Well, Right now I am so pessimistic and disgusted that I don't know if I am just venting, or whether I will actually follow thru with what I am thinking. <P>I am feeling like a stupid a@@. First of all I understand this Fog crap but I am sick of it. Just because the fog is fogging thier brain does not mean my brain is fogged and right now I am feeling like a doormat. I agree that I have some responsibilities for not meeting his "needs" but he also has responsibility for meeting my NEEDS when all this crap started over a year and a half. I was pregnant for approximately 3.5 years and then give yourself 1 year of post hormonal stuff and that adds up to 4.5 years and during this he decides I am going to have an affair. Thinking about this is making me disgusted. Disgusted that I married such a pathetic , pitiful , LYING, DECEIVING man who portrayed himself to want to be a father, a family man and look at what we got instead.<P>He still continues to leave every night so I have basically assumed that he no longer lives here only that he legally lives here so he can say he has not abandoned his family although he really has. I have decided that I am going to tell the kids the truth. Daddy doesn't live here any more and I don't know where he lives. He doesn't want to be married to mommmy anymore. I want to pack his clothes up and make his bed back to the couch and put all his stuff in his garage or maybe outside along with his little love TIGGERS from OW #1. <P>I want to say to this man that he disgusts me and that he is NOT BEING A FATHER OF ANY SORTS and that he needs to discuss that issue with his therapist. Taking your kids to another woman's house EVERY time that you are responsible for them whether they are sick or not, is not in the best interest for them. If you feel that you have no where to go with them TAKE THEM TO YOUR SISTERS, BROTHERS OR NEICES. Or is that too embarrassing for you. You would rather jeopardize your relationship with your children than have your pride hurt because you are disgusting and have broken up your family and your family KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO YOU ARE.<BR>That you are a lying Adulterer and now HAVE A NEW WOMAN. Puke!!!!!!<P>I have tried to protect my children from you and somehow even protect you , but you are not worth my protection and I have to protect the kids and right now I feel that I would be protecting them best by telling them about us because OUR CHILDREN THINK IT IS BECAUSE OF THEM AND NO ONE LOVES THEM, ESPECIALLY YOU. <P>I am a stay at home mom and dependent upon my husband for him to pay the bills, however, I could get a job but then the kids go to day care. I can see me telling them, Oh, kids Daddy is gone, he doesn't like mommy anymore and doesn't want us all to be a family, and now you have to go to someplace all day so I can work. Yaeh, I love you. F449 him. <P>Yes, I am ranting and raving and I feel big lovebusters inside myself. I know that what I say to him will not matter one bit and that is the sad part to. <P>I gave him my Plan A letter 3 days ago and he has said nothing and neither have I. Maybe I should stop being such a wimp and just say, Hey, A22hole, I love you and you've been such an [censored], please turn back into the person I used to know and the person your family used to know and Our friends used to know. No, H, I am not the only one that thinks you are a lunatic. Of course you are hanging out with work guys and people I don't know and I am sure you did not tell them, Oh, I had an affair and my wife tried to save our marriage but I didn't want to because I'm not in love with her and now she wants a divorce. <P>I don't know what I need at this point. I need a vacation. I need a new life without having to actually live the one that I am living now. I want someone to jump inside my body and be me for a while so I can rest. I want God to appear before my eyes and tell me what his exact plans are and to tell me what to do. Just simple things.<P>Oh, please,please.<P>HOpelessmom

I don't know what to say except that I feel your pain. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and cry with you. I don't know if I agree with all this MB philosophies of plan A and plan B. I am so blessed that my H turned his life completely around the day I discovered what a b)*&^&* he was. He accepted Christ and our house is now a home. I truly wish it worked that way for everyone and it is hard for me to deal with that fog thing as well. Depending on your children's ages I think you do need to tell them something. And it would be ideal if your husband would talk to them with you. A united front would give them a sense of security. And unfortunatley children almost always blame the mother when a break up occurs. I don't think I could stay in the marriage if I was in your shoes but then I didn't think I'd stay married if my H cheated on me even one time and mine cheated 14 times! If you are not in a church I encourage you to get into one. Depression sets in for me if I miss church even once. I think your family staying together is worth almost anything but there does come a point where you have to put yourself at the top of your priority list. Decide for yourself through God's councel what you will be able to endure. Endure it and then you may have to take a stand. You are a child of God and as such he will help you through your Job experience and you will be stronger and better for it.<BR>I pray your husband will step up to the plate and be a man so that you and your children can have what God intends for them to have.

Hopelessmom,<P>From one hopeless soul to another I hear you. My marriage is crashing as well and I can do nothing to stop it. H is being the most selfish, selfcentered, selfserving B#####D right now I can't even believe it. He knows just what he could do to make our marriage work but has blatently chosen another life. One that does not include family. Makes me sick to my stomach and right now I wish him nothing but grief and unhappiness. <P>Same as you I am a stay at home mom who will be forced by the wonderful laws we have adopted to put my young children in day care and return to work so daddy can live a swinging single life and be "happy". What a crock of ****. I'm so angry today!!!!! Seems in D the good guys finish last. No wonder our society is so screwed up. <P>I did tell my children w/o their father. I was so sick of sneaking off to cry and pretending that things were okay. I sat them down and tolds them that Daddy does not love mommy anymore and will not be living here with us. He loves them blah,blah,blah.... Well IMHO if he REALLY cared for them he would not be doing this so that sorta crap. But everyone says ya gotta keep from laying blame. I sorta have a problem with that. He is to blame so why shouldn't he have to deal with that. We can't blame them in anyway not in the courts, not with our family...they just skip away into the sunset the romantic hero because he was willing to forgo his family to find true happiness.. PUKE!!!!!<P>Well I should get off here as I am only getting more angry and I need to calm down before dealing with kids.<P>Hang in there. I moved from this board to Divorce board. Lots of great support there.<P>

Take a deep breath and pray for peace in your heart. <P>Things will eventually look up. God will reward our suffering--just think how amazing that reward will be.<P>I don't know what to say to make things better, but just hang in there.

Dear Hope,<P>You sound like I feel. From what you are saying, it sounds like you are past plan A and into plan B. As I was told, I have lost too many points in my 'love bank' and now in the red. <P>Now is the time to strengthen yourself, strenghten your support group. Letting your family and children know that you need support is vital to your welfare. If your WS is using you as his personal confidant, give that job to the OP. That is what I am trying to do. My H gives me his anger and frustration. I don't want that, he can take that to his 'special OW'. She can now have 'all' of him. <P>By the way, TRS has just posted over to the other site. Looks like we came over as a trio. Maybe we can help each other out. <P>Will check up on you soon!<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited March 23, 2001).]