I have been going through this a hundred times a day. I really just din't think that I miss him. At first I was devastated, then my new meds kicked in(I think.) <P>Now all I can think of how stupid it is that he doesn't call, and that i really don't care. I am upset about him not contacting the kids though. He has really lost his mind. <P>I may have waited to long for this seperation. I cannot imagine putting the effort in that it is going to take if he decides to dump ow. I really believe in the MB principles, but I never really got the oppportunity to implement them. Though to others(non-mb), it has made me look like a fool. <P>Imagine being the butt of this kind of treatment and still allowing him to do it to me. What kind of self respect is that? I thought I was getting so strong, now I think I am just insane to have been giving him this opportunity and have him skoff in my face. <P>Do I want to be married to such a loser, even if he is the hottest man around? His looks may be all he has to give, and to only one person at a time. But when that one person has other ideas, what then? <P>Maybe parenthood was the true beginning of this for him. I did not have the time to idolize him alone after I had a baby. Since he was NEVER able to talk about his feelings of changing emotions, things may have gone too far. We have been married 16 years.<P>I was also thinking about the fact that he has never been able to express anything other than love and tears. Not fear or frustration, or anything. He is as good an actor as his mom. He used to be able to tell me hard facts about his past, but never about the hard present. I just did not notice, because I was so loved. Now that OW is getting the treatment, there is nothing for me. He barely considers me. I get very angry at this. It almost makes me feel like our love was just an obsession for him, and when he didn't feel it anymore, he moved on, searching until he clicked with someone. THen it started again. It is common for people to do everything in patterns. H always has, why should this be any different?<P>I really think that there is no hope for this relationship at either end. He shows no interest, and I am quickly losing it too. Resentment is HUGE for me now. It grows daily. <P>Is anyone else going through this kind of withdrawl? I never meant for it to go this way, but I feel so used and I am sick of this crud. Seven months since dday!! I seem to be so much better alone with the kids, but I cannot heal my lonliness. I have not been in a relationship for so long that I really miss it. Did my H feel this way somehow? I never could do what he did, but as bad as it sounds i would love to have a fling right now, just to know that I am not washed up. Self esteem is such a delicate thing. Mine is so weak!!!<P>I seem so much better, that I don't want to give of myself to H anymore, he does not deserve me now. He is a snake. The life we had is over and the memories tarnished and that is the way they are going to stay. He does not want to start anew, do I? Really? I don't know.<P>Beth

i have felt the way you have at times. i started going out, twice a week, learned to country dance, and the attention i get from men up there is something that i have been missing. about a month ago, i did start to see someone, was lonely and i figured if he could do it so could i. i was straight up with the guy and he wanted to put me on a pedastal. well one thing led to another and i did sleep with him, not once but four times. then i felt kinda wierd, not cheap or anything like that. then i realize what i was doing, looking for h in this guy and it just wasn't working. i was putting up a front, so i ended it. i told h last week when we had a heart to heart, i could see him crunch but like he said he can't tell me what to do, and then he had me look in his eyes and told me that it did not matter if i slept with a hundred guys, it wouldn't change the way he felt. so i'm just giving you my experience.<BR>take care

Hi Beth, <BR>Ive been wondering how you were doing. Glad you are alright. I think it is sort of a stage, to feel that releif and not really missing him and the crap he put you through for so long. Now is the time to focuson you. Try and forget about him for awhile and do what you need to to explore yourself a little. Stop foccusing on the affair stuff for awhile and take a class for you for fun, go out to eat with friends, take a bath, go somewhere with your kids.<P>Thats exactly what is supposed to happen. If your H chooses his own plan B then go with it, dont pursue him, let him call you. Send him updates if you want. Relax a little. Now is when the time and patience is all you have.<BR>Lora

Beth-<P>OH MY!!!! Are you sure our Hs are not leading a double life here in Phoenix!!!! Your post could have been written about my husband!!! It was so eerie to go back to your profile and see you were here in PHX.<P>Did you also write somewhere that you had moved here to advance his career etc... Our stories are so similar!! I would like to know more about you.<P>I understand the feelings you are going through. Some days I just want him gone and to get on with my life. Find someone who appreciates me who isn't so wrapped up in himself that my wants and needs and those of the children are always secondary. The admiration of women is like a drug for him and when I had our children (14 mos apart) i had no energy at the end of the day to spend admiring him as I worked full time as well.<BR>I feel he has fallen into a pattern as well and that staying with him will only ultimatly lead to more pain!!<P> "Do I want to stay married to this loser even if he is the hottest guy around?" <P>My sentiments exactly when I'm having an up day. I do still experience the roller coaster and feel desperatly needy for him at times. <P>Like I said I would love to hear more from you. <P>

Dear Beth,<P>I know how you feel. My H is a good looking man, but right now I don't see his handsome side. I have written a post today under the title: A revelation - Thank you Mr. Clooney. <P>While I did not have someone else to give my love and care, I have learned where my needs are and how I need to work on having them met. You are not a bad person. There are some H's out there that do not treat their wives good in addition to how we are treated during the affair. I am now wondering, why I keep putting effort into this marriage. H certainly isn't pulling his share. Maybe there is a Mr. Clooney out there for me. Or maybe my H can be more attentive in a way that I felt George Clooney makes women feel (a bit of fantasy there, but read that post it may clarify my statements better). <P>I to am feeling that I may be better off without H. H is having a hard time with this. He wanted to keep me in his pocket, just in case he wanted to come back. Pretty selfish don't you think? I don't want to be anything less than #1. <P>L.<BR>

Hello burnedspouse (BS just doesn't seem very nice ) Sorry, but I had to laugh for a moment. I am about to post an update on myself and you may wish to read it for more insight about what I have to say.<P>I totally understand where you are. I told my husband today that the best thing that is coming out of this is that I realize I don't need him. <P>What I can say to your post is that I believe we should hold on to our convictions about what we need and not settle for less after having undergone such turmoil. I can also attest to feeling that extreme desire for attention from the opposite sex and yes, I do think there are some clues there as to how the WS was feeling. There are so many lessons here, but you both have to be willing to learn them, change your ways, and demonstrate them to each other. I am also just sick of trying.<P>Hang in there and follow some of the advice above. Take care of you now and do not chase him. He needs to take you back because he wants YOU and loves YOU. I hope that happens for you. -LL

Thanks everyone for the answers. I do not plan to abandon all the progress I have personaly gained from the MB principles. I have gained a lot of self worth right in my own eyes. I am regaining carefree happy children, they felt the unspoken stress in the household and were at a loss. Now all is clear, and they can enjoy them selves for now. I have seen smiles and heard laughing I have not heard for a long time. A lot of it from me. I never realized how little I laughed now. It feels good.<P>I saw my h at church today. He was not wearing the new wedding band he bought when he cut off the old one. he was on a trip last week. I asked him when he stopped wearing his wedding ring. He said he lost it, actually it had been stolen out of the car at the car wash. He went into such a lengthy tale that I did not bothe5r to ask him why it was in the ash tray anyway. If he takes it off for the club, why wouldn't it be in his gym bag, or locker when he dresses? <P>Maybe he took it off before his trip last week, then it got stolen when he did not put it on again after returning. Hmmm. He said they gave him a gift certificate at the car wash worth $150 to make it right. I believe some of it. I have always believed that he bought such a loose new ring so he could remove it for conjugal visits. But this would have been their first rendevous in Texas, pretty far for her... But it has been since January....for them.<P>We have a counselling session tomorrow together. I will update again after...<P>Beth<P>Oh, and Hopless in AZ, my email is badg2@juno.com if you want to contact me and get a local. There are a few of us AZers here on this sight. Or were, a few have moved on... Of course I may never move from MB. It was such a crutch for so long, but now I use it responsibly. I only check once a day!