My best friend's last confession. She has been trying to lead up to telling this last bit of news for months, but have been too confused and jumbled. Right after dday, when my H was still going through the shock of my discovery, he told her that this had not been the first time. That it had happened a few times. That could mean anything!<P>From her last hints I had been thinking about the fact that we spent 6 months apart when we were trying to sell our CA house. He spent 5 days a week here. I think he started having a few one-nighters then. When things went weird after my son was born(I moved here pregnant), maybe then he considered the new job that took him away so he COULD have other opportunities to find one-nighters. I think his present A is the first one that "caught" him.<P>I am MBed out. I cannot face this last bit of news which he has even lied to our therapist about. I will never trust him again and his other shortcomings condemn him.<P>I am finished. He has lost the best thing that ever happened to him. After 7 months after dday, and all--I am through. I put my heart and soul into this, and there was no hope all along. He does not think he can stop, and he will not try anyway. At least not for me. And that is all I need to know to get on with my life. I am calling a lawyer tomorrow and getting STD testing Monday.<P>I will hover for responses, but this is it.<P>Thanks for all your help everyone, but this was never in my hands. God chooses my strongest moments to tell me more. He knows how much I can take. He has been merciful. <P><BR>B<p>[This message has been edited by burnedspouse (edited March 17, 2001).]

(((burnedspouse)))<P>I'm exactly where you are at too. I spent this week finding out about multiple women my H has been seeing while we were supposedly in recovery.<P>I'm tired and burned out also, and Steve Harley told me his only recommendation was to divorce my H.<P>It's pretty sad when such a pro-marriage professional tells you that your marriage is completely dead.<P>I've re-opened my divorce suit. I'll be thinking of you today, you aren't alone!<P>((hugs))

B,<P>So so sorry to hear this. Did you get my message? If you need anyone to talk to just call-- Whenever!!! <P>((((((((B)))))))))<P>If your H is as much like mine as it seems they are I truly believe that they are on the road to self destruction. You are so right that he is giving up the best thing he has ever had. He will realize it and someday he will have regrets over what he has done. He will carry baggage and guilt into any subsequent relationships that will soon cause it to fail. All the romance and in love stuff will eventually end forcing them to deal with cruel reality again. <P>You on the other hand will be able to walk with your head held high and know that you are a stronger and better person. You also have a much higher chance of being happy as yuou are much more grounded and realistic in your expectations.<P>Have you read Pittman's book Private Lies? Really insightful and helped me a lot. In fact I read it most of last night. Wish I would have known you were up too.<P>Take care.<BR>A<P>

Aw Beth,<P>So sorry to hear this. I hope you will keep coming here tho. <BR>{{{{hugs}}}}<BR>Lora

Where you are about 5 months ago. Filed in January, just waiting now to be done with a 20 year relationship. <P>I am trying really hard not to look back. I still love him, but won't live that way anymore. I am watching him spiral out of control now - he is headed for some very very hard and bad times, but as I my counselor, I have been reaching out and pulling him back for so many years now, and this time I can't - I have to let him go. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.<P>I am happy now though, I am in a much better place personally, spiritually, and emotionally. I have someone in my life now that truly cares and I had forgotten completely what it feels like to have someone love you - no matter what. <P>It is hard and sad though. I wish you luck, it does, really, get better in time.

Thanks everyone. I am really very upset today, but I really think that it is best. My H has made no efforts in all this time, now in all these years! I was comfortable, and secure and he decided to be a playboy. the first one was probably exhilerating, and he became instantly addictied to the feeling. <P>I on the other hand, need to move on in a more stable environment of my own making. then I can depend on it. I will get through this, God never gives us more than we can handle. I will be fine. <P>Really I feel sorrier for my H. He is never going to be satisfied in love, and that is a very lonely place to be.