Now that my husband and I are temporarily (yes, I have no intention of leaving him, I just couldn't stand where I was living and such) separated in two different states, I believe my husband is trying to take my son from me. The reason why I say this is because he's being a little TOO nice. All of a sudden, he's willing to work on things out and he keeps saying he wants to move. The problem with that is that he's still living with his parents and I and my son are living with my family. Also, he keeps asking me things about our son like if my son mentioned him or something stupid like that. <P>The reason why I say he's trying to snatch my son from me is because his mother is furious that I left and took my son with me. She wants my son back with her and my-momma's-boy husband is siding with his mother, once again. He's not acting like himself at all. It's almost like someone is telling him how to act and what to say. I think his mother is influencing him to get me to bring my son back there. Since I've made it clear that I'm NEVER moving back in with his parents, he's now resorting to being "Mr. Nice Guy". <P>Another thing is is that my husband is a lot bigger than I am. If he does manage to get me away from my family (that's not going to happen), he could easily take him from me. I think he knows this too. That's why when he comes to visit us, he's always wanting to stay over and go out and do things. <P>I can't trust him because I know his mother is behind all this, but he's just as much at fault as she is because he's listening to her.<P>I know you guys will probably say that he misses his son and all and yeah, that may be true, but his mother and him are trying to figure out ways to make me look like a bad mother so they can snatch him. For instance, whenever my husband calls, he always asks if he's been eating good and stuff. The reason why he asks this is because when me and my son lived with my husband's parents, neither on of us ate good, but now that we're out of there we eat a lot better.<P>Also, on top of that, my husband's mother and SIL said that he told the both of them that the only reason why he's with me is because of my son, that he doesn't want to lose him. Otherwise, he would've gotten rid of me a long time ago. When I confronted him about this statement, he denies it, but I don't believe him because whenever he comes over, he's always suddenly "concerned" about my son.<P>I have no idea what to do about this situation, what do you guys think?<P>Miaka

Dear Miaka,<P>A child is not a commodity. If your H is sincerely interesting his child then he should also be interested in how his care and concern is shown towards your child. <P>Children want a routine, want to know that both their parents love them and have their interests at heart. Your child will be able to tell when a parent is faking it. <P>Talk to your child about visiting father, grandmother and other relatives. If you have a fear of them trying to take your child away, then tell your H. Tell H that you are afraid this may also adversely affect the child. <P>H needs to know that he needs to regain your trust before you can allow him to take him to his moms. Present this in a loving way. Showing that this concern is how you look out for your child's interests. <P>This is a hard one. Sometimes parents ont both sides put their children in the middle. Some of these children grow up and don't forget what they went through. <P>I am not well versed in the exact thing to do, but the above are some suggestions. <P>L.

Miaka,<BR> I know that you are only temporarily separated from your H for now, but the only protection you have, in regard to making sure your H or his parents don't try to take your child away from you, is to file for legal custody of him. I don't know how the laws in different states work, but I do believe that as it stands right now, either you OR your H are equally entitled to custody of your child. So, if your H did take your child to his parents, he could then keep him and file for custody himself.<P> So, I think that it might be a good idea to get some legal advice from an attorney on your situation.<BR>LC

Dear Yuki,<P>LC is correct, the most important thing for you to do -- even though you are separated and not divorcing -- is to file for custody of the child. Although family laws vary from state to state, one thing is consistent. Custody is primarily awarded to the mother unless something truly horrible about either her emotional well-being or treatment of the child can be proven.<P>If your H snatched your son, you would still fight for custody, but why put yourself through a difficult fight when you could establish the custody now since he is with you?<P>See a family lawyer right away. And, yes, I believe you that he might be planning something. You know your H and you know the situation so be guided by your own feelings. Where there is smoke there is usually fire.<BR> <BR>- heavenly