My H left OW last Wednesday and wrote her a no contact letter. She has been paging him and calling him ever since. As far as I know he hasn't talked to her. The first night he was home was like a second honeymoon. The second day was nice but not quite as intense. The third day was awful because our 17 year old niece ran away with her boyfriend and another friend driving a car with no insurance and none of the kids had a driver's license. <P>Once we found them, my H and a friend had to go get them. The trip took almost 24 hours because the car broke down 3 times on the way home. My H completely lost it from the stress on top of losing the OW. He screamed at me most of the day and evening over the phone. The fourth day I managed to calm him down, but ever since then he has been distant, brooding over the OW, telling me all the unfair things I've done to him, he no longer says he loves me as he did at first, and tonight he announced he was leaving and left without saying goodbye to go stay at a friend's house. When I tried to call his cell phone, he hung up on me. <P>Before he left, I questioned his leaving and he angrily told me he'd talked to me about this before. He had, before he even came home, but not since then. He feels that it's not right to talk to me about his feelings, which are mostly about missing the OW. He wants to talk to a counselor who will validate his feelings and no longer trusts Steve Harley since he now believes that Steve, like a counselor we'd seen previously, is on my side against him and thinks he's crazy. <P>He is uncomfortable at work at our jointly owned business and blames me for that. The OW was a former employee, 27 yrs younger than him and married with a 3 yr old D. He threw her in everybody's face, including mine, then suddenly left me, and moved in with her. He stopped showing up at work or answering pages, so I took over more responsibility. It is not because of me that people judge him the way they do. He has no one to talk to because he believes I've turned everyone against him and he's embarassed as a man to talk about his feelings.<P>I can't take this. I don't even know what to do now. I don't even know if I have it in me to Plan A anymore, I've been doing a pretty bad job of it the past few days anyway. Tomorrow we, or at least I, talk to Steve Harley again. We were supposed to go on a cruise on April 1st, recommended by Steve H. Now, who knows. The kids, who are not my kids though I am their legal guardian along with my H, have turned against me because my H got into a screaming match with their father and threatened him. I have been the one taking care of them alone for the past almost 4 months, even though I've been emotionally unavailable much of the time, with no help from my H or their parents who are quick to criticize even though they lost custody of the kids.<P>My H says he feels lonely. Well, how does he think I feel and have felt for these past 4 months? Even now, all I hear is what an evil person I am, how I'm making him feel crazy, turning everyone against him, and how he can't tell me his true feelings. I'm feeling like the rug's been pulled out from under me, again.

Morning LetSTry, You're first couple of days sound somewhat like mine and my W's after D-day, I also think I became more distant after our second honeymoon firts night back, and we had weeks of arguements and silence. I didn't want to talk about my feelings or the A or just about anything else. There were times I too wanted to leave and not talk with W or the OW either. I couldn't believe that I had done this thing, and therefore it must have been someone elses fault and the person who fit that bill in my head anyway was my W. Of course my silence only increased the questions which only increased my defensiveness...<P> Wish I had some encouragement for you, the whole damn thing still feels unbelieveable to me, but I think I've owned up to what I've done and have some sense of the magnatude of my actions, time was the thing that worked for us, as we now talk in a more friendly way about The A and OW, however, it still isn't easy........

LetSTry,<P>Hang tough a while longer...<P>There was a lot of emotional fallout with your niece...<BR>...and it hit at a bad time...<BR>...wait him out...<P>Work on your LB's a bit...<BR>Work on a better you!<P>The old cliche... "you can drag a horse to water... but you can't make him drink"... fits here.<P>You're loved...<BR>...and you're quite remarkable for all you're doing for your (new) children!<P> <P>Jim

Hang in there. My H came home and left again I think 3 times during the A. Each time lasting 3 days to a week. Then he would say "I'm not ready" or "I'm not sure" etc. I still remember vividly the first time. He just wasn't "right". Keep in mind I didn't know for sure about the OW and he kept denying it. He'd been back home for 4 days. He was very quiet. At about 10pm he announced that he needed to drive around and think (this was during a blizzard). So he left while I sat and sobbed. When he came home (after an hour) I asked "Did you leave here to go and call someone?" He got mad and said "of course not, I have no one to call. I'm totally alone in the world" (what a crock of s--t). Then he told me he wasn't ready to be home yet and would be moving out again the next day. I told him to leave immediately and he wouldn't. Wouldn't even sleep in the spare room. Of course later cell phone bill showed that he called OW basically the minute he walked out the door and talked to her the whole time. Same basic scenario happened afew more times. When he was really ready to be home his demeanor was totally different.

LetsTRy<P>Hang in there for awhile. I have a similar story as fairydust except it happened for a dozen times. Every Thursday he's ready to come home but Monday he would leave. This went on for 3 months then one day, he announced that he just doesn't feel the urge or need to talk to the ow anymore. Just like that his attitude changed from that day. Wishing you the best.<P>EE

Thanks to everyone who responded. He's staying with a friend and his wife and they already told him OW is not welcome there (doesn't mean he couldn't call her though). He called me after he got there but just ended up angrily telling me how bad I make him feel and finally hung up on me when I said that everything seems to be in his control and I've been focusing all my efforts on making him happy. He called later, said he got a page from our house, and asked me if I was ok and said he'd see me in the morning - he just drove up now so I'll update later.