<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Because you love her......

OOOO - because you're a caring and loving human being and you're trying to understand and do the right thing.<P>Dave

I have another one for you.<P>And why are the downs so much worse after you have had a little of the ups?<P>Hang in there oooo, I know how it feels to have something be a little positve, and then go back to nothing. Its make you question everything you are doing. Just give it a little time and it will get better.<BR>Lora

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Dear OOOO,<P>You have asked the exact questions I have and believe it or not the answer is not simple. The emotions tied to our relationships are based on many things. View of loyalty, trust, respect, beliefs and the sanctity of marriage. <P>In a very wise book, it says that "a man will leave his father and mother and stick to his wife and they will become one flesh.... what God has put together let no man pull apart." In those very words are the reasons why we are all having a difficult time. Both WS & BS's really know that the marriage is not just a piece of paper. Whether the claims of 'not in love with you' are real or not, the uniting in marriage and becoming one flesh did happen to all of us. Defying God by allowing a man or woman to pull that marriage apart, no matter how hard the OM or OW tries meets up with them having to put up a fight against God. Would you want to fight against Him?<P>The fight on our parts to keep our marriage is that regardless of our religious beliefs, the sanctity of marriage is a universal belief. Oh yes, the OM and OWs of this world try to underplay it, knock down our love and loyalty. They tell our spouses how important it is to be 'pure to the OW/OM', how true love is only with the OW/OM, marriage is not important, only fulfilling their desires are important, responsibility is a burden they must escape from, etc. The list of excuses go on and on. But in the end where is real happiness? In a lie or in the truth? Where is real love? In a relatioship build on a lie and full of deceit or in an enduring God given marriage arrangement? <P>Yes, some marriages will end, some will survive but all answer to the same source. The OW and OMs of this world need not fear us (BSs), they need to fear themselves. They are their worst enemies. Our love is trying to salvage at least on of those persons in that A. Remember our spouses are the OW or OM as well. <P><BR>As long as you feel you have love for your mate, you will continue to hope. As each hope is dashed to pieces, the hope doesn't die completely, just adjusts down until there is no more ability to recover (like death). Our pledges of death til you part are put deeper in our hearts than some of us realize until we are in these situations. <P>Oh, if our spouses could see how we all feel, if we could make them feel what we feel. Maybe....... One can only hope.<P>L.<P>

Because it's your job right now, she's not fighting for your marriage, so that leaves you . . get your boxing gloves on (no, not for the OM!!). For your W, she doesn't know it (or won't admit it) but she needs you.

OOOO, <P>I wish I had the answers for you & me both. think Orchid pretty much hit it on the nail.<P>I know their are several reasons I have hung on so long & so hard. I don't want the OW to win, everyday I am still my H's W, is another day she is not. Not nice but true<P>I wish you could find some peace.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited March 14, 2001).]

I have another take that may be incorrect. I think that many times it is our ego and sense of self respect that is at stake. If we quit the marriage we will have to admit that we failed in something that was very important in our lives.<BR>It also deals with the conception of rejection. Some people will endure pain just to say they have not failed. My friend it is not you who failed. It takes two for a marriage to succeed but only one to destroy it. This has nothing to do as to your value as a man or a husband. I do not believe that we are put here to endure everlasting pain at the hands of an uncaring and selfish spouse. If this is the case then you can walk away with your head high. If there is no hope then what is the point of self-flagellation? On another note, many years ago I indeed read a book entitled How To Fall Out of Love. It was brutal.

OOOO,<P>No great wisdom here. I've been there, though.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>I’m sorry to all. That is how I feel. Maybe I need to take a break from all this. Maybe….<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><BR>Emotional overload can't be solved by intellectual answers. You do need a break sometimes, just to recharge.<P>I'd say have a couple of beers with some buddies, see a ballgame or a movie, take a long drive in the car (not necessarily right after the beer consumption ), or find other things that you enjoy which do not demand much of you. R&R is the best cure I can offer, and it sometimes does wonders for a person's mental state.<P>Hang in there,<P>Steve<BR>

Ok Steve, I am gonna take your advice. The company's cruise is this weekend. I am not taking H because he still has not decided where he wants to live. I am taking a good friend and she guarantees we will have a good time. <P>It is my first cruise and probably my first vacation without taking family &/or visiting family in 10 years. <P>It usually takes about a week for me to start relaxing. The cruise is only 4 days. I will check back next week. <P>Adios!!!!<P>L.<BR>

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

This has nothing to do with your post. I got a great laugh at the OM leaving a cart full of groceries in the store (on my post).<P>Your wife seems a bit better. Glad that you sound better in your last post on this one.