Wow. 33% is a lot. But, other 67% do!!!! I would love my wife to be part of these 67%

Well, the study did not say that the 33% were incapable, just that they didn't and never had. I think you should first start with the oral, and her reaching orgasm that way. Why does she not reach orgasm that way, but through masturbation? One could be comfort level, and/or stress related to worrying about whether or not she will. That IS a biggie. The other can be technique. I would suggest getting a good book on technique. I do not know what your current one is, but it doesn't sound like it is working. Most guys who have this problem are having difficulty pinpointing the clitoris, to be honest. I do not know whether or not that is your case, but I did want to throw it out there.

Thanks, Takola. We do do oral as well. She seems to enjoy it more than before, but still no O. I do not think we are pressured with it, but a thought is obviously on our minds. We do say the right words, e.i. we just enjoy what we do, and when it comes it comes, but...Do you recommend any particular book/web site to learn more about O thing? Thanks again.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justdoit:
<strong>I do not think we are pressured with it, but a thought is obviously on our minds.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>If it is on your mind during sex, you can bet she feels pressured.<p>Perhaps a few sessions designed specifically to NOT induce orgasm might be helpful? Sessions that are more playful than passionate. Sprinkle honey dust on her and lick it off her arms and legs. Use props or toys (feathers, scarves, oils), but not on genitals. Get used to touching each other in a pleasurable way but not focused on the genitals and clearly not focused on trying to bring her to orgasm.<p>Or how about a session where she is in control of working YOU over? Does whatever she wants to drive YOU nuts. You have to do whatever she says.<p>I think that devoting the first 30 minutes of each session to "let's try something else to get wife to O" is putting the focus too much on mechanics and not enough on fun and playfulness and living in the moment.<p>In case you couldn't tell, never having done any of these things in 10 years of marriage has given me lots of time to think of what I would do if wife were open to being playful.

One suggestion... flavored massage oil... tell her to put it where it feels good and it is your job to get it all off... somehow... that way you learn the spots, have some dessert, and your wife is happy or at least happily amused by it. Make it into a game... make it fun... try every position in the Kama Sutra until something works. If something doesn't come of it than at least you will be having fun in the process. Also a glass of wine or a beer takes the edge off sometimes, champagne also can be good for certain things... (tiny bubbles... )<p>Humor helps as far as I can tell, but what would I know I'm just a man ya know after all... I know I am in a better frame of mind when I am laughing and it seems that women are too... but then again how would I know (Raises hand in a Martians Anonymous meeting)... hehehe...

These are all good ideas. I will try to use them. Thank you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justdoit:
<strong>Thanks. mark2002, I do not want to be too descriptive, but I really need help. Would you explain what else is included in bells and whistles? I think W and I have a very enjoyable foreplay. Lately, verbal part of our love making is good as well. What is a role-playing thing? Yours and others advice is appreciated. Thanks.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>When we do it (wish it were more often), our role-playing is along the lines of a major difference in power and where any "contact" is expected to be forbidden. A simple one we had was this. It was late one evening and she demanded I get out of my PJ wear and put on my regular workclothes. She was my boss and I had to discuss an urgent matter with her--sexual harrassment by my co-workers. And while we carry on this serious discussion, she blatantly starts touching ME...I try to contain my shock and act as if nothing untoward is happening...until it's too late!<p>But don't get me wrong, her perception of our sex life--no matter how good the "mechanics" were--is the lack of a strong emotional connection. As it happens, she did complete the Emotional Needs questionnaire last night. On the matter of sex, I did gain some rather helpful information. Sure we've "talked" in the past, but somehow given the opportunity to dispassionately write down her preferences opened up possible solutions (and some are actually fairly easy to implement).

Try Kash's ideas. I will say that they work really well for me. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Do you recommend any particular book/web site to learn more about O thing? <hr></blockquote><p>I didn't go to a book or a website, I already knew precisely where and how. Problem solved when I turned the lights on and said, "here, right here." while pointing. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 15, 2002: Message edited by: Takola ]</p>

Friends, well, we tried some of advices you've given me. Good thing is that wife did have O after oral and me fingering and rubbing her. This has not happened before, so I guess this is a progress. Still, long way to go...Any comments and suggestions are welcome.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justdoit:
<strong>Hello, everyone. Wife is struggeling to get orgams. This has been a case for most of 19 years of marriage. We just latley started talking about it. Would someone with a similar experience to share it wit me? I need advice. Thanks.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I know what can who can help you.....<p>
<a href="http://www.jamiewhite.com" target="_blank">Jamiewhite.com
</a><p>they give out great advice on subject like these

I guess this is a little personal. . .<p>Lady on top, that's the only way I can get there. And I get there plenty. In fact, I usually get mine long before he ever does, and then he has to finish up and do all the work in the last inning because I am worn out.<p>I don't think that I am built like most ladies "down there". . .stimulation to the more external parts (ie--oral sex) doesn't do anything for me at all. I don't mind it--but I am a little self-conscience about it, and to tell the truth, I just let my husband do it because he likes it.<p>My husband isn't monster-sized. I think he's about average, I don't know, I haven't seen too many. . .uhhhhh. . .but it's not what he's got or what he does, it's what I do that gets me there. The deeper he goes, the better it feels to me. So that means that I have to be on top.<p>Gosh. . .I don't know how to go on without blushing. . .<p>Okay.<p>I get him to sit up--all the way up. So that we are chest-to-chest. And I do all the work. This more fun than it sounds. Then he can play with. . .other parts of me. . .while I am busy.<p>Okay. I am logging off now--this is more than y'all wanted to know, I am sure. Got laundry to do!

Thanks, Josie and Bernzini. This is what so wonderful about this media of communication: if it is done with a good intention and taste, nothing is too personal. I do have a question for you, Bernzini. How fast do you get your O? On one hand, we want to prolong it, on another hand, longer it lasting, more 'bad' thinking happens in our head: would O happened or not. Do you have O every time you have sex? Does husband feel comfortable you being on top? I sometimes feel not so comfortable. Please, feel free to share your experience. It is very helpful.

I silly feel putting this, even though I am standing for my marriage and love my husband very much, even though now he is being the most awful he ever has been to me.<p>I have never had an orgasm, either on my own or with him, I have only ever been with one other man other than my husband. I guess I wonder if some women just can't, or if it is me?

If I may, I will add some input from our marriage.<p>(I am the H, married 25+ years.)<p>I wonder if you are putting too much emphasis on the O? In discussing our sex life, my wife has been very honest in telling me that, for her, she enjoys sex with or without an O. Sometimes she wants one and knows how to get there. Sometimes her O comes as a surprise! But, with or without having an O herself, she is insistant that she enjoys the closeness and enjoys my O 'vicariously'.<p>One aspect of understanding this from her point of view is that there is no longer such pressure for me to 'give' her an O. Instead, we are able to enjoy the act and, surprisingly (or maybe not...) she seems to have an O more often.<p>You sound like a considerate lover who wants his spouse to enjoy sex with you. If, indeed, your W is feeling frustrated in her desire to have an O with you then continue your 'homework'. I am just wondering if she is feeling pressure from your desire for her to have an O.<p>[ May 17, 2002: Message edited by: ghnl ]</p>

Thanks, ghnl. I do appreciate your comments. You said: 'Sometimes she wants one and knows how to get there. Sometimes her O comes as a surprise!'
Unfortunately, my wife doesn't know, yet, how to get one. I do not think she feels pressure from me to have O. We do talk about it, but mostly only if she initiates this discussion. She does say many things that your wife says, and we do have a lot of enjoyment even without O. I just so much want her to be completely happy, and this is only one reason why I am looking for best ways to help her out with it. It is not on my mind ALL the time, including when we make love, but I must be honest: I do think about it. Thanks again, your comments are very helpful.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justdoit:
<strong>Thanks, ghnl. I do appreciate your comments. You said: 'Sometimes she wants one and knows how to get there. Sometimes her O comes as a surprise!'
Unfortunately, my wife doesn't know, yet, how to get one. I do not think she feels pressure from me to have O. We do talk about it, but mostly only if she initiates this discussion. She does say many things that your wife says, and we do have a lot of enjoyment even without O. I just so much want her to be completely happy, and this is only one reason why I am looking for best ways to help her out with it. It is not on my mind ALL the time, including when we make love, but I must be honest: I do think about it. Thanks again, your comments are very helpful.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
I would like to add some advice because this is what works for me.....<p>For me to get an O i have to have MENTAL STIMULATION not only physical....the mental part has to be there or i can't get my BIG O<p>Its very important to talk to each other....talk dirty or say something sweet....talk to her tell her...do u like this and do u like that...change it up and say that u like the way she smells, the way she feels, the way he sounds...ask her questions.....does this feel good, do u like it when i ~~~~....what do u want me to do with you, you bad girl....<p>MENTAL STIMULATION IS A MUST ! <p>people don't realize how much it helps to get you to that spot where a slight movement can send you to heaven!<p>[ May 17, 2002: Message edited by: Josie ]</p>

Josie, thank you. These are a very good ideas. I will do what you suggested. Thanks.

I agree with the comment about mental stimulation. My wife likes it when I talk to her, telling her what I am feeling and how much I am enjoying the experience. Note: this is not done in a selfish manner. Rather it has the effect of increasing the vicarious pleasure she gets from knowing how much pleasure she is sharing with me. A welcome side effect is that it helps me, umm, last longer to our mutual benefit.<p>Again, don't put too much pressure on her by continually asking what she wants - especially during love making. Encourage (allow) her to tell or show you but it has been our experience (as explained by my wife) that expecting her to do a lot of talking 'breaks her concentration'.<p>(good thing these forums are annonymous...)

A question: how do you, man, manage woman ups and downs in terms of sexual activities? It seems to me women are less consistent with their sexual needs. One week they want it a lot, and week after less. Comments, please. Thanks.<p>[ May 20, 2002: Message edited by: justdoit ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justdoit:
<strong>A question: how do you, man, manage woman ups and downs in terms of sexual activities? It seems to me women are less consistent with their sexual needs. One week they want it a lot, and week after less. Comments, please. Thanks.<p>[ May 20, 2002: Message edited by: justdoit ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
well i'm not a guy but i think women want as much as men do but we seem to be more busy to think of it....i know i often want it more than my hubby and that really sux......i always here about how women can't stand it cause their husband wants it all the time.....I WISH!! they are so lucky!