columbo, or some other detective started looking into the case, how long would it take him to figure out I was the guy who did it? Probably about 5 minutes. Needless to say that plan was out. Funny to think about it though. The betrayers think they're hiding things. I wonder how many different pieces of evidence this imaginary detective would find. How many people he would interview, and what they really knew. Also, it's a sobering thought that if something ever did happen to that piece of s***, I *would* be the prime suspect. I mean a normal person would think it plausible that I would kill someone over the betrayal. Kind-of points out the intense pain. Many, many people *have* killed over what's been done to us. Lets not minimize our pain. <P>David

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cjack:<BR><B>You never really know someone until you divorce them. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Wow. Once in a while you run across a big chunk of wisdom, neatly packed into a single sentence. This is one of those sentences. I have to agree with you here, cjack. Excellent observation.<P>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com<BR>

I agree with o2bsane's observation about cjack's quote. Hope I never get to verify it.<P>I wonder if the following variation has any wisdom for WSs after the fog clears: You never really know someone until you cheat on them.<P>WAT

Hi,<P> It probably kills the OW daily, knowing I could end her wonderful prestigous job, in about 5 minutes. Her H is president of the company and she is just lowly VP. All she cares about is her job!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha SHOULD I TELL HIM!!!!?????? My H doesn't talk to her any more and vice versa. Gee I wonder why???<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Oh,<P> And it is so wonderful,having someone being terrified of a 5'2" 105 pound woman. IT IS GREAT!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Deb

I refer to my post (you'll have to look it up, can't do those link things), "I feel like the guy that kept hitting himself in the head with a hammer..."<P>The punch line is that it feels so good when you stop. If I killed f**kbuddy, I would deprive myself of the pleasure of seeing him hit himself over the head with my former hammer.

Ok, so we all agree that murder is out of the question. The next question is what is allowed? Well, the WS and OPs of this world seem to enjoy their pleasure at our expense. Inflicting pain on the BS and their respective families appears to be a favorite past time. What else do they immediately have in common? They try to pretend to have history together but they really don't.<P>Now what is in our favor? Well, we know at least 1/2 of their love rectangle (Our WS and ourselves). There are ways to dig up info on the OP. WebSearch and even some that are free. But a powerful tool: Doubt. Make them wonder what we are up to. Make them go hmmmm. Put doubt in their mind about their own A. Remember all A's are built on lies and deceit. If someone (WS and OP) can lie for them, they can also lie to them. I have found that being agreeable to when H says something about OW and then go hmmmm, really throws him off. Kind of kept him on the fence wondering? "Is my OW loyal to me?" Wow is that even possible? Then sit back and watch.<P>Just my thought for the day. <P>L.<BR>