My question is one --why did you ask what others have done or dealt with the situation you find yourself in?<BR>I am not by any means bashing...But you are in a state right now that is so fragile.<BR>People in your position have 1. gone ahead and had the A, <BR>2. Not had an A--don't walk away---RUN (when you have feelings for someone else and want to save your marriage from devastation,)<P>At this point what does it matter what others have done..You and your husband are like no others.<BR>You know how your husband felt? It is only a year later and from what I read noone has recovered from an A in less than 2 years...If you can't deal with it and can't give you and your H that 2 years, than maybe you should talk with him about this, and make a choice from that discussion, not make a decision from posts.<P>I would hope that everybody who has ever been involved in an A, would have learned that in a marriage you need:<P>1. To respect and honor your spouse..<P>honesty, truth, communication...so much falls in this...Right now you are not honoring or respecting your spouse, just like he didn't honor and respect you.<BR>And I am afraid that you are already entering this fog--trying to justify your need....Your need over the marriage. <BR>Everyone should do things to make themselves happy, but NEVER at the expense of another human being.<BR>Please, talk to your H.<BR>I begged mine..He didn't have an A over an unmet emotional need that I could give him.<BR>If I wanted to excuse it I could say well,<BR>His best friend committed suicide, we were robbed, his daughter was sick, his mother was practically dying in the hospital, he almost died in a car accident...all within 2 weeks, not to mention he works 2 jobs and the stress was killing him....I could excuse it...I don't and he doesn't...He knows what he did wrong. he had the right choice of telling me someone was pursuing him and he was starting to have feelings, and he had the wrong choice of telling her he was having feelings and starting an A. He chose wrong and will deal with all the consequences now.<BR>Everyone knows the consequences, but unless you are there you won't know the feelings--the extreme soul ripping feelings that a ws feels...they can tell you don't do it you'll lose so much more than you can ever comprehend, but you won't feel it--. The only thing that you have in your references is the pain of the bs, but the feelings they have are on different realm...Their pain is created from themselves...Us- the bs pain is caused from them...You will never know the pain and I know I would not want to know anything that is close to what we have gone through as betrayed spouses...Your opening yourself up to another pain...Why would you even think about something like that?<BR>The mere possibility of causing a pain you know is so unbelievably horrible ....we know the pain, I won't describe it. Would you want to go through that again?<BR>Was the pain you experienced as a bs, worth a sexual act, a moment of satisfaction?<BR>I believe the answer is no.<BR>If your thinking maybe, get help!!<BR>I told my H before to divorce me first--obviously, he didn't. I told him if he doesn't divorce me first if he ever thinks about it again, I will make his life a living hell. I didn't ask to be part of this...After being unwillingly thrown into this, I would never willingly put myself through this---IT IS HELL. Do you really want to enter HELL?
