Are triggers mainly for the WS? How dangerous are triggers to a WS in withdrawl? I am correct in my understanding of triggers to be anything that reminds the WS about the OP? How do you determine what the triggers are for the WS?

ZZZ, there are triggers for BOTH the WS AND the BS. As a former WS in withdrawal, I can tell you that the triggers are not so much dangerous as they are an integral part of the withdrawal process. I have lots of triggers, and believe me they hurt, but they don't send me running back into the arms of OM.<P>The triggers for the BS will be different, and the number of triggers will be determined by how much the BS knows about the A (and OP) or how much the WS has told them.<P>Hope this helps.

ZZZ<P>Actually, I think you'll find most talk of triggers on here concerns the BS, not the WS. I'm not saying the WS does not have triggers, of course they do, but I think they're of a different kind. Yes, for the WS in withdrawal a trigger is something that reminds them of the OP, and hence of how GOOD they felt during the A. So during this period a WS trigger can be dangerous as it may lead them back to OP.<P>However, in a lot of cases, I think that after the WS has come out of the fog, and withdrawal from OP, they pretty much want to forget what they did and block a lot of it out - hence a lack of long-lasting triggers. <P>I think the BS holds on to things a lot longer, and many little things can act as triggers, reminding the BS of how they were betrayed, and how they felt because of it.<P>As to finding out what WS triggers are, I guess the more you know about the OP and where they went together, the better. Try to avoid people and places you know they visited together. Try not to let WS get into similar situations to those experienced during the A (eg, alone in the evening with temptation to call OP).<P>Even better, try to establish some positive triggers of your own for your WS. Try to make a certain restaurant 'yours', or a certain song, a certain gesture etc..<P>Hope it all works out<P>Seagull

Thanks for your reply. Yes it does help. Unfortunately I know way too much about the OP and the A. My H didnt tell me as much as I found out. She also worked with us and my investigative techniques were too good many thanks to this site. I am very insecure about the withdrawl period and I know what causes me to think about the OP just dont know how it is going to effect my H. Very worrisome.

Seagull<BR>Good idea to create my own positive triggers. I will have to give that some creative thought. I like the positive suggestions because it helps me feel as if I am in control even though I am not. Thanks