My H sent no contact letter 3/7 I mailed it. He works(ed) at my family's business, while all this is going on, my dad laid him off. There has been an on going disagreement with him and my dad and one of our problems is that I failed to support him fully with my dad and the business. He has been passed up for many promotions, etc. However, he has contributed to the disagreements and unrest. Hi affair happend with someone who worked here, that I fired. Last week Monday, my "dad" fired him. I am very unhappy w/my dad for his actions, but my h's is very bitter. I truly believe that it is better for us if he doesnt work at this place but I wish he could have left on his own. I am concerned that he will contact her and start it up again because he doesnt feel my support. I have communicated with my dad the extent of my unhappiness with his actions and not only with my H but also with the way that he treats me. I was also laid off for 3 days after my h was fired because I told him what I thought. My dad charaterized it as I needed some time off. My brother also works here, and he actively feed my dad information regarding my h and his missdeeds. I no longer want to work here either but I do not have alot of options right now. My plan is either to sell my stock and get out or hope that my H doesnt contact her, and gets a job relatively quickly that will make him happy and when he get secure, quit. My problem right now is making my h feel supported but not making my life misarable at work. Any suggestions. Extended family can be a big problem.

I saw you didn't have any replies so,<BR>I think that you already showed in one aspect your support of your husband that resulted in your being laid off for 3 days. Hopefully, you H saw that. It sounds like your word environment is very hurtful, to you, to your H. Besides the fact I don't ever think you should work for family- a situation where more is expected of you for merely being related.<BR>If the family is treating you H poorly I don't think either of you should be working there. It is hurting your H, hurting you that their hurting your H, hurting you that their hurting you....that in itself is a lot of pain, and to deal with that and the A. Find jobs that will make you happier, maybe that will make it a little easier to be happy together (not counting the A). I hope you H isn't harboring resentment and holding you accountable for your family's actions.

dear zzz<BR>i don't post here to often in that i sometimes have difficulties with the philosophy expounded. instead i try to listen, learn and become more mature. by trying to understand the way others handle their problems in contrast to the way i've handled mine, i hope to grow an learn to be a better more patient and forgiving person.<P>your problem is very interesting to me however. It's not the infidelity that apparently bothers you the most. it seems to be the control factor that your family enjoys over you, your husband and your marriage that is really the foundation of your problems. <P>it sounds to me like it's decision making time. maybe a plan A for you would be to liberate yourself from this septic family enviroment and work situation, setting an example for your husband by showing the level of maturity and sacrifice you're willing to make to improve yourself and your life. <P>maybe your husband will understand and move forward with you and maybe not. in either case, you becoming your own person would seem to me to be the greatest gift you could give yourself.<P>good luck.<BR>poodlepapa<BR>

Thank you for your replies. <P>"It's not the infidelity that apparently bothers you the most. it seems to be the control factor that your family enjoys over you, your husband and your marriage that is really the foundation of your problems." <P><BR>Poodlepapa the infidelity does bother me greatly. I have found out things about the A that I wish I never knew. He has left me for her 2'xs since 1/9 and I have taped phone conversations between them as recently as 3/4 but the best of my knowledge he hasnt talked with her or seen her since 3/7. I am scared out of my head about them re-establishing the relationship and me not finding out until it is well underway because he had lied to me about contact with her multiple times after confrountation with evidence with him <BR>3xs since 1/9. You are right that the family business is our biggest problem and the control they have is the basis of the problems. Unfortunately my family seems to think that it is just my h's problems and they are not contributors to our marital problems. My father continues to make major withdraws from my love bank with him as he continues to do things here at work against my H and it appears that he want to make my H unemployable. I recognize that I need to get out of this work situation and I am getting angrier everyday at my father. To top things off, my mother (they are divorced) is supporting my dad because she doesnt believe that I should continue to try to mend my marriage with my H. She thinks that he will only go back to the OW when he gets a new job and gets settled. That he is only going through the motions so gain any advantage he can when we divorce. Right now I dont want to see either of my parents, and I just hope that my mother is wrong because if she is right, my H is not only ruining his life but mine and our 3 kids as well. Its terribly scary to be here!