Feeling kinda blue this week.... but my question is, while we attend to our WS's EN and Plan Aing to make home a place they want to be, who is satisfying our ENs. It's been sooo long, are we supposed to put them on hold for..(when??). <P>What I wouldn't give to be told I'm beautiful, or desired, or thought of, or loved. Seems like those dreams and wishes are a life time away. It seems that when you are married almost 25 yrs. you could just enjoyed your life together instead of fighting so hard to keep it together. <P>I've been plan Aing for 6mos now, d-day was July 21,2000. <BR>A lasted for 11mos.(EA/PA) We don't seem to be making any headway.(Probably because he sees her every day at the office since OW is his secretary.)<P>Tomorrow's my birthday. I don't think he really cares. He hasn't said anything about it, but who knows miracles still happen, right? Best present I could receive?..H saying "I love you. Please forgive for everything I've put you through. I want our marriage back, I want us back." Ahhh, dreams, aren't they great. They're our hope during the bleakest of times.

Aries, Did he remember your B-day?<BR>I don't think Plan A for BSs is a popular viewpoint on this board. I am at MB about 3 weeks, 7 months from Dday(we had been separated 3 weeks and he came home that day) and 4 months in recovery. And I agree with you. <BR>You know, when he came home, I was hurt,shattered,and scared. He was the one who had the A, I did nothing wrong. He wanted to come home and he wanted forgiveness. I wanted a faithful spouse. He had(has) a chance of getting what he wanted but I will never have a faithful H again. HIS choice. So, it was very difficult for me to cater to his needs. It was like, Fine, you say you always loved me, now YOU show ME,for a change. For 27 yrs, I gave and he took. And that wasn't gonna cut it anymore. I wasn't mean or intentionally cruel but very sad,cried several times a day.I most likely didn't make our home a safe haven for him when he came home but I had the rug pulled out from under ME! And I was still trying to decide if I really wanted him back. He loved me, was remorseful, guilty and said he'd never make me sorry. He was also defensive,mean,at times, and lying about contact (by phone and online) with the OW. Several times, he did make me sorry.So, he did not keep his promise.<BR>The day the fog lifted, Nov 10, he saw what he had done and did it less and less. Contact ended that day. And he has been Plan Aing me. I wonder if that's not the way it should be.