My H and i are back together after my affair last year.<BR>We have had a few up's and downs and that is to be expected, I'll start at the beginning.<BR>My H and i have been to gether for 14 years but have been married for 9 years.I felt there was no Emotional support from my H all this time as when we first lived together he would alway's say that he would buils a house and i could move in but if he found someone else then he would let me know so i could move out.I have alway's loved him, even going thru that horrible period i only wanted my H. He went away twice with his work, the first time he was gone for 18 months, then the second time for 14 months will i satyed behind with my 3 children and lived in a caravan on our block of land and built our dream home. He had 2 one night stands, the first before he went away with work and the second just 2 day's after i visited him before he went away with work again. The first one i was told about from our friends and the second one was after he got home and it was a phone call from his best friend to say he got this other person pregnant, that one hurt so much as he often told me if i got pregent he would leave me. The children are from my previous marriage.Any way he keep telling me to get a job , so i finally found one and BINGO i found someone who took the time to be with me and let me talk about my feeling's, my fear's, my hopes , so i thought i had found someone perfect for me even though i never thought i was looking for someone. We started our affair and i was so sick with guilt and to make matters worse i told my H about the affair just before our wedding anniversary. What a Fool i was to think that this OM could be who and what i wanted.<BR>I moved out of our house but didn't move in with the OM. I didn't end the affair because by this stage i needed the job to help pay the bills. But i couldn't live with myself so i ended the affair and struggled on welfare. I asked my H to take me back as i was so wrong to have done what i did.<BR>We are slowly rebuilding our marriage and i know it will take a long time. I read a post from SKM this morning and i will show my H the post when he finishs work. I to feel so much remorse in what i did. I would never have thought i could have an affair, but i did, it has opened my eyes to a lot of thing's and i while don't fully understand why my H had his little thing's i now know that it can happen so quickly. Why do we not only hurt the ones we love but hurt ourselves as well.<BR>I will alway's regret the thing's i've done to hurt my H but it seemed like the right answer at the time. I now tell him when i'm upset or not sure of something in our relationship ,( which is something neither of us did before) and my H tells me when he has doubts.<BR>My fingers are crossed that this will work out in the end i certainly hope so as i have always and still do love my H with such a passion that sometimes it scares me. I to thought of suicide while we were apart but i couldn't do that to my H or my boy's <BR>Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, sometimes i need to talk and this site seems so great for letting people do that and getting diffrerent reponses shed new light on what we think is an insourmountable problem<BR>Thank you all<BR>

Welcome ...<P>While I don't believe that anything justifies an affair, it certainly is easy to see how you got to the emotional state that left you vulnerable to making that wrong decision. I hope that your husband has also committed to working on your marriage.<P>Are either or both of you getting any kind of counseling? My personal experience and belief is that it is very difficult to recover from an affair without counseling with someone who has a solid foundation in REAL marriage and family counseling. If you are not in counseling now, it is something you should think very strongly about.<P>I wish you the best - please feel free to come and talk with us anytime. We all believe in marriage, here. As long as you believe, too, you should feel right at home! <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Welcome <B>A Fool</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>We all make mistakes in life...<P>To get on the right track.. do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>I'll second <B>terri</B> recommendation on counseling...<BR>A push from someone outside the marriage is important.<P>You are not alone.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>