I need thoughts on my plan for tonight if I can muster up the courage. <P>I want to talk to my H. Read to him my Plan A letter. Invite him to go away next weekend together, ALONE. <P>Presently, he has ?stopped his A, however, 3 weeks ago did not want to reconcile(he said that in our 2nd mediation appt) I served him Divorce papers jan3 and I want to stop it.<P>I guess I need help in what to do if he says "Well, I'm still not in love with you" I still want a Divorce. I am not going anywhere with you. You get it all the negative things. Do I just say okay, have a nice night.<P><BR>Responses would be great.<P>Hopelessmom

Hate to say but yeah, at this point that is about all you can do.<P>He will know you want/believe you can work things out, that you love him, that you don't want a divorce, so if he says that is what he wants, say okay, you will have nothing to lose.<P>good luck, prayers being sent your way.

Dear Hope, <P>I just got home and wanted to send this to you as it may be getting late in your part of the country. My dear Hope, you are putting your best forward. Do not be too disappointed if this is not appreciated. Let your H know that it is an internal struggle for you to make this gester. Let him know that you are afraid of rejection. If he has a heart, he will see you trying. That thought may make it difficult for him to turn you down.<P>Now, I will play the other side of the coin for you. In the event that he should turn you down. Turn the other cheek. What does that mean. You know you have done you best, it is not appreciated. Don't take it personally. Many would be flattered with your offer. You have presented you 'carvings of gold' to someone who does not appreciate the value of gold. Tell him that you hope one day he can appreciate your efforts. Keep your head high, be proud that you are the better person in this relationship. It is not your fault if he does not appreciate you. <P>Take Care, <P>L.

I think everyone's given you the same good advice. Scary, but remember that even if he refuses this time, it doesn't mean his feelings won't come back some day. These loving gestures you make now will be rememberedand contribute to rebuilding the love between you.

What's that stupid phrase "If you love something, let it go",blah,blah. I agree with all said. Orchid put it beautifully. Give him your heart again and if he doesn't accept it, it is HIS loss.He needs to realize the value of your gift. <BR>You will know you gave your all.Strength to you, I'll be praying.

Thanks all. I chickened out.<P>I got home and kids were awake and had to put them to bed and he escaped before I could talk to him. I will have to try again. Maybe I will just leave the letter or do you think it is better in person.<P>I know that I am doing all to save this marriage but it still hurts. It is hard to have your life fall apart around you and your family and have the person causing this pain to be "nice" to you. I can't stand that part. If you don't want me, then don't chit chat with me, don't touch me, don't do anything for me. It hurts too much.<P>I am sitting here crying while I write this. I don't want to go thru an agonizing divorce and do all the crappy paper work and decide who gets the kids when and where, have to sell my house, not be a part of his family, have our vacation spot that we met and have been going for over 30 years tainted with bad vibes, my kids missing their Dad, and having angry words between us when the divorce starts, ( I don't think I would be strong enough to continue mediation with him) and someday meet another man and have to think about making a step family and all the crap. I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT. Part of me just wants to say, here, take the kids, I am leaving. I am moving and I wil take the kids for vacations. I wouldn't do that , but I have thought about it.<P>Hopeleemom

i know how you feel, i to have sad at times that all he wants is our children, maybe i should do that cause the kids would be happy being with there daddy, i to think at times he wants just them and not me. life sucks. at least there isn't any ow involved anymore, and with this dating thing, i think well if he wants to work on us, then he should be here. stop the chit chat, the grabbing me, the flirting cause it is killing me. i like the attention, but man, i miss it and not having it 24/7. it hurts living the separate lifes and not being apart of the every day thing. not falling asleep with his arms around me and not seeing him first thing in the morning. sometimes i just say the hell with it, i can find someone else who would want to be with me and the kids and give us the attention we do deserve. but then i think of how much i do love him, so now i don'tknow what to do

Hoplessmom,<P>I feel your sadness. I feel exactly the way you do. I want and love my husband so much and I am so out of control of getting him back. <P>I am reminded of the words from the Phil Collins song-<BR>"you have no right to ask me how I'm feeling<BR>you have no right to speak to me so kind<BR>I can't go on living just hanging onto ties<BR>so now we just go on living seperate lives"<P>Don't they realize that it rips us apart.<P>I Hate the thought of a divorce as well and for all the reasons you stated. Mostly I cry when I think that my children will be packing a suitcase to visit thier Dad. No child should have to do that.

My h told me time and time again that we were over. My family told me time and time again that my h said it was over and to believe him. I knew deep down that we were meant to be together. I can't showing him that...introducing but not overwhelming him to the thought that although it looks hopeless now...it's not worth throwing away 11+ years...I started out by asking him just to try even if it is for the kids sake. We are almost "recommitted" for a year now. <BR>