Hello, all,<P>My H is feeling the financial crunch of trying to support two places. <BR>My H is telling my son that I am the reason why we are in financial devastation.<BR>My H is telling me that I am displacing our children.<P>I have made a decision to call my H and tell him we need to talk. I need to look him in the eye, and without love busting, tell him that I have to do what I have to do to take care of me and our 3 children. He left and now with foreclosure because he refused to pay child support, I am having to move to a rental house. <P>Tell me I can do this: meet with him, hold my head up high, and not let him dump this on me. <P>I need your support; I know that there are some stronger people than me out there on this forum. <P>Pump me up. this is very important. My husband filed for divore two times and stopped it two times. After he filed both times, we met and talked and he stopped d. <P>Are the Harley's right? When the real life problems start to infiltrate the passion of an affair, does the affair become more trouble than it is worth?<P>I want to be state my case without anger or resentment. Taht will be a challenge. I will give it my best shot with all of you cheering for me and my children.<P>Thanks, elo

Dear Elo,<P>You CAN do it. You WILL do it. You have got what it takes. What is it? You have a heart filled with love, endurance that has been put to the test, patience that has been stretched beyond belief and yet? You are still here surviving. And I'll bet you look pretty good too! <P>Hey not just trying to perk you back up with phony lines. I mean it. You know how beautiful a pregnant woman looks even when she is sweating and crying after she has delivered her child? Well, we are going through labor but the delivery is our own lives and that of our families. All our sweat and hard work along with the crying really make us more beautiful than those OWs who primp themselves like those prostitutes who look like window dressings. <P>We are the real thing. Those 'models' don't have real life in their relationships so they will soon die. How long can a man make love to a lifeless doll? A lifeless doll is a relationship that looks good on the outside but has nothing of value on the inside. That's why A's dont last. Some people like to play with dolls, most enjoy real people. You really wonder about those grown men who like to play with dolls. Hmmmm.......<P>Now, how does that help your current problem? Well, like yourself I am in a similar situation. My H hasnt figured it out yet that no money may mean no honey. Not sure what he thinks he is going to live on next month or even next week. I think you are headed in the right direction and you are approaching this delicate subject with a good attitude. <P>If your H has a good attitude, then maybe something can be worked out. Not to scare you or anything but it may be helpful to be prepared or have a backup plan. Remember if your H is out to hurt you and your family, it will only backfire on him. <P>I would like to share with you an example of what happened the other week. My H said that he was a bad father and husband. He said this within earshot of our son who was watching TV (or at least that is what we thought). After his dad left, our son said: "You know mom, if dad is a bad husband, then why would he want to get married to the other lady, he would be a bad husband for her too." Then he added: "my dad used to be a good dad for 6 years, why did he turn into a bad dad?" Hmmmm.... Out of the mouth of babes. Let him know that this will affect how his children view him. <P>You are looking out for the interests of your family. You should be proud that you are doing the right thing. If possible, let your H know that you would like the both of you to have the families interest be a priority in your decision making factor. <P>Hope this helps,<BR>L.

Thanks Orchid, I printed out your reply and will digest and implement your suggestions. You are a source of encouragement and I truly appreciate. <P>I'll keep you posted.<P>Do you have an e-mail address?<P>elo