I'm helping to clutter up the forum with another post, but have a question.<P>Wife is planning a cruise or something for 12 days this summer. I think it is absolutely insane, because she hasn't got the money, but she'll do it anyway. I've already told her that going on that kind of trip is expensive, and I couldn't do it. Came short of saying she is nuts. Should I say anything else? For example, "don't come to me for more money when you can't pay your bills"? I'm thinking I just leave it for now.<P>If she never asks for more money, then I don't care how she spends it. But she could always ask for more....that is the way the law is here.<P>She is using her maiden name on virtually everything, including her passport, which I just signed. The most silly part is she checked off that she is married, and listed me as her husband. Nothing about separation. I said, "what is this?". She said, "well you are aren't you". Technically yes, but she certainly doesn't act as such.<P>Aren't they bizarre!!!!!

Rick,<P>For better or for worse, (that's a joke, BTW), in seperations like this, you pretty much have to let her go her own way, and make her own mistakes. Part of why these things happen is because of the control issues in the past. Going on a cruise maybe something she's always wanted to do. Yes, you're probably 200% correct that she can't afford it. Yes, she'll probably do it, anyway. Yes, she has to learn to live with the consequences of her actions- and at some point, learn what she *really* can or can't afford. <P>That said, I must warn you that in most states, playing this kind of game (giving them enough rope to hang themselves financially) is very dangerous. Dangerous to YOU, financially. Because, in most states, you're still responsible for the debts your spousee incurrs, particularly while still legally married, even when seperated. Some ex's will dig such a deep hole for themselves that the only way out they see is bankruptcy- mine did that. Even though it was after our divorce was final, because I had been on some of the credit cards she had but was responsible for, and I hadn't been able to get my name off of them, I wound up having to pay about 10K worth of bills after the fact- of which I've never seen a dime in re-imbursement.<BR> <BR>Our daughter is 16, and part of our seperation agreement was how much we would each be saving on a regular basis for her college. Needless to say, it turned out my ex hasn't done that, and obivously it's a real question now whether or how whe will contribute. BTW, this comes after I paid to put her through a master's degree program during our seperation and divorce- one which she didn't complete, becuase instead of finishing her thesis, she went on a cruise with her boyfriend to Alaska. <P>My advice: you can't control what she does. But if you don't have an iron clad seperation agreement protecting you financially, I would either seek one, or seek a full divorce ASAP to protect yourself. And I would explain the reasons why to your wife/ex-wife-to-be carefully, calmly, and firmly. You do have no recourse to protect yourself financially other than this. There are many kinds of fog- your's seems to be well into one of them. <P>Good luck, and take care.<P>Jon<p>[This message has been edited by JonMarsh (edited March 14, 2001).]

Thanks for your insight. You are quite right...she is going to do it anyway. Her new credit cards are in her own name, so I must check, but hopefully it has no impact on me. The ones we had together are being cancelled, but haven't been used lately. The house soon goes into my name only...that was a condition of her getting her own mortgage (way back when the A started and she suddenly had to move).<P>The irony of her trip is that when we met, and eventually married, she had no desire to ever go on any kind of tropical vacation. I had been on a couple. She was a homebody and didn't like to travel. She did not like bars, and had essentially never been to one. She had no desire to ever go on a cruise. That all changed in a flash last year. Now, she likes certain bars, and can't wait to go on the cruise somewhere down in the tropics. And one of her first statements to me when she suddenly wanted out of the marriage was that we're too different....I like to go out, you don't, I want to travel, you don't. Hello, I haven't lately because we have two little children...but it was me that used to like that stuff. Go figure.

Rick - sorry for the late response. I agree with what's already been said. I'd be surprised that the use of her maiden name on her passport doesn't amount to some level of falsification unless she's had it legally changed which I don't think she can yet - even in Canada. Did you put yourself in peril signing it?<P>Dave

Dave,<P>Good point on the name thing. I called the passport office, and they said her application would just be sent back to her with a letter saying she can't use her maiden name. He asked if we were divorced, and I said no. He said she definitely can't use maiden name until legally changed, which I'm sure hasn't been done.<P>I called her to tell her this, but no answer, so I left a brief message. She'll turn nasty that I'm questioning her actions, most likely.<P>I did get concerned about being implicated with this, but it seems OK on that front from what they told me. If you knowingly do provide false information, it is a problem, but this is just someone trying to revert to maiden name when they are not legally allowed, so the letter back seems like all it amounts to. (I hope!)