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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 18 |
I have read a few posts here about make anonymous calls (telemarketing type calls) to the OW to try to gather info about the affair. Have any of you been sucessful with this? What exactly do you say to them to get them to tell you info? I think the OW would talk, but don't have a clue how to go about this. Thanks for your help!
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
BL - I have no experience with this, but it sounds like trouble anyway. I think you'll hear from others that you have more to lose than you have to gain. I have never contacted OM and we used to be friends. Maybe I've missed some opportunities, but I think you have to forget about the other person in Plan A and concentrate on yourself and not LB'ing. Contacting the OP will definitely be fed back to your spouse and can become a huge LB - even if you're successful in making it anonymous.<P>If you're convinced you want to try something like this, establish a new anon. e-mail address and send a nessage that way.<P>Be very cautious with this idea. This forum is not full of examples where anything like this worked.<P>WAT
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 420
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Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 420 |
I understand the desire to gather info because I used to be obsessed with that kinda thing. I think the name of the game for Plan A is to work on yourself. If you do have to dig WS & Ow status then do it above the board without posing as someone or fabrication of any kind. Much less of a LB when/and if backfire occurs. I would think that for the most part you should really stick to visible type indicators (receipts, location of parked cars, general WS attitude towards you). Most on this board agree that contact with OP is not productive to reconciliation or to your self. <P>It's hard to play fair when you get drafted into a game full of cheaters, but in the long run you'll feel better about yourself for staying on the level.<P>What exactly are your trying to find out? Maybe there is another approach to get your answers.<BR>
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Dear Blue,<P>I would advise against this idea of contacting the OW. Too much odds against making progress if you want to get cooperation from your spouse on your marriage. It is a tempting thing to think about, but not necessarily a wise move. Try focusing your energies on building your spouses confidence in you. Become the silent supportive partner. <P>Undermine their A from within. You actually have more on your side than the OP does. Let the OP do all the fighting. Be supportive and watch. It may be the harder way to go but it keeps us from expending too much time and energy on wasted efforts. <P>Just my thought. <P>L.<BR>
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