i don't want to sound mean, but i am thinking about telling h that he needs to have kids this coming week. i'm sorry i do love my kids but i need a break, i'm tired of hearing bring my daddy back, and do you love daddyd he is coming home, ect. and something that h said a wk ago about needing his time to think, that now he doesn't have anyone to answer too, doesn't have anyone to tell, when, how, and where...like i ever told him, he had more freedom with me. anyway to get to the point, i don't have that cause i have the kids, it's not fair, i didn't asked to be a one parent household, while he can go whereever he pleases and doesn't have to worry about food, clothes being clean and taking care of kids, changing diapers. what do you think? i know he lives in a rv that has only one bedroom and with 4 kids it will drive him nuts, but it may start him to remember what it was like as a family, what do yo think?

Heartbroken,<P>You sound fed up to me. <P>If you really need a break get him to come back to the house while you go and stay with friends or family. Trying to get him to have the children while he is in an RV is probably hopeless. <P>It really depends on how well you think he would cope and if you could relax enough to stop worrying about them.<P>Hope

ok well when i left here this afternoon, someone beep and i looked and it was h, i didn't respond, so i thought it was a sign that it was a good idea to just ask him to watch kids tonight and keep them till tomorrow night. ok well i got up the courage and called, well he sounded all happy to hear from me, ---hole, so i asked him if he could watch the kids tonight and he said yes asked what time i said 6, he said that he wouldn't be able till then cause he would still be working and i said that we could work on the time and i said i needed him to keep them till tomorrow night, he said that he couldn't cause he had to be at work in the morning at 630am at he needed to drop them back off, i said look i need sometime to myself that i needed to make some decision and he said what decisions are you trying to do, i said i just need time, he said well he could tonight and i said alright, meaning whatever thanks anyway and i hung up. it's ok for me to worry about babysitters and stuff like that when i have to work and he can't handle one day. so anyway about 10 min later he left a vm saying that i really didn't tell him if i wanted him still to come, i didn't call him back. so took the kids to a fair, we had, they had a good time and when i was on one of the rides w/ one of my kids, he left another vm asking me to call him. so i did and he said that he tried to call and i said well we were at the fair, just wanted him to know what he was missing, and he asked about keeping them, also sounded happy to heare from me, i said never mind i got my mom to keep them. he said ok that he also was going to ask me about keeping 2 of them on mon night and the other 2 on tue, can't handle all of them together, what am i doing? so i said we will talk about that later and he said hey, have a good night, i said ya and hung up. ---hole, how come i can have them all and he can't handle them, i know he isn't used to it since it's been a year, but god don't i need a break. i can't deal with everything i'm dealing with and the kids too. but then i thought about it, having just 2 at a time this week may make him think of how it was to have his family together? what do you think? anyway, when we got back from the fair the kids call to tell him how much fun they had at the fair, hope it crunched his heart. told them that he was going to bring their christmas toys over here, now you see he always told them that no toys were to be taking and needed to stay at his house, so why is he bringing them here. i don't know something smells fishy. but it just pisses me off that he couldn't keep the kids tomorrow. well at least one thing i know, since he was so eager to keep the kids, he didn't have plans tonight and my girlfried tried to call him earlier cause she was looking for and wondering if he had heard form m, anyway his cell phone rang and went to vm, so she tried again and then the phone was off, no more minutes, anyway it is still off and if he had went anywhere it would be on. that's his lifeline. anyway i know this is way to long so i will go, please give me any insight you may know. thanks

I think it's a great idea, but it needs to be better. Is your job the type that would send you away for a week? Then make up a story, tell him you're going to a conference in about 10 days and you'll drop the kids and their stuff off the night before you leave. Then go stay somewhere..a friend..a hotel..anywhere! You don't need to ask permission! Do you have a relative that knows of your situation? Arrange for them to have a n illness that you need to help with and go. Get time for yourself! Get away from job, kids, him and do it. It was the best thing I ever did to boost myself into a sane recovery.<BR>T

well nothing worked out the way i thought it would. had a friend come over last night and stay with the kids while i went out. not a good night, i started not to feel good so we left about 1230. ok let me give you a little history on myself. when i was pregnant in 99, in my 7th month, i had a stroke. they found out that i have a whole in my heart and an aneurysm on my heart. everything is a long story since then. i have had about 7 tia's since then, i think 2 since h left. i know what was the cause of everything falling apart. my sickness, pulling back, new baby, financial trouble, couldn't work after a yr so we got behind. anyway, with all the stress recently i had an episode last night, i went to the hospital early today and just got back. i know what i am doing, i don't have insurance and i am suppose to be on cumadon and it cost too much money. so i have not been on it for about 6months now. i haven't been to a dr. in a while. i was suppose to have surgery on my heart. i have pushed everything away and out of my mind to not deal with it. anyway, of course i got a lector, dr. asked what do i want to do with my life? die? but there is nothing i can do right now but to try to remain calm. a friend of mine was at the hospital and we were trying to find someone to take the kids tonight so i can rest, my mom wouldn't do it, long story, so she called h. i really didn't want him to know anything, don't want his pity. but i didn't have any choice. he said that he would take them but it would be better in the morning, excuses, then he wanted to know about me and when all of this happen, and he told her to tell me he hopes i feel better. gee thanks, i needed him to take them tonight, so i have them here with me. maybe h does want me dead. he doesn't want me, just my kids. all of this is because of him. i'm doing everything that i can, and i don't know what else to do. thanks for listening

i think i might be losing it. been trying not to get stress out cause of my health. i just got done making the kids pancakes, gave two each, then ran out of mix. kids were complaining that they wanted more but i didn't have any to give them. i didn't even eat cause there wasn't enough, that's how it is usually around here. i couldn't take all the yelling and crying from them so i flipped. i didn't mean to but i did. i told them all to go to their rooms and not to come out, through the dishes in the sink, broke a few and nocked over a table. took myself outside slamming the door and just cried. i heard my 4yr old crying cause he thought that i had left him then i saw him looking out the window for me and when he saw me he stopped and told the others see mommy didn't leave. what is wrong with me. how is it so easy for them to see everything that we are going through and the kids a walk around like nothing is happening. i haven't even heard from him since my friend called him yesterday from hospital, didnt' even check to see if i wanted him to take kids today. he hasn't even spoken to his kids since tuesday. how the hell can they sleep at night not knowing if we have food and everything. he never was this selfish. i'm at my last rope. i know my kids probably think i'm going insane. why is all of this left up to me. i just can't take it anymore.

I think I would have to ask what is best for the kids? It is very difficult not to put them in the middle of this. When my husband first left, I took the kids to him so he could deal with all the crying and "emotional" issues they presented. I wanted him to see first hand instead of me dealing with it all the time. However, in hindsight, I don't think that was fair to them. Even though it is hard, I still think we need to step back and look at it objectionally and figure out why we are doing it and is it in the best interest of the children. Good Luck...

how are you just suppose to drop them off? just leave them on his doorstep with a note, don't mean to sound mean, but how. maybe i should put them in a card board box and drop them off in front of the bar with the words " -----'S KIDS, WHO HE ABONDONDED AND DOESN'T SUPPORT!" now i wouldn't do that, but that is the only way i will get any kind of reaction. anyone have any advice on making him take care of his responsiblities?

First of all, you can't MAKE your husband do anything, unfortunately. I think you have two issues here to deal with that should take precedence over your husband:<P>1) Your health<BR>2) Your kids<P>Without you, who do those kids have?? You're going to have to step back a moment and take some deep breaths. These are formative years for children, how they are raised and treated has every bearing on how they turn out as adults. They are going through some very hard and emotionally turbulent times, and you are their parent/the adult and MUST be cognizant of how your behavior is affecting them and their feelings. <P>You can try to set up a schedule with your husband where you can have some time to yourself to recoup from the stress of it all, but if he refuses to do it, who suffers? If you have heart problems and have not gotten proper medical treatment, do you not think that this is just a time bomb waiting to go off? I would suggest trying to get someone to help with the kids, and also make sure that they feel secure, safe and loved.<P>I'm very sorry for what you're going through, but please take care of yourself and those children, they know much more than we give them credit for. Things we have no control over (like your husband's horrible choices) are out of your hands, don't stress over those things you cannot control...it only causes grief and pain.

i do know that the kids no more than we think, just by what they say and do. i don't have anyone to help me with the kids, just myself. don't get me wrong, i love my kids to death, and honestly, i hate it whenever he does feel a little guilty and does take them out cause i am by myself. it's just that i do need time too and he doesn't have to do anything. but i do know one thing, my kids to repect me and not him. i hurt seeing my kids hurting and wanting to see their daddy, and then i have my own pain. whenever he does show up, i'm the one that has to pull kids kicking and screaming why he gets to walk away, i'm the one who is there in the middle of the night listening to them crying for their daddy, the one that has to explain why daddy hasn't called them, i think it would be best for him to totally stay out of our lives. and he ruined our lives for nothing, ow is out of the picture, was it worth it to him? and now he has this quilt, ya right, that he can't make up for the mistake that he has done and the pain and he can't bear to look at it every day, poor baby, we're having the pain and everything else. i'm trying the best i can and it's not getting any better, i dont know where to turn next, i try and be strong for my children, but that is just a front. thanks for listening

It sounds like you are really in a bind, financially and emotionally. I would contact the local social services agency in your area, state or county for medical assistance. Go apply for medicaid! You need to be on medication. Perhaps they can steer you in the direction of some emotional support for your AND the kids. Maybe they can assist you with a mother's day out program or such at a local church. I know all this is hard and it isn't fair that you have to bear the brunt of all the children all the time. I really don't know what I would do in your situation. I did not have that to contend with on top of everything else. Best wishes and hugs.

well h called last night to see about getting 2 of the kids, i said ok, which i really think that he should take all.but he said that he also needed to dropped them back off at 630 in the morning, i was like, what. he said that if it was a problem let him know, i said i guess it would be alright and he said that he was asking me cause he didn't want to stress me out or get me pissed, i said that would be fine. i then asked if he was going to have any FRIENDS ove, since he referres to ow #2 as just that. asked me what i meant by that, i said that we agreed no other people around the kids, he asked if i had had anyone over here, ya right, i said no he said well you could of fooled me, what the hell was that. so i hung up on him. he tried to call a couple of times and i didn't answer. his mom had called in between his calls so i layed it on the line for her, i was all upset and everything. i had to calm down cause then i started getting pains and getting dizzy. i told her everything that had happen this weekend with asking him to take the kids and going to the hospital. she said by his coment that someone has been coming around here an checking up, well he used to tell me that he used to drive by, which that would explain why he said that cause this weekend my friends boyfriend was here, and there was 2 different cars that he wouldn't know saturday night here. and i spoke to sil who was here a little while ago who said the only night that he wasn't at the rv was friday but the whole weekend he didn't go anywhere, and saturday he did go to get something to eat and came back. could of did a drive by then. i asked if karen, ow#2, was over there last night when my kids were there, she said no, and according to her and mil there is nothing there, that it's not what it appears. she said he wasn't with her all weekend. anyway, i was just mad at what he said about someone being here, beside the point, he started this with trying to bring someone else into our lives for nothing, and he can do what ever he wants and ya, the only way if i wanted to start dating would be my kids would have to be around cause i can't go anywhere like he can so freely. so he doens' have a right saying anything, right?