Thanks for reiterating that statement, Rick. It really touched me, too. It is clear that your son had a very profound impact on your life, Dave, and it shows how very strong you are. I admire you deeply for how you have and are handling everything that you have gone through. <P>Take Care!

The chest came from her family. Giving HER chest to her is not being nice. Not giving it to her would be being a jerk. <P>In most states, your w is probably entitled to half of everything you have. If you don't give her even HER chest, you will probably just confirm her opinion that you are "abusive." (I believe you said she felt that you were abusive - I don't know if she meant emotionally or physically.)<P>When my h moved out into a small apartment, he felt too guilty to take anything except a few small things from his family. I INSISTED that he take enough to comfortably furnish his apartment. I even helped him move it in and set it up. It looked really nice. He'd planned to purchase enough things for a rather Spartan bachelor pad. <P>I seemed generous and caring to him. I was really being somewhat manipulative because I didn't want him too vested in his new place. Also, he was incredibly impressed at what a nice person I was. <P>4 days later he was home. We are 2+ years into recovery. He has never been happier.<p>[This message has been edited by wesse (edited March 22, 2001).]

Dave,<BR> Just for the record, I agree that you should give her the chest. I don't think I ever said otherwise. I just think that for her, this is about a lot more than the chest.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This was not about the chest, per se. That was just the most recent example. The majority of her belongings are still in "our" house. This was about the behavior of a spouse who left her family, but still wants to have some controls and the frustration that brings to the spouse that was left.<P>Dave

Hi Dave,<P>I am very late in responding here but I do think that by not lovebusting you did the right thing. You are adhereing to Plan A, which is what you want to do at this time. When and IF you move to plan B, you wont have to worry about having those conversations and being "nice". Everytime I read about what is going on between you, I feel hurt for you. I am praying for your family.<P>The words your son wrote about you are beautiful. Everyone should be as blessed to have a father that can be described like that. I have a father like that and I understand the gravity of his feelings. I know that I would not still be here ( in this marriage) if it weren't for the lessons I learned from my father. <P>I hope things start getting better for you real soon.<P>cleo

Thanks cleo - actually, those were my words describing my son at his memorial service. I hope he felt the same for me.<P>Dave

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. <BR>I am sure he felt that way about you as I am sure your surviving son feels the same. You are the one sure thing in his life.

Dave,<P> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DAVE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P> Do you ever talk to her about the death of your son? My 1st H died and it was alllll I talked about for months. Same thing as A, people assume your all better in just a few months, and if your not, well then your just crazy. Don't you just love those attitudes?<P>------------------<BR>Deb