ok, haven't gave an update in a while, wrote h a letter, after we talked about dating, needed to know were i stood. his friend gave it to him and he said tell her if i had anything to say, i needed to call him. ok so i called him yersterday, and asked why he did that, he said that we needed to talk instead of sending notes and i said well if you had return my phone call i wanted to do it face to face. now let me back a bit up, over the weekend he got arrested for not having a liscense and i lb a bit telling him that i was going to move to jersey and to leave me alone and don't call me anymore due to him seeing someone he called just a friend. so he said he didn't call because of that. anyway he said he would call after work. ok didn't really expect him too thought he would blow me off. so i didn't prepared on what i was going to say. but he did at 7 and asked if i has a babysitter. he sounded like ****, cold and tired, and told me to drive over. i didn't get home till 12. but i really didn't get to tell him alot due to his brother coming in and out. it was kinda of hard. then the first ow called 3 times while i was there and he apologize. but he was hanging up on her. anyway we discuss the kids and where i was thinking of moving and alot of small talk that we haven't done in while. i asked him about the dating thing and he said that he wanted to do that, but he still wanted me to go out and do things on my own. he walked me to my car and i told him that i missed him and he said that he missed me too that i was alright when i wasn't *****ing. then i said that i really wanted to work on us and he said that we could do that. ok so what is up. talked to his mother and she said that he said the same to her that he didn't want me to miss out on something cause he hasn't gotten his **** together. we are suppose to get together when he gets back. went up to boston with his brother to get brothers stuff cause they are moving here. i don't know so much i want to say but his brother messed it up. i really didn't expect him to call. mil said he is making sure and doing it slow to make sure that i still wanted him and that there was no one else out there who deserve me more. do you think he is coming around. he would of never done this before, always say that he didn't want to put any false hope out there for me or the kids and that we needed to spend as little time together as possible and that there was too many feelings involve between us. what do you think? we've talked about alot things that night like reconnecting, he told me about things ow did like pretend to comit suicide and how crazy and vandicted she is. now that is completley over with and so is his friend. should i do the dating thing, i want to, start it over again. i think that is what he is trying to do. he was here tonight before he left to go to boston, he was bumping into me and things. d said that he read a card from this guy i knew that was on the counter where he said he wanted to marry me and take care of me and the kids. anyway, should i have my hopes up, i really do cause he would never do this before? Should i take a chance and date?<BR>

just thought i would bring this to the top, just to see if anyone has been there or can help me make a decision.

There is no such thing as false hope. Hope keeps us going. <BR>I think you already know the answer to your question. I beleive you are already looking foward to starting a new relationship with your husband. No one can advise you on this, you have to take the leap of faith and no one else can do it for you. Will it be easy? No life is not easy. Will you be hut again, maybe. When my husband filed for divorce I was so broken that I had no one to turn to but God. I have spent the last year and a half getting to know <BR>God. I have learn He is the only one that can guide me. Give your husband time and let him lead. Don't have high expectations, but never give up hope. Everyones journey is different. don't listen to others search your heart for what is best for you and your family.<BR>I hope I helped you some,<BR>gentle

it does help some. i want to but then i have the doubts in my mind.and ya family and most of my friends think i am stupid for still being here. but i truly love him. and i want for us to find our way back to eachother, and if i don't do this i don't want to be sitting here 20 yrs from now regreting it and have what ifs. i've been through alot this year and i have grown, so i think i owe it to myself to fight this last fight since i didn't this whole time, for myself, him and my family. i just don't want to get hurt,but i guess i'll still be hurting anyway. thanks

Dear HB,<P>Don't feel bad or guilty. You are not off in your thinking. Unless you actually go through this 'stuff', it is difficult to understand why the BS feel, say & do what we do. I understand. This board understands. <P>It is ok to get our hopes up a bit, just be careful if it falls, not to hit the ground too hard. Enjoy the positives and be glad you have some. <P>L.

you know i've been sitting here thinking about this since our talk on thursday, i think i'm going to do it and take it slow. just keep my guard up but still have hope. i'm going to try to be nice and not lb if he sometimes wants to go out by himself, i won't like it, but right now he is talking to me and the ow's are being controling and crazy. he said all women are physco, i looked at hima and he hit me on the head and said that i was alright. i never been controling he was always able to do what he wanted, and i know he realizes he messed up, i just think he is wanted to make sure we can do this. he used to tell me that in the past he had girlfiends who cheated on him and he cheated on them and it never worked out and that he didn't want me in the future whenever we got into an argument to through it in his face. i would never do that. i guess he just wants to be sure. but anyway, i'm going to do i and see what happens in the next couple of weeks. i'm going to leave him a vm even though his is in boston right now to just let him know that i am thinking of him....hey funny, i know him so well still that i figured out what his past word for his cell phone is, i know it was wrong but i had to know if he is talking to any girls. he has some saved from ow# 1 amd she is just so nasty i had to laugh. it made my night. thanks

Dear hrtbroken,<P>Like the others have said, this is a tremendous leap of faith. You know in your heart whether the changes that you see in your H are leading you back together. It is a difficult thing to try to trust again. Allowing my H freedom after the A was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.<P>But, my H showed absolute remorse for what he had done and he tried to be loving to me in so many other ways that it was obvious to me that he was sorry and putting his best foot forward to save our relationship. <P>I asked myself if I felt I would be better off or happier without him. I wouldn't because I love him so much. But then I had to forgive him for what he did and that is another huge hurdle to cross. It is one thing to take him back and then beat him up forever about the mistake that he made. But I had to open my heart enough to put the past in the past and move forward. Not an easy task.<P>You sound like you are committed to making your relationship work. Don't worry about what other people say -- they have their lives and their way of dealing with their problems. They are looking at your relationship from the outside not living inside of it. If you feel that your marriage is worth saving then do everything in your power to do so.<P>Good luck to you. If you feel you can trust him and that he is being real with you, let your defenses down and show him what is in your heart. But just let him know that you are re-committing yourself to him and you could not stand another hurt. You will be afraid but let your heart guide you.<P>Sending you prayers,<BR>- heavenly

yes i know that, it is just hard with him living somewhere else right now, and i do understand, there was alot of pain, and i know that with what he did and coming back and fourth twice, moved with her then back in with me and the kids, he wants to be sure, he doesn't want to hurt me and the kids again. i think he is just trying to see if he could make up for all the wrongs. i know that i have got to trust him, i'm just afraid that if he goes out there might be another bimbo lurking, but i guess i have to have faith and i do know that he would tell me now. at least we have come along way since a few months ago when he has say he truly knew how he felt about me, meaning parts of him loved me and parts hating me, he thought i was keeping kids from him cause i didn't want them around her. and he had also said that if they didn't work out he would never come back to me, which i knew he didn't mean he was just angry. it's just kinda of hard putting my heart out again. but he does know how i feel about hi m and i really truly don't think he would string me along.