I've always had a problem with Dr. Laura Schlessinger - something about her really bothered me for a long time. While she has made some good points about the value of marriage, there were always too many things that she had to say that didn't quite ring true to me. Call it whatever you like - I don't like her.<P>I am probably very late coming into this particular knowledge, but I thought I would share it with those who may also not have known about this. Based on a news story about a bill being considered in Colorado (1 year mandatory counseling for couples with children who want a divorce - IMNSHO, a not so bad idea) in which Dr. Laura is mentioned as a proponent of the bill, I did some research on the web and found this at a Dr. Laura newsgroup archive:[quote](4.11) Did DL really have an affair while she was married?<P>Yes, while married to her first husband she began a relationship with radio talk show personality Bill Ballance. She had claimed the relationship was no more than a mentoring one featuring a few lunches. When interviewed for the Vanity Fair article Ballance refuted this claim, stating they'd had a passionate two-year affair until she left him for Lew Bishop. Only after the October 1998 publication of nude photos of DL taken by Ballance during their relationship did DL admit to the relationship, stating she'd had it with Ballance while 'legally separated' from her husband. When she arrived in California in the mid-1970s, she was only separated; Ballance says he had been dating her for months before he discovered she had left a husband back East. ('Diagnosing Dr. Laura', by Leslie Bennetts, Vanity Fair, September 1998)<P>DL and current husband Lew Bishop began their relationship while Lew was still married to his first wife. <P>At the time, Schlessinger was working in a lab at the University of Southern California next to Lew Bishop, a tenured neuro-physiology professor and father of three. They are vague about when their relationship began; first they insist Bishop was already divorced, but later Schlessinger concedes he had just separated. ('Diagnosing Dr. Laura', by Leslie Bennetts, Vanity Fair, September 1998)[/qoute]Something about a person who claims to be a 'certified' marriage and family counselor (in California, it is not difficult to hang out a shingle and call yourself just about anything - so I've heard) who has a marital history involving two affairs, just doesn't sit well with me. And then, denying it until faced with hard evidence...<P>I wonder what damage she has done to the fight for marriage? How can anyone take her seriously with this background? Yes, I know - people make mistakes - but... lying about them, as we all know here, does nothing to convince people of your sincerity. If she truly cared about marriages and families and had made such mistakes in her life, she should have been forthright and honest about it, admitting that she had made such mistakes. Personally, I think she is in this only for the money... not so different from the fallen TV Evengelists ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Forgot this - the URL to the site where I found this ... and loads of other stuff:<BR> <A HREF="http://extra.newsguy.com/~satire/faq.html#(4.8)" TARGET=_blank>http://extra.newsguy.com/~satire/faq.html#(4.8)</A> <P>Although the word "satire" appears in the URL, this FAQ offers a number of links to various sites supporting and documenting the information they list.<P>Terri

I listen to parts of Dr. Laura's program almost everyday.<P>She doesn't believe in certain kinds of honesty, specifically that of WS confessing affairs that are over and undiscovered. She has stated that revealing such an affair is "selfish" of the WS and why put the ignorant (my word) partner through the trauma of knowing, along with the suspicion that will go along with it? Er, sweep it under the rug...let the sleeping dog lie, whatever. <P>Since honesty in other areas to her seems to be very important, I couldn't quite get this "glitch". She's big on the 10 commandments, where does "keeping quiet" fit with #8 "you shall not bear false witness", not to mention of course #6 "you shall not commit adultery"? But, I guess "guilt" goes a ways in explaining it.<P>She has turned to her Jewish heritage & religion I believe since the affair, in effect trying to turn her life around. My Christian counselor is a former WS...however, he is very honest about his regretted past and still with his first wife, they both have quite a testimony.<P>This is just a thought, but perhaps she is so verbally tough on "stupid things" because she wishes someone had stopped her or told her exactly how destructive her actions would be? (boy I must be a marshamallow today).<P>I like her and Judge July Sheinlein (sp?), just because they are such tough broads I mean, in comparison to my daughters listening to Dr. Laura or Eminem or even the cheating (a constant theme if you listen) songs of Backstreet Boys & N'Sync, I prefer Dr. Laura.

As a "real" therapist (MSW and everything), I really get irritated with DL. IMHO, she takes people who are hurting and subjects them to her 30 second diagnosis and treatment. Sometimes this is appropriate and sometimes not. Her Ph.D. is not in counseling or psychology, but physiology. I don't know where she got her certificate, but terri is right, here in California, it is fairly easy to take a nine month course, hang a shingle, and be a therapist. Lots and lots of "buy a degree" places around here.<P>All that being said, I approve of DL's primary message. Do what you can to keep the family together. Your children are worth it. There are plenty of examples of people that were "sinners" and then came to see the light. Do we disregard everything they had to say because they made some mistakes when they were younger? I don't.<P>Just my $.02

Our dear friend who is of Bahai faith told me that if couples want to divorce they must have a full year sex free - any sex and back to the beginning of the countdown.<BR>Interesting...

I too listen to bits-n-pieces of the Dr. Laura broacast (over the internet). There are things I like and dislike about her. <P>What I do like is that she tells people to stop whining and take responsibility for their lives. She also emphasizes what is RIGHT as opposed to what FEELS right. And she is pretty good about telling it like it is for each specific caller...she has a good sense of knowing their real motives, feelings, etc. I also like her stance on abortion and keeping the family together.<P>The things I don't like is that she can be a little two-faced once in a blue moon. I've heard her give contradicting advice from one day to the next. And she is sometimes a little too hard on people. Also, her degree, her past relationships, her switching from Catholicism to Jewism is all just stuff....I don't like to hear that about her affair, etc., but I take it with a grain of salt.<P>All in all, I have to say I agree with her most of the time. And like someone else said, I'd rather listen to her than to ALL the talk show hosts on TV now or any current musician.<P>Also, maybe, just maybe she has learned from her past mistakes. Yes, lying about them and covering them up isn't good, but remember: How she got her "license" to practice, how she came to believe the way she did, etc. is all part of her search. We are all pretty much searching and learning each day of our lives. <P>So just take what she says with a grain of salt. Just like you do things from this board, or from any other source. Not everything you hear is true, no matter who says it. So even tho I don't have my sh*t figured out, doesn't mean I don't have something that could help someone else along the way.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>PS And I do like her book "Ten Stupid Things Do To Mess Up Their Lives"....wish I had read it years ago....<BR>

I can't stand "Dr." Laura.<P>My husband seemed to have a lot of sense, until after he moved to MN. (The Fog?). Then he traded him 99% of his moral values, and depended upon listening to Dr. Laura every stinkin' day at work, and (I think) was trying to get them back. Every night he'd come home and tell me his new findings, based on listening to Dr. Laura. I got sick and tired of it.<P>He was so "hooked" that his sisters even told him they don't care what he learned from Dr. Laura. And his oldest daughter found a bumper sticker to give my husband that had "ASK DR. LAURA" on it.<P>Well, if any of you know - my husband (after a few years) finally admitted to a "almost mistake". He will probably live the lie the rest of his life. Thanks to people like Dr. Laura, he will never understand the freedom you receive from honesty and forgiveness, not to mention the fact a liar is not trustworthy in MY book. <P>Save us the protection, DL. Start preaching honesty.<P>TNT

I'd like to chime in on this one, since I used to work for the same company that syndicates Dr. Laura:<P>She's losing her audience...quickly! Her tv talk show bombed, and radio stations (like the one here in Phoenix) have been moving her to less-than-desirable time slots. Her numbers are slipping, and I think I know why.<P>In the past, I was a big Dr. Laura fan. She told it like it was, talked straight with her listeners, and gave common-sense advice. Lately, though, she has fallen into a trap that many talk radio hosts have fallen into:<P><BR>She thinks she's never wrong. <BR> <P>Now, 5 or 6 years ago, when her star was rising, she'd listen carefully to her caller's problems, only interrupting them when they got off the beaten track. She gave common-sense advice that was simple, direct, and to the point. Her morality was refreshing, her compassion was evident, and her candor was the only thing shocking about her show. <P>Nowadays, she rarely listens to her callers. They begin to tell their stories, but she interrupts them before they can get to the point, and gives them a curt, sometimes even rude "solution" to their problems, then unceremoniously hangs up more often than not. She seems almost annoyed that they would bring their petty little problems on her show!<P>Now here's a little insight into the radio biz: Dr. Laura's phone screener spends twice as much time with each caller as the good Dr. does. When Dr. Laura picks up a phone line, she's got a computer screen in front of her that says "Jack from Phoenix, wife left after affair, he wonders if he should try to stop her from taking daughter to Vegas to live with boyfriend."<P>She already has her advice ready to go before she even picks up the phone. She already knows what "solution" she's going to give before she talks to them. That's what bugs me about Dr. Laura. She's become the queen of "don't tell me what the problem is...I already know what's wrong, and I have the solution." <P>Has anyone else noticed that her catchphrase has changed from the uplifting "now go take on the day" to the preachy "now go do the right thing"?<P>Once an ego has grown to a certain size, it needs to be fed.

CJack, I suspected the computer screen or Dr. Laura's previous knowledge because sometimes, she says "That not the problem you told the screener" and cuts them off.<P>I've also just started listening to Dr. Joy Brown and in comparison with Dr. Laura, she's really liberal and I think gives horrible advice..."if you aren't happy married, maybe you should separate and see if you are happier, don't worry about the kids..." UGH, YACK.<P>As I'm waiting for the kids in a car, or just listening to the radio, I'd rather have talk radio to think about than listen to endless love songs. And my alternative to Dr. Laura are home repair and/or sports/ranching. I feel free to disagree or agree with the talk hosts...I'm past the age where I automatically "ditto" anything ANYBODY says.<P>And when the kids are in the car, if I think Dr. Laura has gone off the edge, I comment that she was pretty crabby with that caller, or I don't agree, or, "what is she thinking of? Anybody get what she means?" She really sets off my 15 year old sometimes, and I like to know what tangent the kid is on, or what beliefs she is forming.<P>For me, it's like a lot of things, not all good, not all bad, useful for some ideas.

IMHO, Dr. Laura is a phony - I can't stand her holier-than-thou attitude. When nude photos of her (taken by a lover, don't know which one) were released on the internet, I couldn't stop laughing.<P>She's right up there with Kathie Lee Gifford on my list of the obnoxious and insufferable.<P>Just my two cents.

Dr. Laura is simply at the extreme fringe of a set of beliefs that can be very helpful: that we need to recognize moral dilemmas and make moral choices, instead of just what feels good, or brings in the most money, or keeps everything on an even keel (and a previous poster was right: not confessing infidelity ... well, that can be downright <I>dangerous</I> to the BS ... I think it is truly a judgment call, not something that can be categorically stated). <P>Whatever her past, it doesn't necessarily discredit what she is saying and doing today. Even the worst hypocrite can't change the truth of the message, they can only spatter it with their own mud.<P>But on the whole, I'd rather hear from Steven Covey, or someone with a little more sophisticated approach ... although Dr. Laura may be what a lot of people need if they're not very sophisticated ethically.

You're right, cjack, she really does think she's never wrong. I have noticed that. And the cutting the caller off if he/she disagrees with her.<P>I guess, living in the boonies as I do, I would rather listen to Dr. Laura and get a shot of some truth in spite of her self-righteous approach, than some other tv and/or radio shows, most of which I can't tune into anyway. <P>Sisyphus wrote: <B>Whatever her past, it doesn't necessarily discredit what she is saying and doing today. Even the worst hypocrite can't change the truth of the message, they can only spatter it with their own mud.</B><P>Good point....on the whole, I think she does more good than harm for morality, etc.. Like I said, I don't totally agree with her, and really didn't know some of the stuff about her past. However, as with everything I hear, I always take it with a grain of salt....it really doesn't matter WHO is saying WHAT...I always have to hold it up to my own moral magnifying glass and see if it's geniune. <P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

I actually got on the air and talked to Dr. Laura last May so I guess this makes me a bit biased: She gave me the answer I wanted to hear. <P>At the time my wayward spouse (we had been separated for a little over a year at the time) wanted to take his OW to an event which he hosted called "Hershey Family Weekend." This particular event is something he took my children and me to for years and years. Well, last year was the exception: He wanted to take the OW along with my children. I didn't want the kids to go because the OW would be there yet the children wanted to go because of the constant pressure their father was putting on them to go. I agonized over this for weeks and asked him repeatedly to please leave the OW out of this scenario and to please just bring the children. <P>Dr. Laura told me to tell him that he had a choice to make: Either go alone or go with the children. She told me to tell him in no uncertain terms that the OW was not FAMILY and that she should stay home!! She then threw in a few choice remarks that just because he's out having sexual relations with this other person it certainly doesn't mean that his children need to have it thrown in their faces, let alone at a function designated and promoted for families.<P>So, suffice it to say, I love Dr. Laura though I don't always agree with what she has to say. She certainly came through for me, though. I am forever grateful to her for the advice she gave me that agonizing day. Of course, my wayward husband heard the show that day, too, yet he took the OW to the family function anyway and left the children at home.